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Aeryn Rudel@aerynrudel.bsky.social |
265 followers 216 following 367 posts
Writer weirdo, baseball nerd, dinosaur dweeb, heavy metal geek
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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The heart of murder, its #quintessence, is not a cruel or violent nature. No, it’s much simpler than that. To pull the trigger, twist the knife, or snap the neck, what’s required is detachment, a specific breed of apathy that reduces blood to currency and men to meat. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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My old section chief at the bureau was notorious for corny aphorisms. He adored the golden oldies, of course. Stuff like assume makes an ass of you and me, but he had originals, too. One of his favorites was good surveillance is #apprise we all win. God, I hated that guy. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Progressive parapsychologists often administer personality tests to ghosts and specters. Most are #introverts and do not require radical interventions such as exorcism. A well-stocked library and reruns of Supernatural are generally sufficient to mollify these entities. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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When dealing with a monster infestation, refer to the three E’s.
Evacuate: rehome benign entities, such as ghosts and faeries.
Eliminate: destroy corporeal horrors, such as zombies and vampires.
#Extirpate: burn it down and salt the earth – demons and elder gods.
#vss365
0 replies 2 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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At the reading of his will, Grandad’s attorney distributed his vast wealth to my parents, siblings, and cousins. To me, he #bequeathed only a teak box adorned with a cross. Inside was an oaken stake, a vial of holy water, and a note that read: Can’t do it myself. Help me. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 9 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Hey, #WritingCommunity, what's your longest AND shortest wait for a response on a short story submission?
Me? Longest was 419 days. Shortest was 10 minutes.
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Demons prefer a willing host and may accommodate a cooperative vessel with an agreement to only #awaken during certain hours. It’s a bit like having a roommate who wears your clothes, eats your food, and, occasionally, leaves an eviscerated corpse for you to dispose of. #vss365
0 replies 2 reposts 11 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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These days, canopic jars are difficult to obtain, so modern mummies use more available containers to #embox their organs. Shoeboxes readily serve. Nike, Adidas, or Vans for lungs, liver, and stomach; something more grandiose—Gucci, Dior, or Prada—for the heart and brain. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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While you #excogitate on your predicament, let me elucidate the gravity of the situation. The room is sound proofed, the door impenetrable, and the case at your feet holds a collection of surgical implements. If you desire expeditious expiration, I suggest the bone saw. #vss365
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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I’m a big fan of multipurpose tools. For example, take my 17th-century saw-backed hunting sword. It's heavy enough to split zombie skulls, I use the #serrated back to saw the heads off vampires after I stake 'em, and it's got a silver alloy blade for my full-moon friends. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Time for another On This Day in Submission Land. Today, you'll get a gander at the rejections I received on 6/21, as well as submissions I sent, which include examples of cover letters from the dim misty past of 2015. Check it out.
#writingcommunity
wp.me/p6jTNd-2fp
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Lots of people think ghosts can't inflict physical harm. That's unfortunately not true, and as a paranormal crime scene cleaner, I would know. You see, I've #bleached the floors and walls in dozens of haunted houses. It's the only thing that gets out blood AND ectoplasm. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Right? 😂
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Tired of scrolling through every social media platform to see what friends and enemies are saying? Now, you don’t have to. With #Hearken, every post from everyone in your contact list is downloaded directly into your brain, twenty-four seven.
Hearken: Never not know.
#vss365
1 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Yeah, definitely. I think TCs would almost certainly be used primarily as gaff removers by politicians and other powerful folks.
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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The rich and powerful often employ temporal consultants to #critique critical decisions. A TC can certainly look into the future and see if investments will pan out, but, more often, they're used to predict if a coke-fueled night of debauchery will end up on social media. #vss365
1 replies 3 reposts 10 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Folks call me a leg-breaker, but that ain't accurate. Yeah, a #fractured femur hurts like hell, but a guy'll pass out if you crack one of his stems, and then he’s a pain in the ass to move. I like fingers and collarbones. Just enough pain to keep ‘em talking AND walking. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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The best passage from today revision of the #WIP. :)
"Can you turn on the TV?" Adramelech said. "If we’re just gonna sit here and wait for Baal to barge in and skull fuck the both of us, I’d like to at least catch up on my stories."
#amwriting
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Every 667 years, a #truce exists between heaven and hell for a single day. Angels may descend into the pit, and demons can ascend to paradise. At the day's end, any being may renounce their current allegiance and swear to the other, but in over ten millennia, no one has. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Lots of folks can help you find true love, but I got a different gig. I can't help you find your #soulmate, but I can help you avoid your soulhate. That's the person most likely to murder you, and, buddy, trust me; you definitely want to find them before they find you. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Being a monster detector ain't all it's cracked up to be. I don't get tingles or itches when they're near. I get a #whopping bad migraine if it's a vampire, my teeth ache if it's a zombie, and let's just say I need to be near a bathroom at all times during a full moon. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Every wizard worth their salt knows that spells are more potent when sung, chanted, or recited. And, the more powerful the expression, the more effective the incantation. As such, it’s no wonder that Sven Schwartzung, aka, the #yodeling conjurer, is so greatly feared. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Today on the blog, another installment of On This Day in Submission Land. June 12th saw two rejections (from 2015 and 2020) for two of my most-rejected stories. Check out these tales of rejection woe.
#writingcommunity #amwriting
wp.me/p6jTNd-2fb
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Each year, demons hold a fashion show in Las Vegas to showcase the latest infernal trends. This year, the award for best-possessed went to Amon for his Vivisected Vessel look. The judges were less impressed with Baal’s Meat Sack Majesty line, dubbing it #tacky and SO 2019. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Many would-be werewolf hunters have met messy ends because they didn’t understand basic metallurgy. You take on the wolfman with nickel silver bullets, or god forbid, silver-plated, and you're just asking to be a meat snack, friend. It’s #sterling or stay the fuck home. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Today on the blog, I'm starting a new series, On This Day in Submission Land, where I'll look back at publisher responses I've received on that date in years past. Rejections, acceptances, short-lists, the works. I'll show 'em all. :)
#writingcommunity #writing
wp.me/p6jTNd-2eO
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Wraiths are a particularly violent form of transdimensional entity. Worse, since they can only be seen with #peripheral vision, they’re incredibly difficult to spot and hunt. For obvious reasons, those who train for and specialize in wraith removal are known as side-eyes. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Your wish is granted, Mr. Page," the djinn said. "Ten million dollars.”
“Is there a curse?”
“Of course. From now on, you must answer all questions asked of you with a #nod.”
Mr. Page's eyes widened. "What?!"
“Now, mind if I transfer that ten million to St. Jude's?” #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Innsmouth? What's that? 😉
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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The tiny #maritime village of Haven is a shunned place, where the villagers cover their faces around outsiders and speak in low, croaking voices. Stranger still, visitors who remain after nightfall report large gatherings on the beach and odd, hopping figures in the surf. #vss365
2 replies 1 reposts 9 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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That would track. I'd guess all the Endless are frequent visitors. ;)
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Necromancers use a specific #lingo when discussing their craft in public. If you overhear black-robed figures discussing “auditions” for a new “feature” and casting ominous looks in your direction, RUN. You don't want to be the “guest star” in a demon summoning ritual. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 10 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Hell has a vast library. Each book is a damned soul, twisted and compressed, their life story smeared in gore across pages of quivering skin. The #librarian is the demon Buer, and mortals foolish enough to summon him or seek his knowledge eventually end up on his shelves. #vss365
1 replies 2 reposts 10 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Just a little evil, a single #iota of darkness, can open your soul to demonic possession. Sure, you may think screaming at that barista for messing up your coffee was an inconsequential bit of wickedness, but it's exactly what Karok, demon lord of petty villainy, ordered. #vss365
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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It's not unusual for new vampires to become infatuated with their first bites. Taking blood is sensual and intimate, and an initial obsession is understandable, if ultimately absurd. I mean, honestly, it's a little like a human developing a #crush on a protein shake. #vss365
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Jimmy’s favorite way to hurt a guy is called #crow baiting. He duct tapes the poor asshole to the floor, then puts a starving crow in the room. After about an hour, the bird realizes there’s meat on the menu. Then it goes for the soft stuff: cheeks, lips, nose, and eyes. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Thank you! :)
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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I've heard if you bury someone beneath a #willow tree, you can hear their voice when the wind shakes the boughs. I hope to god that’s not true, and I pray the screams and sobbing pleas that echo through the willows behind the rest stop off I-84 are just my imagination. #vss365
1 replies 1 reposts 10 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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A cruel child, he liked to take his BB gun to the park and shoot tiny, defenseless things. When he disappeared, no one grieved much, and when the police began to find pieces of him in pigeon nests and squirrel #dreys, most shrugged and said, well, he kinda had it coming. #vss365
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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He reabsorbed his twin in the womb, but he still feels his sibling in the derelict pieces of himself—the papery #slough from a sunburn, toenail clippings, every hair cut or shed. He collects them in a shoebox, writes TOMMY on the side, and rebuilds his brother bit by bit. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Today on the blog, a look at how I get from blank page to finished story and all the brain-weasel-infested wilds in between. Check it out. :)
#writingcommunity #amwriting
wp.me/p6jTNd-2ez
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Our deep space probes didn’t find life; they found A life. Singular. It began on Gaius V. The planet was covered in red #lichen. It destroyed our lander. Turned it into rusty scrap and then more lichen. All the planets we surveyed after were the same—blood-red and hungry. #vss365
0 replies 2 reposts 9 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Every hunter knows that a good dog is key to tracking down monsters. The pups sniff ‘em out, but coat color seems to dictate what type of horror they can track. Black coat, zombies; red coat, vampires; and the #brindles? The poor, anxious pooches smell ghosts. Everywhere. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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I live by what I call the hitman's periodic table. You know, elements and shit. The first is the #element of risk. Marks are paranoid, armed, and expecting you. Pretty fucking risky. You balance that with the element of surprise, i.e., hit a guy while he's taking a piss. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Thanks!
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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When we went out to investigate the disappearances in Oak Creek, no one had seen or heard or anything. No one but the #magpies. The birds followed us from house to house, screeching a chorus of “Need a ride?”, the sound of a slamming car door, and desperate cries for help. #vss365
1 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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Well, last month's royalty payment on my novella will let me buy a latte if one of you goes halfsies with me. So, you know, buy my werewolf baseball book so I can get a whole coffee on my own next time. :)
#horror #baseball #werewolf
www.amazon.com/Effectively-...
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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She called her downtown apartment the #aery. A pretty fancy name for a squalid one-room shitbox on the top floor of an ancient tenement building. When I teased her about it one day, she laughed and said, “Hey, eagles gotta take off from somewhere, right?” #vss365
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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A massive ocean covered the strange, dark planet, all but drowning a tiny #archipelago of four islands. Ancient murals on the largest island depicted a host of giant winged tentacled beings and a great exodus to another world. A world that looked horrifyingly familiar. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Aeryn Rudel
@aerynrudel.bsky.social
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An #aristocrat is expected to have some skill at swordplay, as duels are common. The reality is most highborn resolve disputes by hiring professional duelists like myself to kill the professional duelists hired by their rivals. Doesn’t make any sense, but it’s good coin. #vss365
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes