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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I find the actions of the individuals in "She Don't Use Jelly" preposterous
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric@aghastronaut.bsky.social |
347 followers 283 following 6064 posts
Minneapolis non-comedian (he/him)
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I find the actions of the individuals in "She Don't Use Jelly" preposterous
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Hiring Manager: And do you know what "Scrum" is? Me: ... Hiring Manager: ... Me: [points at picture on desk] Hiring Manager: Are you pointing to a picture of my son? Me: Little Scrum?
3 replies 2 reposts 11 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Luckily, I've prepared for this
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Dead or alive?
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I read it too. He tried ketchup at some point, yeah?
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I've prepared for this
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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[Elon after making the CyberHouse]
1 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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[quietly, from inside the box] Four naan, Jeremy? Four? That's insane.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Social media is chasing that experience of middle school lunch room conversations with your friends.
1 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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The windy, humid, billowing cloud weather right before a storm? That's the only weather I like.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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This isn't actor James Taylor's Two-Lane Blacktop. Be careful!
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Oh, on a side note. Has anyone seen people use the middle turn lane as a passing lane on 30mph streets? Because I've seen it twice recently.
4 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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He kept driving, but you know he fucked up his suspension. Caught up to this speedster at the next red light. He spent a little too long to move when the light turned green and I was really close to laying on the horn.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I work in Nordeast. Let's hit up that deli I keep forgetting about.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Anyway, we should still get lunch sometime.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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She's not wrong
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Saw a BMW that zipped by me like an asshole hit a curb hard and it brought me joy
1 replies 0 reposts 9 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Finally. Take the shittiest pizza home with you!
3 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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It doesn't seem fair that the largest fish are all sharks
1 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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The robot at the grocery store won't stop laughing at me when I ask where the peanut butter is
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I'm stuck talking like Elvis but I have no excuse
2 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Scooching around the zombie apocalypse in a sleeping bag like a worm with surprising success
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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“Look, Diane. Everything else is eating large frog. Don’t embarrass us!”
1 replies 2 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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And then, you're done! Easy! You'll be doing this thing in no time!
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I made a really dumb fake-kids show called Danny Washington and Educational Egg something like 20 years ago. Animated it, acted it, voiced it, wrote it, edited it, made the music. Still love it.
0 replies 4 reposts 11 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Listen up, game makers. I'm not reading any of the collectible journal pages or whatever you put in your game.
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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It's kinda fun that the "tyrant lizard king" turned out to be a dirty scavenging bird.
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but you're more than your antique medical equipment collection.
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Love his song Teen Witch.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Everyone laughs at Aquaman until they become Aquaman.
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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[on a deserted island] Please send me a man. To eat. I'm so hungry.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I don't know. Maybe add another branch of the government?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Well, yeah. How else are you going to get the earthy flavor?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Oh, you use seasoning? Weird.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Nope.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Wet and wilted. That's our motto.
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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We don't sell lemonade. That's the other guy. I'll have the dirty boy begin picking out the grapes for you.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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That'll be extra
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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I know what you're thinking. "Maybe just the lettuce is steaming hot." But, no. The grapes are also steaming hot.
2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Once again. the Minnesota State Fair rejects my Steaming Hot Lettuce and Grapes booth.
4 replies 1 reposts 22 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Gonna dip this in some lettuce
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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New food excites me more than old food
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Hey baby! Are you the year 2150 because you seem impossible for humanity to reach?
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Not to brag, but I've never even been close to becoming encased in tree sap
2 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Hey now
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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You know what they always say. Can't sell your mice? Breed more delicious mice.
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Ready to roll those dice? Then you're ready for Used Pillows™!
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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Books should be able to play music. And videos. And you can use them to check Twitter.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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aric
@aghastronaut.bsky.social
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The Rats of NIMBY have had enough of this lawnmower.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes