heartpunk's avatar

heartpunk

@heartpunkk.bsky.social

525 followers 1318 following 9136 posts

jfkl;dsajl;fjasdkl;fjklsdfjkl;sdajfkl;asdjlfjkl;dasfjkl;adsjfkl;as connoisseur

angry tranny, anarchist, autistic, disabled, hacker, plural, jewish, lesbian

she/they/bitches

heartpunk(k) most places
(heartpunk on cashapp&discord;
heartpunk.420 on signal

heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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yea those are all active most days for me it sucks :|

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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(not fix for you for me i need that paper in my life)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i am genuinely an extremely socially anxious and picky extrovert (in so much as i even by extroversion/introversion,,, i got a whole paper rec in this vein lol nto that you asked... ok lol i can't find it i will fix that later i guess???)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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oh right also i wanna read more on arendt and plurality tomorrow i think it may be the conceptual key to resolving some of my selective mutism shit i think it can provide me a moral framework for why to engage w/folks who feel unsafe mutism wise, and that might work for *me* to some extent

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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ok now the interview is exciting and i maybe wanna stay up later but i should really sleep

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i love this

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Reposted by heartpunk

bsky fairy 🧚🏽's avatar bsky fairy 🧚🏽 @krissywrites.bsky.social
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👧🏽Why would there be anything written on my spine? 📕Why would there be anything written on mine!! 👧🏽Because you’re a book?! 📕That’s bookist! 👧🏽Thats not a thing! - The Book That No One Wanted To Read by Richard Ayoade

2 replies 1 reposts 6 likes

heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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iiuc they really just wanna keep ur mind occupied in the moment that's it, that's the whole fucking goal so,,, anything that accomplishes that and feels tolerable to u i guess??? or at least that's how i handled it. i binge read books honestly. (and can't since lol)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i... lkfasdjkl;jasdkl;sdjkl; bsky insta twitter facebook discord slack linkedin there's actually legitimately more but that's the bulk of it

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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genuinely glad for u too, it's lovely to get to see it happen for someone else 💖

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i always hated that when i was in i understand why they do it but it's not like actually desirable or fun it's effective at a very specific kind of symptom reduction and not much more

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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understandable, i hope it gets easier somehow soon

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i use it way too much still (this is totally just desperation, i hate it there)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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like i can't afford a bus pass to do some library trips sometimes even it's $25 i tried raising the money on here but no luck, easier to just take breaks at home for now

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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literally living off my parents social security, along w/them (i have medicaid at least, so i get some sessions free! but therapy is SO inadequate for my situation. useful! but inadequate.)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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listening to a lil interview thing of this while i do a hot pack rq before bed

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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ok now the intrusive suicidal ideation song thought thingers come i guess it's officially bed time this is not worth consciousness rn fuck this

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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claiming values is entirely different from living them and i will apparently never stop learning this (until i actively prioritize it over just about everything else i guess?)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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same people who were into the "nurturance is the opposite of rape culture" thing nora samaran was on about a while back (still need to read that, came up in therapy today that i can't focus through reading. we're gonna work on it. it's totally a trauma thing. i get really ruminatey quick.)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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tomorrow i'mma prioritize diong the needful feature wise on my writing app thinger so i can start both writing *and* sharing more i am convinced this is the only way out for me socially i just can't do it all in person, if i ever could've to start

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ellie lockhart (she/they)'s avatar ellie lockhart (she/they) @eleanor.lockhart.contact
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Watching the NYT on this insane gaslighting crusade makes me way more forgiving of the shitty social media cultures I’ve been involved with and complained about, because it’s VERY clear journalists have worked themselves into the same kind of reality-agnostic fervor that we all do in the crab bucket

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Reposted by heartpunk

heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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THIS IS SO SO SO SO SO FUCKED UP!!!!! clear blatant abuse of authority in the most casually negligent way

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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this is SO fucked up and @magicbear.bsky.social knows of a dentist who is on (a different state's) board for dealing w/bad dental practice stuff, no clue if there's a way they can connect u w/the appropriate folks in colorado but worth connecting y'all in case???

srsly i tensed up my body reading

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Reposted by heartpunk

Funranium (AKA Phil Broughton)'s avatar Funranium (AKA Phil Broughton) @funranium.bsky.social
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Them: I'm getting $DANGEROUS_DEVICE! Me: Where are you going to use it? Them: $PLACE Me: Here's all the things you'll need to do. ~ONE YEAR LATER~ Them: I'm getting $DANGEROUS_DEVICE! Me: Did you do all things I told you to do? Them: No. But it arrives next week. Me: Don't even open the crate.

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Reposted by heartpunk

Potëmkin Spice 🐳🪐's avatar Potëmkin Spice 🐳🪐 @themontgomery.bsky.social
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It's very cool and encouraging that maker hobbies which spew VOCs and atomized thermoplastics *inside of one's dwelling* has taken off just as we're learning exactly how hazardous those are to long-term health!

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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i might change my mind on all this if, no, when, i can develop other stable relationships (romantic or not!) so i've got something else to go to but w/all my isolation i don't think i can just cold turkey it and i really don't wanna lose her, i do really love her, even if it feels like a curse

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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or wants way less than she's said before or whatever but i do wanna fucking know what she actually wants in a way i can just understand and figure out how to adjust to so i can live my own life independent of her or know what space she actually wants to take up

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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if i listen to myself i know the truth of it is the labels don't matter and i just gotta decide if i'm willing to accept this treatment anymore and the answer is that i am willing to but i shouldn't be and i want to get to where i can change that i don't mind if she doesn't want time w/me,,,

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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(actually, genuinely, there's some abstruse maybe transmisogyny maybe not shit in here i could use to chat through w/someone who a transmisogyny understander but,,, i do not expect folks to actually have the spoons for that, just mentioning in case anyone does. it's an edge case too tbc!!!)

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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notably she hasn't even said she just doesn't wanna lol or that she changed her mind she is better than most of these folks tho still, and i'm not ready to end it even if i'm so unsure it can possibly ever work out

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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it is worth pointing out that this is only one step away from my girlfriend's position hers is that i do deserve it and it sure sucks that i can't get it and yes she will continue to not visit while having said she would and doing longer trips with other people repeatedly even after i mentioned it

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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realistically tho, those people are put off by just having to think about me, so, i shouldn't expect them to reason it through enough to actually be supportive or even come up w/a coherent position

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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if you don't think certain people deserve the necessities for healing imo u should prolly just say you don't want 'em to exist bcz what the fuck else are they gonna do???

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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people who've repeatedly told me to just get therapy or whatever bcz no one owes u nurturance as an adult who grew up neglected and i just gotta be ok enough on my own first,,, never gonna forget that and they can get fucked they know i can't get enough treatment they know therapy doesn't do that

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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and i guess there's some limited senses in which that's true but mostly in the sense it's true of most people i'm close to, bcz... most people have way more connection than i do!

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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she's really checked outta the relationship in a lot of ways and like ... it feels like she's almost waiting for me to break up w/her sometimes like the call monday didn't go horribly or anything but she really deeply missed the point she really thinks her having power over me is a choice i make

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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obsessing about a thing gf said rather than like writing about it or just sending her a message or whatever productive thing i could do i think i just don't expect it to matter, but i'm just not ready to give up yet either, and that is in some ways close to the only other option

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heartpunk's avatar heartpunk @heartpunkk.bsky.social
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idk why but i just love seen words like [(this)] apparently?

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Reposted by heartpunk

Reposted by heartpunk