DocAtCDI (@docatcdi.bsky.social)

DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 05:41 UTC

I hope you all have a BEAUTIFUL DAY, time for me to try to be productive! hope ya found a reason to grin or groan this morning :)

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 04:31 UTC

What do you call a red headed baker? A gingerbread man.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 03:31 UTC

Her: It’s not working out between us. For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes. Me: I understand. And for the main course?

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 02:31 UTC

The look on my sons face, when he opened his Birthday present saw it was flattened cardboard. in my defence, hes the one who said he wanted an ex-box!

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 01:31 UTC

A kid that takes up smoking is like a youth that has gone as(h)tray.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 11, 2024 at 00:31 UTC

If you were guaranteed to be successful in a different profession, what would you want to do?

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 23:31 UTC

patriotism is correcting your country when it's wrong, not blind obedience... thats nationalism

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 22:31 UTC

I asked the librarian if she could direct me to the self-help section. She said she could... but that would defeat the purpose...

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 21:31 UTC

If you rearrange the letters of POSTAL CARRIERS... They become VERY ANGRY.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 20:31 UTC

Who is the king of pencil case? The ruler.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 19:31 UTC

To this day, the boy that used to bully me at school still takes my lunch money. On the plus side, he makes great Subway sandwiches.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 18:31 UTC

What are Santas Elves called? Subordinate Clauses

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 17:31 UTC

My wife and I were up all night arguing about the laundry. At 2AM, I folded.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 16:31 UTC

Asked a librarian for books on Pavlovs dog & Schrodingers cat she said it rang a bell but didnt know if it was there or not...

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 15:31 UTC

Me and my buddies at the gun club often go to the cheese shop... Just to shoot the Bries.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 14:31 UTC

Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work? It was a hostel work environment.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 13:31 UTC

Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 12:31 UTC

a sugar cube got caught jay walking and was written a ticket. two days later it was caught jaywalking again... the sugar cube was... refined

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 11:31 UTC

What do you call it when a cat wins a dog show? A cat-has-trophy.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 10:31 UTC

9 months isn’t really that long. It just feels like a maternity.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 09:31 UTC

My dad and I were building a clock, he dropped the hammer on it by accident and without hesitation looked at me and said ‘Hammer Time’

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 08:31 UTC

My wife said I don't listen to her anymore, or something like that.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 07:31 UTC

ever realize that humans cut down bird houses to make bird houses?

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 06:31 UTC

When chemists die, they barium.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 05:31 UTC

People say I look better with glasses. I can see it now!

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 04:31 UTC

So, I heard this pun about cows, but it’s kinda offensive so I won’t say it. I don’t want there to be any beef between us.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 03:31 UTC

Just got the perfect tool for making a good indian flat bread. It’s a naan stick pan.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 02:31 UTC

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer... ...than the men who mention it.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 01:31 UTC

Have you ever wondered about those people who pay a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards!

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 00:31 UTC

Commercial fisheries know how to make a pier to pier net work

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 23:31 UTC

Worf changed his hair color because it was a good day to dye

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 22:31 UTC

Which countrys capital has the fastest-growing population? Ireland. Every day it's Dublin.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 21:31 UTC

I thought college was going to be a more serious endeavor, but the professor immediately started talking about some silly bus!!

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 20:31 UTC

I mistakenly leaned against a printer cartridge, and now I have toned abs.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 19:31 UTC

Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool. Wooden tit.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 18:31 UTC

Did you hear about the inmate that stuttered? He never finished his sentence.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 17:31 UTC

I run a social media site for over weight stalkers. Weve got a large following.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 16:31 UTC

I'm getting so sick of these double standards... Burn a body at a creamatorium and "you're doing your job" do it at home and you're "Destroying evidence..."

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 15:31 UTC

I just realized my countertop is made of marble.. I’ve been taking it for granite for years.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 14:31 UTC

for those of you wondering what my wife thinks about my girlfriend, my girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid 10, but also imaginary.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 13:31 UTC

Did you hear about the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 12:31 UTC

Waiter: I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak? Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 11:31 UTC

If you're depressed about all the sea creatures in captivity at SeaWorld, help them escape. It releases end dolphins.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 10:31 UTC

People are complaining about this being the hottest summer in the last 100 years. I’m more of a glass half full kind of guy. I’m thinking of it as the coldest summer in the next 100 years.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 09:31 UTC

My dad told me that when he was young, he once had to miss class because of hypothermia. Said he was too cool for school.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 08:31 UTC

My mum wasn’t happy with my school report. I said: Okay. She said: I want more AAs. I replied: OKAAAAAAAAAY.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 07:31 UTC

I passed tents talking in past tense then I realized I'd passed past tents

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 06:31 UTC

They say wine improves with age... But I still don't like it and I’m 56!

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 05:31 UTC

Some people have difficulties sleeping... but I can do it with my eyes closed.

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DocAtCDI @docatcdi.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 04:31 UTC

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

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