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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle@drdoylesays.bsky.social |
924 followers 5 following 1073 posts
Psychologist; SEEK Safely board president; marathoner. Realistic, sustainable trauma & addiction recovery. One day at a time.
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Complex trauma survivors are very often triggered by feeling used-- but sometimes even more triggered by feeling "useless." (See also: our absolutely tortured relationship with feeling visible vs. invisible.)
0 replies 0 reposts 12 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Acknowledging that dissociation f*cks w/ our decision making isn't an "excuse." It's very often the missing puzzle piece that cracks the code for what we need to do to realistically limit our vulnerability now, & forgive ourselves for past "choices" that weren't really "free."
0 replies 1 reposts 10 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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"There's no way it could have been abuse/that bad, because I stayed/kept going back." Yeah, unless you were conditioned by CPTSD to believe you couldn't do better, "deserved" it, and/or it was safer to stay or go back than to leave. Also, there's this thing called dissociation.
2 replies 8 reposts 50 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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We are survivors in recovery not by luck or chance. We affirm our identity as survivors working our recovery w/ our choices-- even, especially, our little choices about how we talk to ourselves, how we breathe, & what we visualize. We create ourselves decision by decision.
0 replies 3 reposts 11 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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You get to be hurt by stuff that hurts. You don't have to frame it as a "learning experience" unless or until you're ready-- or ever, if you don't choose to. They'll try to police & shame how you frame & process your experience-- but that's the opposite of agency & recovery.
0 replies 4 reposts 23 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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I don't at all believe trauma recovery means abandoning our standards or expectations of ourselves. But "everything is my fault & my responsibility" is neither realistic nor actionable. It's a relic of past bullsh*t conditioning. Get specific & achievable in your expectations.
0 replies 2 reposts 14 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Every single person reading this, & definitely the person writing this, has made decisions that didn't do us any favors in the past. But I just don't believe anything we chose or experienced in the past is as important as what we choose now & next. Grace over guilt.
0 replies 8 reposts 16 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Do you believe a coach or therapist's tone & language impact an athlete's or patient's mood & motivation? Yeah, I do too. That's why I believe self-talk, both tone & language, is an essential piece of the recovery puzzle. We are in our own ear 24/7/365. That's a lot of words.
0 replies 1 reposts 14 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Focusing on your own feelings & needs, as we have to do every day in recovery, will NOT make you "self centered." I know it feels like it might, but it won't. It WILL equip you to realistically show up for the people, pets, & causes you passionately care about.
0 replies 3 reposts 12 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Watch: that people pleasing, "fawn" thing will leap out when we least expect it, & pressure us to explain ourselves, our decisions, & our needs from A to Z. We gotta resist that. Not everyone needs or deserves an explanation-- and we don't need their "permission" to exist.
0 replies 10 reposts 26 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Don't get up in your head about "needing" to understand your trauma responses, or any other emotional or behavioral reflex. We may NEVER understand some of them-- but they make sense to our nervous system. Respond to them w/ compassion & patience, whether you "get" them or not.
0 replies 2 reposts 17 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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The fact that we're not where we want to be, in our recovery or our life, doesn't mean we can't enjoy the moments of laughter & fun & pleasure that we can experience today. People recovering from awful sh*t can laugh ourselves sick at the right joke. No shame. Be open to it.
0 replies 4 reposts 14 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Our old conditioning is going to have PLENTY to say about how we talk to ourselves, how we breathe, how we use our physical body, & what we visualize & mentally focus on-- &, spoiler, none of it will support the life we're trying to create. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
0 replies 2 reposts 7 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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When you seriously work your recovery, your personal library (of physical books, ebooks, & audiobooks) & your streaming watchlist changes. We all need fun stuff to read & watch, but survivors hell bent on recovery utilize sources of info & inspo wherever we find them.
0 replies 3 reposts 7 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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"The worst that could happen" isn't that we try to change our life & it doesn't work. To me the worst that could happen is, the bullies & abusers who made our life hell once upon a time convince us to not even try to change our life-- & we wake up every day knowing they won.
1 replies 2 reposts 13 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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A boundary a lot of us, myself definitely included, could stand to get better at is, "you know what, I'm just not particularly into that hobby/activity, even though you, (important person in my life), are, & I'm not going to invest time, energy, &/or money in it right now."
0 replies 3 reposts 13 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Is it a hassle to work a recovery? Absolutely. It's a pain in the ass. It means no more going on autopilot. Setting goals and using skills every day. Lots of living on purpose, w/ eyes wide open. Also: it's worth it.
0 replies 5 reposts 17 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Motivation doesn't last in the face of old conditioning that says "you can't do sh*t, you are sh*t, just give up already." Recovery & reading these posts isn't about motivation. It's about reconditioning. It's about SELF-brainwashing-- in purposeful, chosen ways.
0 replies 4 reposts 20 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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There will absolutely be days when no one & nothing outside of you, will support what you're trying to do w/ your life. When they will do nothing bu distract & discourage you. Expect it. That stupid sh*t has nothing to do w/ whether you can, or will, create the life you prefer.
0 replies 2 reposts 21 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Survivors working an effective recovery focus way more on how we construct & frame our experiences in our head, than what anybody else tells us about what our experiences "should" mean. WE determine what things mean to us. Including (especially!) painful things from our past.
0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Give me the chosen, purposeful "pain" of using my skills & tools every day, over the unchosen, pointless pain of letting old conditioning kick my ass, of letting my old abusers & bullies call the shots. Give me the "pain" that will transform me into someone I choose & like.
0 replies 2 reposts 15 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Trauma survivors are NOT excuse-makers or blame-casters. Accountability is high on the values hierarchy of EVERY survivor I've ever met. But sometimes we do need to be reminded that true accountability DOESN'T mean everything is our fault and/or our responsibility.
1 replies 6 reposts 18 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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No doubt: dissociation, as a trauma response, is out of our "control." The name of the game isn't trying to "control" it (or any trauma response). What we're trying to is decrease our vulnerability to it, & make it easier for us to slide back into the driver's seat when we can.
0 replies 2 reposts 18 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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If you can carve out a support network of safe, supportive people-- ideally knowledgeable about what you're struggling w/-- do it. Recovery is exponentially easier w/ support. But if you can't do that right now, all is NOT lost-- for now just focus on your own mindset & skills.
0 replies 2 reposts 13 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Others' experiences are not yours. Others' resources are not yours. Others' trajectories are not yours. Do not get up in your head about what "they" were able to do in whatever period of time. We're almost never hearing "their" whole story anyway. You stay focused on you.
0 replies 18 reposts 51 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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We make a decision to talk to ourselves in a different kind of way, even when our old conditioning is pressuring us to do what we've always done. We make that decision dozens of times a day. We defy our old programming again, & again, & again. And our nervous system changes.
0 replies 5 reposts 15 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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The wind is gonna blow whichever way it blows. We're not trying to control the wind in our individual trauma recovery. We are becoming skilled sailors who can adjust our sails & maneuver our craft & navigate rough waters. We are not at the mercy of the wind. Not ever again.
0 replies 5 reposts 14 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Don't expect a person or institution to realistically be part of the solution if they can't accept or articulate how they were part of the problem. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
0 replies 10 reposts 32 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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The hassle of designing a life, of making conscious choices, of using our (f*cking) coping skills even when we don't feel like it or shouldn't have to-- none of it is more painful than what happens when we go on autopilot & let our old conditioning run (and/or ruin) our life.
0 replies 6 reposts 17 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Turns out, many of the things we're taught in our religious upbringing and/or formal education actually work against us when we're trying to realistically piece together a trauma recovery-- or a life worth living in general. Recovery often has to start w/ prying our mind open.
1 replies 4 reposts 10 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Trauma survivors can't just do normal things & expect a normal life because we left "normal" behind a few turns back when we experienced horrifically abnormal things. Realistic recovery starts when we accept we're through the looking glass, & there's no going back.
0 replies 2 reposts 11 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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You are not "ungrateful" for acknowledging the pain of the past. You are not "negative" for acknowledging your everyday challenges now. You are not "dramatic" for calling coercion, abuse, neglect, or gaslighting what they are.
0 replies 17 reposts 66 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Recovery takes longer than trauma for the same reason building a structure takes longer than demolishing it. Demolition & trauma are thoughtless & violent-- whereas recovery & building require thought & care & planning & skill & resources & patience & belief in a vision.
0 replies 6 reposts 21 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Because your old conditioning-- your old brainwashing-- kicks back when you try to be patient & compassionate to yourself isn't reason to quit trying to be patient & compassionate w/ yourself. Expect that kick back. Your old conditioning is based on abuse & neglect. It sucks.
1 replies 4 reposts 22 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Successful trauma recovery continually refocuses on what we CAN change in any situation-- & almost always that starts w/ how we're breathing, what we're visualizing, and/or what we're saying to ourselves & how we're saying it. We ALWAYS have those starting points.
0 replies 3 reposts 8 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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I'm not terribly interested in the healing that comes w/ "time." I'm interested in healing that comes w/ the active development of skills, tools, & philosophies. I'm interested in working & pacing a recovery that I design. I'm interested in a life that happens FOR me, not TO me.
1 replies 3 reposts 17 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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The fact that we've been seriously wounded in our past & struggle to identify sources of pleasure & safety in our present doesn't mean we can't create a life worth living & a daily existence we don't hate. But it does mean we have to live life more intentionally than most.
0 replies 2 reposts 12 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Forgiving yourself for not knowing what you didn't know or not doing what you didn't have the safety or support to do "back then" isn't about escaping "accountability." It's about accepting what we can't change about the past-- so we CAN change what we can in THIS moment.
1 replies 2 reposts 10 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Trauma recovery affirmation: I will waste ZERO bandwidth today trying to change the past or ANYTHING outside of my circle of influence today. I will redirect my attention, again & again, to how I RELATE to the past-- & what I CAN realistically influence .01%.
1 replies 1 reposts 11 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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If you wouldn't want your kids talking to themselves a certain way or calling themselves certain names, you have no business talking to yourself that way or calling yourself those names. Kids aren't blind. They'll either model us beating ourselves up, or working to NOT do that.
0 replies 2 reposts 13 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Starving yourself isn't an act of "self discipline." Actually eating when you don't feel like eating, or when you've been conditioned to believe you don't "deserve" food, or when you've been programmed to fear the number on the scale more than malnutrition-- THAT'S discipline.
0 replies 10 reposts 24 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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If we don't choose what to do w/ our time today, if we don't choose what to focus on & what to say to ourselves, our trauma conditioning will ABSOLUTELY step in & fill in the blanks-- &, spoiler alert, it's gonna make us feel like garbage. Plan your day.
0 replies 3 reposts 18 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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It's nice to believe in yourself, & most survivors come to believe in themselves more & more as their recovery progresses. But, especially in early recovery, what you believe is less important than what you DO. Believe what you want-- but BEHAVE toward yourself w/ compassion.
0 replies 6 reposts 18 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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It is not realistic to expect different emotional or behavioral results from ourselves if we are relating & talking to ourselves like our bullies & abusers did for years. And we've seen the emotional & behavioral results of that. If nothing changes, nothing changes.
0 replies 6 reposts 28 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Every time we decide to be kind & fair to ourselves, even though we're FEELING absolutely scathing & impatient, we are engaging in recovery behavior. Remember: realistic trauma recovery is built on what we do when we don't FEEL like being kind, fair, or patient w/ ourselves.
0 replies 3 reposts 16 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Realizing in trauma recovery that our triggers & symptoms actually make sense can be both the good & bad news. The good news is, understanding them can help us manage them w/ compassion & patience. The bad news is, that sh*t happened-- & it was exactly as bad as it was.
0 replies 1 reposts 9 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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You're not "gross" for what they did to you. You're not "stupid" for not knowing how to understand it or what to think about it. You're not "weak" for having reactions to it, then or now. And you're not "complicit" for not having told anyone about it.
1 replies 13 reposts 51 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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The essence of complex trauma is, it was f*cked up sh*t that pervaded our everyday existence-- so we had to adapt to it. One reason we struggle to believe we "deserve" recovery is because the absence of pain or danger feels unrealistic. We've never known a normal "normal."
0 replies 4 reposts 20 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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"They" didn't mock or ignore your boundaries because your boundaries aren't important, or because you're not important. They did it because they wanted access to you & reactivity from you-- without consequences. It wasn't about you. It was about what they felt entitled to.
2 replies 5 reposts 29 likes
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Dr. Glenn Patrick Doyle
@drdoylesays.bsky.social
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Kids who grew up in complex trauma very often go through life feeling we missed the chapter on "how to human" in the user manual every other person seemed to get. So we've been making it up as we go along, hoping for the best-- but worried we're gonna get found out.
0 replies 10 reposts 43 likes