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funnyletter@funnyletter.bsky.social |
6 followers 11 following 183 posts
no take
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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And yet for some goddamn reason my local grocery store still has a weird camera-covered trailer sat in the parking lot next to the curbside pickup spots yelling at me not to loiter while I wait for my groceries. It was put there to deter retail theft that NEVER HAPPENED and now they're keeping it 🤮
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I know nothing about radioactive material except "no touchie" so I don't really know what that means, but I've heard enough "and then things went horribly wrong" stories to know just from the presentation that that's bad. 😆
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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It's been decades so I couldn't possibly accurately recount it, but the best anecdote involved radioactive iodine and some dummy getting followed home by a team with a geiger counter.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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The most entertaining dinner I ever had was sitting on a deck with a person who worked in a lab with radioactive materials and a person who did something in a lab involving a lot of vacuum chambers while they swapped tales of Things That Went Very Wrong.
1 replies 2 reposts 19 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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For a brief moment I thought he was subscribed to your Patreon, which would be amazing, but then I remembered this one is also on the main feed.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Benny wants to know if Finn can come over and play.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I also FULLY CANNOT with anything putting pressure on that part of my face. Like they tried it on me when they were fitting me for a mask and I was like "ABSOLUTELY NOT THAT THING IS TRYING TO KILL ME".
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I also have this one and definitely have put it on and yelled "I'M AN ELEPHANT" before.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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For some reason if the air coming in my nose holes is appreciably warmer than the air touching my face I become fully convinced that I am suffocating and am about to die. I can't use the humidifier on my CPAP because of this. It's very annoying and totally unhinged but my hindbrain is CONVINCED.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Mask fit is so personal and choosing a CPAP mask has introduced me to many fun and *completely irrational* feelings I have about the specific way in which stuff is touching my face. 😂 I suspect everyone is just totally deranged about it in one way or another -- I definitely am!
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I am super lucky that I can read without glasses!
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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The first mask I tried, the way it vented blew air on my eyelashes and I COULD. NOT. COPE. The second mask I tried blew the air straight out ahead and I have been using it ever since. Occasionally someone is like "Try this new, better mask!" but I REFUSE I LOVE MY MASK.
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Weirdly the thing that made me appreciate mine was how much it helps with my seasonal allergies. The pressure is enough to keep my sinuses clear if I have a bit of a cold and during allergy season. Even if I didn't have sleep apnea I'd want it around just to breathe easy when sleeping in spring.
2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Right now I live in a place with very stable power (highest population in my city, all the power is underground cables so protected from storms) but I'm moving to a house further out, in an older neighborhood with overhead powerlines, and if we get a lot of cuts I'll probably get a battery backup!
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I read in bed every night before I go to sleep so I trained myself to sleep with the mask on by putting it on while I was reading and then leaving it on to go to sleep. Now I can basically put myself to sleep by putting the mask on.
1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Same, we had a power overnight one time and I was SO UPSET. I hated it at first and would rip it off my face in my sleep, but I did finally find the right mask (some people hate nasal pillows but I loooove them) and now it's my sleepytime BFF.
1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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As a bonus, few things are funnier than Andrew Tate going all the way to "Fellas, having straight sex is gay."
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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oh my god just accept that you are middle-aged and do not understand how cool people talk anymore and SHUT THE FUCK UP love, a linguist
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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-My husband every few months
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Wait I'm sorry, the process is literally "idk seems legit"?
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I used to manage corporate chatbots for a living and part of my job was to tell the corps what their customers were talking to the bots about. I had bots get brigaded a couple times and it was SUPER OBVIOUS because they all used the exact same phrasing as whoever sent them.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Day 7, REVENGE OF COVID
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I have worked at B2B service companies for the last 8 years and this is the line where I gave up on chuckling silently and just started cackling hideously alone at my desk.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Followed by frantic calculation of exactly how much per minute my parents are in fact paying for me to watch this.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I feel like I would just sit there going "but they're not ACTUALLY gonna--" until they in fact did at which point I would be too horrified to move.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Like, worst case scenario, you put a dispenser in a bathroom and nobody needs it. OH WELL.
2 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I wonder if it's actually easier to just go "ALL THE BATHROOMS" than actually definitively figure out if anyone post-pubescent will ever be using that bathroom. Like, if the kindergarten classroom has its own bathroom, do teachers, aides, or older kids NEVER use it? What about at open house?
1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Help my wall calendar is from 2020
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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CROSSWALK DUTY. CROSSWALK. DUTY. Not even crossing the street is safe from this shit.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Sometimes I get really obsessed about how someone could theoretically saw through my bike lock, and then I have to remind myself that its job is not to make my bike un-stealable (not possible), it is simply to make my bike so annoying to steal that it's not worth it.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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When I couldn't get ADHD meds for a month I took advantage of not being on stimulants to take zyrtec-D for my allergies, and pseudoephedrine doesn't work AS WELL for ADHD as Ritalin, but it doesn't NOT work.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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We'll even be nice and give them gloves and a Hydroflask.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Mine is more like, ugh, do I WANT to destroy my enemies, or do I want to use that energy to practice the piano, or go get tacos, or teach my dog a trick, or literally anything that isn't paying more attention to THESE FUCKING GUYS? I used to want to try to make them stop being terrible, but f it.
0 replies 0 reposts 17 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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But he's willing to work on their marriage! By which he means wait judgily while she fixes the problems he invented to blame her for.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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If anything that just makes it worse though. Making other people responsible for your lack of personal fulfillment and expecting them to drop everything and change so you can feel like your best self is peak THAT FUCKING GUY.
1 replies 0 reposts 25 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Honestly I'm not sure this is about the letter-writer AT ALL. To me it has a whiff of this guy having a bit of a midlife crisis and questioning his choices, and deciding what's actually wrong with his life is just that his wife is deficient. HE HIMSELF is not hiking either! And he's blaming her.
1 replies 0 reposts 21 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Yeah this is my issue with eating the rich. The rich are full of weird supplements and cosmetic fillers and they probably taste terrible. I only want to eat the organic grass-fed rich.
3 replies 0 reposts 31 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I progressively get more tired of people's shit as I get older and at this point all I really want to do to this guy is glare judgingly and then silently leave the room, never to return to a room he is in. I don't even have the energy to bury someone, shallow grave or no.
1 replies 0 reposts 14 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Also those things have such low ground clearance there's absolutely no way they could get it onto a tow truck without mangling the fancy body stuff on the bottom. AND they're probably monumentally fussy in such a way that they must be towed on a flatbed. I love cars but they're so silly.
2 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I think I'm technically a millionaire now but actually I just own a small house in the PNW and have been putting money in my 401k for 10 years. I assure you I do not have yacht money. I have Midrange Sedan Money.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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People gotta stop calling me out like this
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I have dyscalculia and one of my symptoms is that my brain thinks time and clocks are stupid and irrelevant and refuses to engage with them. I am in my 40s and cannot reliably read an analog clock despite my best efforts.
1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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My IRL superpower is Good Parking Juju. If I pull into a full lot, someone inevitably leaves a conveniently placed space just as I am coming up to it.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Your suitcase is always just within the airline's weight limit. You always have just the number of bags you need for your groceries. All dogs love you and listen when you tell them to do things.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Sometimes it's just like, welp, you're a cool person and I valued the relationship we had but now that relationship is fully deceased and I do not want to watch its shambling zombie corpse staggering around so BYE.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Sometimes you just Cannot Get Over It. I stopped being friends with some people who panicked and ghosted when my family member died. They didn't mean any harm and we were all emotionally immature and they didn't know how to cope and they apologized, but I can't get over that they didn't even try.
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I SHOULD have dropped him after he sexually harassed me at my own birthday party in front of my partner and a bunch of friends who didn't know him, but I can't stop trying to make that somehow my fault so I just kept hanging in until the thesis thing at which point I was like "WHAT NO FUCK YOU"
1 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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I'm still mad at the ex-friend who begged to read my MA thesis after it had been submitted and sent to the printer and then emailed me a list of typos he found. That's not the real reason I blocked but it is the proximate reason. The real reason is harder to digest because it's sexual harassment.
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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For some reason "THAT FUCKING GUY" is a different category from "petty" for me and theater man is solidly in the "THAT FUCKING GUY" column.
0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
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funnyletter
@funnyletter.bsky.social
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Honestly given that it seems like most LLMs got a LOT of data via scraping Reddit I'm not sure we even need to. Redditors do be shitposting. At some point LLMs are going to develop Shitposting Detection and then we're fuck(smith)ed, but until then...
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