Non-Smokey Bear

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 02:44 UTC

No clue what Paul Reiser is up to these days but, wherever he is, I hope he’s disgustingly jacked and vascular. Just absolutely fucking torn.

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 02:13 UTC

Does kinesiology tape work on penis? I have a tendency to pull it then wake up stiff. 🥁

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 01:01 UTC

😂

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 00:10 UTC

Are people wearing Al-Qaeda stuff ironically yet cause I got decades-old boxes of questionable T-shirt’s I need to move.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 22:26 UTC

“Listen, I also wish they didn’t allow dogs whose owners are of a higher socioeconomic class into your public pool but I don’t make the rules. Now fetch, Ruben. Qualifiers are in a week and the Robinsons hardly need another ribbon in their summer house.”

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 02:13 UTC

She’s a 10 but will only make love while listening to the Glen Miller Orchestra

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 21:03 UTC

Instead of shaming people for watching supposed step-sibling porn, let’s acknowledge that it’s a disease…a disease known as supsis. Hey-oh!

0 replies 2 reposts 7 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 20:57 UTC

Shit myself training for Toyotathon

0 replies 2 reposts 12 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 12:31 UTC

I gave coat check my ticket like 5 minutes ago. I’m worried they may have lost my shotgun scabbard.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 14:28 UTC

I’ll definitely give it a watch. Thanks for sharing.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 01:59 UTC

Is this “Review”?

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:50 UTC

Fergie had better not get stranded in the mountains with starving companions, on account of the Fergaliciousness

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 19:06 UTC

I think they include the silica packets for free so you get thirsty and drink more

0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 19:54 UTC

Wow, Oasis has a lot of real garbage songs.

2 replies 3 reposts 25 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 03:46 UTC

Build Back Better? Please. It’s time for Biden to pitch us National Rejuvenation Therapy.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 03:36 UTC

I lost my novelty oversized “Imperial Core #1” foam hand. Holiday ruined.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 13:54 UTC

Icy Hot but for emotional aches and pains

0 replies 2 reposts 4 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 03:06 UTC

You don’t open carry a 14th century English long-sword because it’s comfortable. You open carry a 14th century English long-sword because it’s comforting and your wife left you.

0 replies 4 reposts 8 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 23:20 UTC

What was Neo’s last name in The Matrix? Was it Matrix? That’s very lazy writing.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 21:40 UTC

Retro toilets just can’t handle the modern turd needs of my family and I

1 replies 3 reposts 16 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 15:42 UTC

Hoping the proctologist can find that gum I swallowed a while back

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 20:21 UTC

This Ice-nine smoothie was a mistake

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 19:38 UTC

I always go to the haunted house when I need to take a monster dump

0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 14:15 UTC

The part in The Sixth Sense where Bruce Willis finds out he’s on the phantasm spectrum

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 22:29 UTC

Should never have let my Polar Bear Club membership lapse. Now I have to reinitiate and I HATE the taste of seal blood

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 17:58 UTC

We get it, Anthony Kiedis. You love bridge heroin.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 06:01 UTC

Got an advanced copy of Mike Pence’s autobiography, Pence and Penceablility. It’s great so far.

0 replies 2 reposts 9 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 05:33 UTC

House Harkonnen is all about spice and alopecia.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 04:37 UTC

There’s so much more ear canal maintenance as you age.

0 replies 3 reposts 15 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 11:39 UTC

“Kratom? I hardly knew ‘em!” “…Please step out of the car, sir.”

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 16:03 UTC

Those guys in jail for pushing have been punished enough. Free the Matchbox 20.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 02:41 UTC

This “Teaches of Peaches” summer camp is wildly age-inappropriate.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 13:52 UTC

Wishing my boomer Facebook friend happy birthday on all 6 of his profiles

0 replies 3 reposts 29 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 12:16 UTC

At some point I became old and boring, pubic man-bun notwithstanding

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 03:24 UTC

Ridiculous title. “Bat-Pat” would have made so much more sense.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 15:13 UTC

The miu miu doesn’t get enough attention as a garment for concealed carry

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 13:14 UTC

My urologist is the best there is but his practice is called Pissworx. Unfortunate.

0 replies 3 reposts 14 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 01:43 UTC

“Must Love Dogs” (2005) is being remade into a buddy cop film. “Must Love (Shooting) Dogs” will be out next spring.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 21:50 UTC

If there’s one thing I miss about being a bachelor, it’s pounding a gallon of milk while pissing all over the toilet seat.

1 replies 2 reposts 6 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 03:58 UTC

Using the heat off my suppressor to bake scones and earn my man-card

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 01:55 UTC

Excited to watch the biopic about the father of laxatives, Ploppenheimer.

0 replies 3 reposts 8 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 00:53 UTC

“Danger zone? It’s about time you visited the manger zone.” -God

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 20:16 UTC

That’d have me howling forever oh-oh

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 20:06 UTC

TV on the Radio? What will they think of next?!

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Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 15:57 UTC

Getting my mouth measured for a new set of silverware.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Non-Smokey Bear @linoleum.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 02:42 UTC

You should have dinner at Mick Fleetwood’s house when he makes Mac n cheese. It’s a laugh riot.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes