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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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maybe I can train my cat to scratch my arm just right and pop my ganglion cyst
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Maximilian Ximenez@maxximenez.bsky.social |
100 followers 212 following 1974 posts
Literary agent, Fortean psychonaut, lapsed SubGenius and self-defined "asexual libertine." The eternal September and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. All inquiries to email.
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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maybe I can train my cat to scratch my arm just right and pop my ganglion cyst
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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A little late to the party, but I remember a bunch of people were having a conniption fit about some D&D art with Mexican themed orcs... And then I found out that there have been a nation of Mexican flavored orcs in Mystara/BECMI's Hollow Earth setting since like 1990, the Krugel Horde.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so cold
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Telekinetic Yeti is legit one of my favorite bands
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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"Scarface? No no. Scarf ace. My zest for a warm and comfy neck is dwarfed only by my antipathy for carnal pleasure"
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I enjoy them both and they are equally bad as technical examples of cinema but one is significantly worse on a moral level and equivocating them just legitimizes scientology.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I mean Waterworld is bad because it's hokey overproduced schlock, Battlefield Earth is recruitment propaganda for an abusive cult that also rails against a field of medicine that has improved the lives of millions if not billions.
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I used to be an effusive NYC chauvinist, constantly harping about how it was the best city in the world last night I was charged $9 for a side of rice at a Mexican restaurant and now I demand Manhattan be purified by nuclear fire
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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And who will be performing health inspections at all of these federal facilities suddenly bootstrapped into being cafeterias?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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The magic of cinema
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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That venn diagram is like 80% of the WH40k clientele
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Born and raised here. I'd say that we didn't used to get "that smell" until late July and it was mostly an August phenomenon. Now it comes in late June and lasts through September.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Ernest Saves America?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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"In theory could one un-boil a frog by dunking it in liquid nitrogen? 🤔"
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Asexual sexting is like "babe I've been awake since six am researching 15th century Italian recipes I can't wait to make you dinner"
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Logically and statistically in that first city writing itself would probably be restricted to members of the priestly caste and nobility who would be interested in supporting the status quo. The Epic of Gilgamesh predates Mozi by thousand of years.
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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The Yucatan can't help but be the center of a climactic emergency, can it?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Man dream theater is gonna suck now
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Taylor Swift can't be a role model to children because most children's fathers cannot afford to buy them a record company to give them a career
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Let's be honest, we all know that if Biden steps down we need to let Carter run for his second term. It's his turn.
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bitdizzy is absent
@bitdizzy.bsky.social
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> writer > author > writer > author never be alone with one of these people. people who love their own words are fundamentally dangerous.
3 replies 7 reposts 31 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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For a second I forgot it was the 4th of July and then I saw a really colorful firework in the sky and thought "oh God I'm having another migraine aren't I?"
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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issuing correction on a previous post of mine, regarding the child slaver ghislain maxwell. you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to her"
0 replies 1 reposts 14 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Man have you ever thought to yourself I just kind of want to live like a monk for a month and like rake rocks and tend to bee hives and shit but I also don't want to like whole ass join a cult
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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i wonder if the rules limiting the height of parisian buildings is why the nation of france has never produced a kaiju film
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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kicking down the door of the med spa and slamming my butthole safety officer badge on the counter just in time to stop an illegal asshole bleaching
1 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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As a New Yorker, us educating you on your culture is part of our culture
1 replies 0 reposts 10 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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on the other hand the optimus prime toy they released for that line has a bitchin' surfboard that transforms into a zweihander
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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oh god is kansas city bbq sauce just bulgogi sauce!?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Les Mis isn't even the french revolution that people care about!
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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"Maxwell? Sir you Maxmediocre, at best."
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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"you turned the chuck e cheese ballpit into a mosh pit, what were you thinking?"
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I was born in 92 and see nothing wrong with this
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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need some names for trivia teams that showed up to trivia night at the mead hall in valhalla
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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the fact that I used to be an admin for a warcraft forum the isla vista shooter posted on helped me realize I was ace
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Do you guys not like still talk to your old WoW guildmates or something?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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My politics can be described as "transhumanist whig" aka "a hair transplant"
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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one thing people don't realize about most fantasy worlds is that most elven communities would logically be full of DINKs due to their low birthrates. paradise.
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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this has gotta be how the zombie plague starts
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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As a DM I love to include shit like this in my game. It's not a cursed object per se but the characters will look ridiculous in it. The ranger in my last campaign wore an iridescent spidersilk evening gown over his leather armor and had a big ol pair of Bombadil boots
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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the worst of GWAR sounds like the best of Primus
youtu.be/DNvYminXUmc
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I'm not saying a shrimp fried this rice. I'm saying that your pitiful little world would collapse if you even entertained the notion of a shrimp being capable of frying rice. You simply can't conceive of it.
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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For so long marginalized creators have had to be exceptional just to get the attention of the straight, white powers that be. Frankly, mediocre media made by/and or for marginalized peoples is it's own kind of social justice. We should be allowed to make bad art like everyone else.
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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I'd like to think I have an encyclopedic knowledge of transformers lore but I admit the trials of the gobots are a hole in my knowledge. Do they crave go-gurt like cybertronians need energon?
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Maximilian Ximenez
@maxximenez.bsky.social
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Stanley thermoses his toeses are roses but Stanley thermoses erroneously
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes