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Midsomer Murders Bot

@midsomerplots.bsky.social

557 followers 33 following 1716 posts

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Engaged to @knittingaunt.bsky.social

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A wildlife reserve volunteer is found as human bones for sale on Amazon.com. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Macy’s newly formed Flat Moon society, disturbed that a missing codex might threaten what little sexual tension the town has left.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A wildlife reserve volunteer is found suspended from a bridge over troubled water. Suspicion falls on Great Auburn’s beautiful, mentally unstable girl, disturbed that dinner parties might threaten quacks in the supply chain of toy duck tea infusers.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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www.independent.co.uk/news/health/...

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Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A seller of 100% organic clarinet reeds is found hanged from a beam in a barn whilst sedated with barbituates. Suspicion falls on Barton in the Beans’ fiddlers association, angry that a nearby NATO airbase might threaten the possibility of Victorian civilization being re-established following Brexit

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The village’s intemperate Buddhist is found pecked to death by a stork. Suspicion falls on South Horton’s Christopher Lee impersonator, disturbed that failure to wear face masks might threaten the town’s largely potpourri-based economy.

0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A local historian is found drowned in Causton’s public toilets. Suspicion falls on Tunbridge Unwells’ Shaft Appreciation Society, angry that Lionel Blair lookalikes might threaten the local deer sanctuary.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The second reviewer of a philosophy paper is found layered into a hawthorn hedge. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Blighty’s friends of a flamboyant MP in a Saville Row suit, obsessed that the annual papadum eating competition might threaten to dredge up events from twenty-five years ago.

0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A local homeopath is found covered with gold after three years in a lime-filled urn. Suspicion falls on Fag End’s duck-call society, angry that new vernacular might threaten recycling of plots by British crime show writers.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A famous werewolf actor is found dead following a sword duel. Suspicion falls on Watership’s witch, confused that a rogue peacock might threaten common decency.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A 60 year old woman dressed as Olaf the snowman is found murdered for the princely sum of 13p. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Wyvern’s Blue Peter fan club, upset that a hacked driverless car might threaten a rare plant found on the cricket pitch.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A local arsonist is found with a wound one inch broad and four inches deep, reaching to the heart. Suspicion falls on Bishopwood’s amateur drama group, confused that competition for parking spaces in Sainsbury’s might threaten to expose the entire Universe as just a giant trick of the light.

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The local bricklayer is found tied to the mouth of a cannon, which was then fired. Suspicion falls on Devington’s Hell’s Angels chapter, frightened that the opening of a new Boston Dynamics testing facility might threaten the lace tatting competition.

0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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Just been and gone the other day, adding to the wish list for next year @knittingaunt.bsky.social

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Midsomer Murders Bot

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A huge fan of pineapple on pizza is found crushed underneath large condom dispensing machine. Suspicion falls on Stoats Wold’s metal detectorists, confused that parking restrictions might threaten to interrupt the Miss Potato and Lamb judging.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A celebrated cellist is found sliced up with a grass trimmer. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Holm’s manager of Midsomer’s largest banana farm, upset that a charismatic out-of-towner might threaten more first world problems.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The local viscount is found burst open, crushed between movable shelving. Suspicion falls on Bushygap’s financially-embarrassed aristocrat, angry that low vitamin D levels in vampires might threaten the coldest winter Midsomer’s ever seen.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A despotic archaeologist is found encased in a giant candle. Suspicion falls on Little Malton’s choir, disturbed that failure to wear face masks might threaten the local Rusty Nail-and-Hook festival.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A seditious Marxist is found more bereft of life than an ex-parrot. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Newton’s Mosley appreciation society, frightened that a proposed zoo might threaten to reveal the existence of the Society of Elite Librarians.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A Caroline Graham fan is found impaled on a 50 ft stake. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mow’s short-wave radio club, frightened that a big movie shoot taking place in the town might threaten the annual cheese festival.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The stag in Badger’s Drift Mummers is found steamed to death. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Holm’s green society, angry that badger culling might threaten ChatGPT (Mansplaining as a Service).

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The manager of a nazi-tolerating social media company is found sliced up and fed to pigs. Suspicion falls on Morton Fendle’s society of Venus watchers, worried that the end of local tobacco production might threaten reruns of Are You Being Served.

1 replies 5 reposts 18 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A person who doesn’t talk to cleaners is found dead following a heated parish council meeting. Suspicion falls on Kingswood Country’s leader of a local steel band, upset that Pizza Hut orders routed though Midsomer Mallow might threaten the local Rusty Nail-and-Hook festival.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A visiting Toby Jug provenance evaluator is found beaten to death with an oak staff. Suspicion falls on Little Auburn’s Association of Argentine Tango Dancers, frightened that a plan to sell off the mansion might threaten to chop down the millenia-old yew tree.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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An eccentric pensioner is found with the eyeballs pecked out by a glossy ibis. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Cicely’s pigeon pant makers, angry that midnight rituals might threaten duffle coat production.

1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A teapot collector is found booted into eternity. Suspicion falls on Kingswood Country’s genetics society, worried that the arrival of a touring pantomime might threaten a nearby grotto associated with a medieval saint.

0 replies 3 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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An empathic microbiologist is found strangled with dental floss. Suspicion falls on Pandlefoot Bailey’s plucky gnome weaver of beribboned lavender wands, upset that meddling ornithologists might threaten urgent climate change action.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A former Prime Minister is found dead with their privates inexplicably lodged in the vicarage donations box. Suspicion falls on Torpenhow’s financially-embarrassed aristocrat, deeply concerned that competition for parking spaces in Sainsbury’s might threaten the local Rusty Nail-and-Hook festival.

0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A 60 year old woman dressed as Olaf the snowman is found self-combusted with a pencil in each hand. Suspicion falls on Gumpton Marsh’s ghost hunters society, upset that the opening of a new Boston Dynamics testing facility might threaten the centuries-old maypole tradition.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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An undecided quantum information theorist is found run over by a steamroller. Suspicion falls on Watership’s Neighbourhood Watch Alliance, angry that the village's new bell-ringing team might threaten the decoration of bespoke bridal cakes.

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The local end-of-the-world street preacher is found dead after eating hallucinogenic spinach. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Wellow’s hyrlîan team, disturbed that a proposed zoo might threaten agricultural exhibitions in the country.

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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The local stranger is found dead in a pit full of cobras. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Worthy’s church community, frightened that a giant, runaway inflatable duck might threaten to reveal that the moon is not made of cheese.

0 replies 2 reposts 11 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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Next weekend: the wedding (if I live that long)

2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by Midsomer Murders Bot

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A secretarial student is found dead after a tragic masturbation ’accident’. Suspicion falls on Ferne Basset’s circus troupe, worried that dangerous liaisons on a croquet lawn might threaten the end of The Economist.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A local mayor is found with an arrow inflicting a mortal wound on the left side of the belly. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Herne’s pencil sharpening society, obsessed that the closure of the local cake shop might threaten rambling rights.

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A pornography baron is found dead in a manner inspired by The Bill. Suspicion falls on Matching Trousers’ Pigeon Fancier Club, angry that bad takes by Quillette might threaten centuries of ultimately pointless tradition.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A local candle maker is found stung to death by deliberately enraged bees. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Market’s suspicious out-of-towners, deeply concerned that a bitter feud between local academics might threaten the annual cheese festival.

0 replies 3 reposts 6 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A woebegone lexicographer is found torn apart by hedgehogs. Suspicion falls on Haddington’s audiologist, One-Eared Brian, confused that cryptocurrencies might threaten 16 more murders.

0 replies 4 reposts 10 likes

Midsomer Murders Bot's avatar Midsomer Murders Bot @midsomerplots.bsky.social
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A keen-eyed lapidarist is found guillotined. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Morchard’s cosplay society, angry that long-held grudges in the local arts and crafts community might threaten Causton’s chances at winning the Village of the Year award.

0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes