punsandguns.bsky.social

@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 22:46 UTC

This kind of science fiction would be completely unwatchable. I like my science fiction to be somewhat believable.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 16:44 UTC

Turns out Rufus is actually a dufus.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 16:40 UTC

What if he is actually launching his own rage bait cooking TikTik channel? That would be so fucking relatable. What if he actually likes his burgers frozen with a kiss of sunlight and 2 inches of sliced cheese? He is a foodie and you don't know a new food trend is bout to go explode onto the scene

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 14:55 UTC

Gimli:

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 04:26 UTC

If you don't like agriculture, give it a chance. It grows on you. Even if you aren't particularly good at it, what do you have to lose? No farm no fowl.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 09, 2024 at 17:14 UTC

This is typical. I hear crows can be murder-ous. Besides, anyone working minimum wage will also tell you that working for peanuts can and will make you cranky in 6 months flat.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 07, 2024 at 13:15 UTC

Creating people like yourself is the universe' way of balancing things for creating people like Tarantino.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] May 29, 2024 at 19:03 UTC

"Watching a video of how off the rails you were at the company Christmas party", oil on canvas, circa 2024

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] May 24, 2024 at 00:18 UTC

I expected "jerky Scarlett Johansson" to be a lot drier. This one will go bad in 2-days tops.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 25, 2024 at 18:34 UTC

You hand them a "pepsi" and they hand you a dose of "isded" in return.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 24, 2024 at 20:34 UTC

I don't understand why you seem surprised by this. If it looks like a trash can, why can it not have other fun attributes of a trash can?

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 23, 2024 at 18:57 UTC

Voyager-I's love language is gibberish

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 19, 2024 at 17:54 UTC

I'll allow it. Some things are worth less than the sum of their parts and it is what it is...

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 19, 2024 at 15:38 UTC

Mostly because you have a conscience and you don't want to sell someone damaged goods

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 15, 2024 at 00:38 UTC

"I've told my team to manufacture the body panels with a tolerance of 10 mm. If lego can do it then so can we... No, focus all the efforts on the panels. PA. NELS. Not pedals. Fuck the pedals. Make them larger if you want. Yeah... Built for speed!"

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 14, 2024 at 22:44 UTC

You can't stop to think about it if the accelerator pedal gets stuck so I think Elon is 2 steps ahead of the game there.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 14, 2024 at 21:45 UTC

"Self accelerating is the first step towards self driving and I can't believe these plebs on Blue sky are questioning my genius" - Elon, most likely

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 12, 2024 at 15:00 UTC

I keep correcting my kids as well on this, but it's actually one hundred and ten billion. Not eleventy billion. /s

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 06, 2024 at 21:50 UTC

So you're saying that waffles can't be associated with Brady? Is that what you are saying? That's outrageous!

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 06, 2024 at 14:44 UTC

The fault lies somewhere else. The Internet just needs better Richter's for their material.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 05, 2024 at 16:20 UTC

It's true for all of history. This is why we don't actually hear a lot about ass dynasties at all.

#HorseGang

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 04, 2024 at 18:49 UTC

This is such a good hook... That I was fully satisfied reading it and never opened the book.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 01, 2024 at 00:31 UTC

The tiktok chefs were real even back then... They just were more easily accepted into mainstream cooking compared to now.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 01, 2024 at 00:27 UTC

At the end of every episode the coyote would get a participation steak trophy

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 01, 2024 at 00:26 UTC

Making that movie now would be an alien concept. (I know the movie isn't about aliens but let my dumb joke live!)

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 31, 2024 at 00:26 UTC

Somehow the virus gets incide-'er

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 30, 2024 at 20:18 UTC

Probably COVID...? Get tested!

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 29, 2024 at 03:56 UTC

That ship destroyed that bridge because nobody could contain-her

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 29, 2024 at 03:52 UTC

If you watch the videos, you can see the lights on the ship go in and out before the disaster and I haven't done extensive research on mothman but... the fucking lights on the ship... like... Is that not the M. O.?

media1.tenor.com/m/kXSETHeAwT...

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 29, 2024 at 00:03 UTC

This is one mount that I'm sure everyone saw coming. Just out of curiosity, how many pumps are a minimum requirement when you haven't had any in decades? Is it questionable testudinal behavior to last only a few seconds or is he expected to be ready for round two to save face?

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 27, 2024 at 14:55 UTC

Tough times call for a sink-or-swim attitude. Give that bridge an expert. Bridges love experts. I could keep making more tasteless puns about what has happened in the past but I'm going to let pylons be pylons.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 20:31 UTC

Better late than never. I never know how to handle these situations because in person you would have seen a stupid grin on my face as I make my comment and you'd know a dumb dad joke is about to ensue but online is a whole new world.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 01:38 UTC

Ok. Fair. I guess I've forgotten a lot about Twitter since I quit.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 00:26 UTC

It would have been further up if the list was sorted correctly?

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 19, 2024 at 00:03 UTC

If you zoom out slightly more, you see the pinnacle of pathetic where the owner of the said brand interacts with the two accounts of his brand. @XAsperating @XCruciating @XtremelySad

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 14, 2024 at 02:05 UTC

A lot of people blame their cats for things that these people are perfectly capable of doing on their own... smh. It's a good thing cats don't give shit about what you blame them for.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 10, 2024 at 21:59 UTC

I'm positive there is like a Wikipedia type well of news and headlines that all journalists go to but it's an invite-only exclusive club and us normal people don't know about it yet.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 10, 2024 at 21:56 UTC

Given a regular piece of toast and french toast, you can identify the French toast because only one of them possesses a certain je ne sais quoi.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 09, 2024 at 14:25 UTC

Did you know that one of Natalie's toes isn't actually a toe, it is made up. It's a portmanteau.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 05, 2024 at 01:15 UTC

*Responds back with anger management helpline phone number and resources*

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 04, 2024 at 04:02 UTC

Let's not create elaborate ways to rid ourselves of these people. There are tried and tested classics that work just as well without burning fuel.

cdn.britannica.com/27/194327-05...

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 04, 2024 at 03:56 UTC

"To put it kindly, I know at least 1 person who found it mind-blowing."

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 01, 2024 at 00:54 UTC

*my best Samuel L. Jackson impression* "I'm so sick of these m'er effing pups on this m'er effing plane!" Pups on a plane. PG-13. Mild language warning. Coming summer 2024.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 28, 2024 at 16:56 UTC

They are amassing an army at the border and telling us it's a training exercise. 2/2

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 28, 2024 at 16:56 UTC

They did not back down. They are still going through with it. They just issued a statement saying they won't raise prices during peak demand but if we know anything about businesses it is that their statements and their actions aren't consistent with each other. 1/2

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 27, 2024 at 18:31 UTC

When the programmer doesn't want to spend the time building the logic of only sending an email to people who *have* messages, the programmer simply changes the wording of the email blast so that it is *technically* correct. The best kind of correct. Another ticket closed!

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 26, 2024 at 19:16 UTC

When an NFL team owner sticks with their coach because the coach is on stupid contract and the owner doesn't have the money to fire the coach and get someone decent.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 22, 2024 at 13:48 UTC

And then cut to a younger version of the Genie singing a special rendition of "I'm blue" by Eiffel 65. This'll be great for a prequel storyline.

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 21, 2024 at 19:52 UTC

And then the person runs away and turns a corner but runs into a skeleton and scariest part of the skeleton is that they have perfectly aligned teeth. GASP! I mean... CRIKEY!

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@punsandguns.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 20, 2024 at 01:12 UTC

Getting my tin foil hat adjusted... THE EARTH IS FLAT. THE BIRDS ARE GOVERNMENT SURVEILLANCE. THE CLOUDS ARE FAKE AND USED FOR MONITORING YOUR BRAINS!!!

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