Jerry Seinfeld Official

@seinfeldofficial.bsky.social

19 followers 14 following 51 posts

Official account of Jerry Seinfeld not that there's anything wrong with that

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 17:47 UTC

my favorite part of genesis is where asuka fucking domes one of the angels... wait.. wrong book i tjink

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 20:13 UTC

fwiw my truck eventually started overheating bc the exhaust was plugged up. cut it out with a sawzall and bought my girl dinner with the scrapyard money

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 09:02 UTC

these days you cant even modify a komatsu D355A with makeshift composite armor plating. because of woke

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

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edward @edward86.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 15:42 UTC

It's noon on june 29th which means faggots have 36 hours before they are no longer allowed at dunkin donuts. Try our sourdough breakfast sandwich while you still can

0 replies 4 reposts 5 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 19:31 UTC

they should make an episode of the sopranos where chrissy gets involved with the ftra and ends up with a stretched septum and a line tattooed on his face

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 20:00 UTC

arf

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 20:00 UTC

posting that you wanna goon with 12 guys on main happy pride

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

edward @edward86.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 20:07 UTC

we are so fucking back. god i love amphetamines

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 03, 2024 at 08:21 UTC

the birds and the bees? no thanks id rather have a rail scanner and fleas

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

edward @edward86.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 01, 2024 at 23:50 UTC

stahbucks cawfee is for fuckin heteros, bro. drink dunkies

0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

edward @edward86.bsky.social
[ View ] May 30, 2024 at 18:24 UTC

old timey horse mechanic: yeah man your horseburetor is shot its gonna be about 400 gold coins to replace

0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 31, 2024 at 04:37 UTC

gonna get that marilyn manson surgery but the opposite. need an extra rib so i can stop suckin my own dick

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 29, 2024 at 20:12 UTC

im like if caitlyn jenner didnt commit vehicular manslaughter

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 28, 2024 at 06:58 UTC

taking my puppy (girlfriend) to the dogpark (trainyard)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

edward @edward86.bsky.social
[ View ] Oct 06, 2023 at 16:16 UTC

boomers: i hate my bitch wife millenials: i love my bitch wife zoomers: i need a butch wife

2 replies 13 reposts 84 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 24, 2024 at 20:19 UTC

one day we will all sit down to play a game of rummy

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 21, 2024 at 04:19 UTC

lifestyle anarchist you have to stop. you smoke too tough. your praxis too fun. your polycule too big. theyll cancel you

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 14, 2024 at 20:06 UTC

aphex twin

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] May 01, 2024 at 06:11 UTC

i astral projected to your hood and nobody knew you!

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 25, 2024 at 19:22 UTC

gay men on grindr: profile name traveling 👀 first pic high angle selfie of bearded man smiling second pic closeup of "abs" trans women on grindr: profile name Protect&ServingCunt first pic is the most well composed ass shot youve seen in your life

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 24, 2024 at 01:32 UTC

smokin that shit that caused the fall of reach

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 13, 2024 at 01:35 UTC

need a leninist baddie to put me up against the wall if u know what i mean

0 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 10, 2024 at 11:49 UTC

tweaker barack obama: uhhhh lemme smoke clear

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 09, 2024 at 20:32 UTC

its only sex if at least one person is laying down. bottoming in the dive bar stall is just fooling around not sex

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 05, 2024 at 20:12 UTC

tired of the day to day. i need hair i dont have to comb. teeth i dont need to brush. an ass i dont gotta wipe

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 05, 2024 at 17:51 UTC

johnathan tramp and the locomotives

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 29, 2024 at 09:28 UTC

me at the hhig themed blowjob convention

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 28, 2024 at 03:12 UTC

pleading the fifth to my sponsor

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

cass @melt.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 26, 2024 at 04:35 UTC

Sick of the fuckin puppy girls. You're 30. Put your pants back on.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 24, 2024 at 05:24 UTC

because of woke women cant be shopping no more

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 16:10 UTC

chaser bf but instead of wanting me bc i got weird gender its bc im poor and stink good

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 18, 2024 at 23:22 UTC

just relapsed in church call me a crystal methodist

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 16, 2024 at 01:10 UTC

feel i should clarify that this was a mayoral election

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 16, 2024 at 01:09 UTC

yeah im a "dog girl", no i wont bark for you yes i can definitely be trusted around stray cats

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 13, 2024 at 01:44 UTC

they should make pnp for sober people

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Mar 11, 2024 at 00:12 UTC

stealing my roomates mail in ballots so i can write in joe biden #votebluenomatterwho

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Feb 29, 2024 at 10:24 UTC

thought my fat ass disqualified me from being a twink but you learn something new every day

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Feb 23, 2024 at 21:15 UTC

rawring god complex cock it XD it

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Feb 08, 2024 at 21:06 UTC

showercels be seething over stinkchads

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Feb 04, 2024 at 07:00 UTC

propertycels be seething over graffitichads

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

cass @melt.bsky.social
[ View ] Dec 08, 2023 at 00:06 UTC

We're not the best graffiti crew in the city. We're also not even a good graffiti crew in the city. We do not live in the city at all. We commute 45 minutes into town to do horseshit graffiti. Absolute dogwater.

1 replies 2 reposts 7 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Feb 02, 2024 at 10:31 UTC

at the trainyard typing away at my laptop like "hold up lemme pull up my blackbook" #digitalart

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 28, 2024 at 17:15 UTC

I see entirely too many men today in streaming ads praising the great prices and easy home delivery of hims. when they should be praising HIM. They are worrying about ED when they should be worrying about Eternal Damnation.

39 replies 66 reposts 554 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 29, 2024 at 05:20 UTC

as someone constantly getting cited by parking enforcement for my three broken down cars this is ideal

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 27, 2024 at 09:20 UTC

ass so good it got a je ne sais quoi

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 27, 2024 at 03:17 UTC

wish i was as clockable as him tbh

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

L 🚴‍♀️ @mayoroflondon.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 26, 2024 at 01:01 UTC

I TRIED SO HARD TO NOT FUCK GUYS BUT IN THE EEEEEND IM STILL A LOWKEY FAGGOT

0 replies 2 reposts 2 likes

Jerry Seinfeld Official @seinfeldofficial.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 22, 2024 at 06:09 UTC

they should put pete buttigieg in fortnite

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Jerry Seinfeld Official

L 🚴‍♀️ @mayoroflondon.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 19, 2024 at 09:54 UTC

Gee how come mom lets you suck AND fuck?

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes