Shelley Franklin Collum

Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 19:43 UTC

In 2024, a felon could be voted president and the power grid is overloaded by computers using artificial intelligence to make pictures of Jesus made of shrimp. Stay in school, kids, the future's so bright I gotta wear shades.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 19:40 UTC

Finally a use for sister cities beyond a footnote on town signage. Karachi and Houston, TX- bound together by fate to save the world.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 20:55 UTC

I'm done with news and instead I'm channeling all my energy into Garfield. No longer argue about politics but have many hard opinions about lasagna and Mondays.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 11:10 UTC

UK has a lot going for it, here the election only lasts a couple of months and it's also full of idiots but we have lots more flavors of Pringles.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 16:59 UTC

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, and wondering at what time it's socially acceptable for me to rip into dis bag of flaming hot Doritos.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 07, 2024 at 11:49 UTC

Another draft done, and thisclose to getting to share this new story with you.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] May 11, 2024 at 13:03 UTC

I never activated Siri and have eternally walked around with my iphone yelling at me for having not completed setup. Oh, but I have. I have not completed setup even harder seeing this.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] May 10, 2024 at 17:40 UTC

The John Mulaney live show thing on Netflix is such a fever dream and then Warren G comes out and there's people doing a little skit with Regulators and I think there must be arsenic or summin in my wallpaper because I am tripping balls.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 17, 2024 at 10:46 UTC

Algorithms are funny things. Facebook thinks I'm a nostalgic invalid, Instagram thinks I'm a fitness freak, and Twitter thinks I'm a moron.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 12, 2024 at 16:08 UTC

I went to school in North Carolina, we spent more time watching March Madness than ever talking about Reconstruction.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 11, 2024 at 19:35 UTC

Oooh I wish I could get Cheerwine. I got a box today filled with Peeps, Goldfish Crackers, and fish fry mix. I'm a simple woman.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 11, 2024 at 19:23 UTC

Oh nothing, just my super secure can of Manwich.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 10, 2024 at 20:09 UTC

I love title puns and for my money you're never gonna do better than House 2: The Second Story.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 06, 2024 at 20:00 UTC

Oh I just discovered I can make posts and set them so no one can reply. I have finally found my perfect social media. I totally can wait to hear what you think.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 04, 2024 at 16:48 UTC

Nerd Productivity tip- I start every writing session now with the 'Boot Up' noise from the OST of Hypnospace Outlaw and I've gotten a quarter of the book edited in three weeks.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Apr 02, 2024 at 10:35 UTC

I've been accused of having resting bitch face but they just catch me during one of the many periods in a day when I have the French and Saunders theme tune stuck in my head bop a dooweeoo.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 28, 2024 at 17:41 UTC

Finally, number go up.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 28, 2024 at 14:35 UTC

I can't understand all these super rich people doing evil things when the Amalfi Coast is right there and you could actually afford to lounge around there eating seafood all day not being evil.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 16:25 UTC

Totally. Every scene has that wobbly feeling from a movie where a steadicam is pointed at a character's face and they are careening to or from something terrible.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 20, 2024 at 16:21 UTC

Master and Margarita is like mainlining absinthe.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 16, 2024 at 21:26 UTC

I just 100% completed Hypnospace Outlaw and I don't know what to do with my life now.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 03, 2024 at 14:27 UTC

I cannot stop playing Supermarket Simulator, an endless loop of restocking and aspiration. All the fun I remember of working at the grocery store when I was 16, without the stress of getting blamed for stealing $200 from the till when I know it was the manager. I saw you, Diane.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 27, 2024 at 21:25 UTC

My husband got a 3D printer but with the sounds coming from his office I like to think he's becoming the best damn DJ ever and he's gonna save the teen rec center with his scratching skills.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 27, 2024 at 10:39 UTC

I.. thought I was the only one.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 26, 2024 at 21:12 UTC

Lol it's not you but now I worry I gave the people I do follow a complex.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 25, 2024 at 13:02 UTC

Hear me out, can the new Ghostbusters please find a way to bring in Kate McKinnon? I need more Holtzmann in my life and I'm sure she could make a universe bender out of a Nutri-bullet.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 19, 2024 at 10:47 UTC

For being a very pretty movie that I didn't find to be particularly good, I've thought about the ending of Saltburn like every day.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 14, 2024 at 16:12 UTC

My Jesus has six fingers.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 11, 2024 at 19:51 UTC

I really like the Pizza Hut here because it smells like Bacon Bits and they play 80s music and I'm a simple girl.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 07, 2024 at 11:26 UTC

You should make yourself into a productivity influencer and your big secret is being up at 4 am. It's all framing.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 07, 2024 at 09:17 UTC

Because I have a kid I get to games very late, but I need to get it out there that the musical sequence in Alan Wake 2 is up there in my favorite game levels ever.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Feb 07, 2024 at 09:16 UTC

There was one yesterday that was 'terms for flatulence' and that was my top row. I felt deeply ashamed.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jan 23, 2024 at 17:53 UTC

In Sweden it's called Oxveckor, the time of year where you put your head down like an ox and trod through the field with no joy in sight to sway from your prescribed drudgery. But then a very old lady feeds a bird.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jan 15, 2024 at 21:38 UTC

I popped back in just to see if people were talking about the reboot of Gladiators, so that's where I'm at emotionally.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Jan 15, 2024 at 21:24 UTC

I still occasionally want to reach out to David Lynch for a weather report.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Dec 21, 2023 at 16:08 UTC

Pineapples being a strong decorative motif both in South Carolina and amongst swinger couples has to lead to some kind of shenanigan at some point.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Dec 19, 2023 at 15:40 UTC

Frankenstein could never get published today, they'd be like Mary, girl, this starts with thirty pages of letters to a man's sister where nothing happens, you gotta punch the reader in the face in the first 10 with a decapitation or something.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Dec 11, 2023 at 14:50 UTC

Lock these people in a room with the people who muse "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is actually kind of creepy when you think about it.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Dec 11, 2023 at 14:47 UTC

They were gonna name it Godzilla Minus Minus but thought it may make him seem a little too self-deprecating.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Nov 30, 2023 at 13:09 UTC

My sci-fi microfiction that had to include "getting a dental implant" and "a bathtub" didn't win the contest, but I like it so maybe you will, too. They said it was too absurd but maybe they're just not absurd enough. www.shelleycollum.com/micro #writers #authors

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Nov 21, 2023 at 20:28 UTC

I love The Curse but you gotta do something else while watching it because otherwise you take all the cringe head-on and no one can withstand that without collapsing into a singularity of second-hand embarrassment.

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Shelley Franklin Collum @shellzncheez.bsky.social [ View ] Nov 21, 2023 at 17:31 UTC

did he give you Fountainhead?

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