Alex Blechman

John Cullen @nellucnhoj.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 15:06 UTC

4 replies 12 reposts 110 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 16:27 UTC

Son: Dad, can you play catch with me? Me: (gesturing at PC) Sorry kiddo, I’m busy playing Dad Simulator: Father of the Year Edition and I’m about to beat my high score Son in Game: Nice throw, dad!

4 replies 18 reposts 95 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 06:18 UTC

Busby Berkeley style dance number "No No No, That's Not The Way It Happened"

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 22:32 UTC

Elden Ring isn’t actually that difficult despite its reputation. The game gives you a staff that shoots blue lasers. If you choose not to shoot blue lasers at everything and instead carry a big sword so you look like Guts from Berserk, I respect that, but it’s a choice

7 replies 10 reposts 78 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 17:22 UTC

Bluesky should have an Elden Ring Message feed that includes every post writeable with the game’s vocabulary and grammar options

3 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 16:56 UTC

If a perfectly reflective mile-wide sphere appeared floating over Washington DC it probably wouldn’t change much People would grumble “Now there’s a big sphere. As if we didn’t have enough on our plates already.” News articles about the sphere, if the sphere intends good or evil, would get 3 likes

0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 16:27 UTC

Son: Dad, can you play catch with me? Me: (gesturing at PC) Sorry kiddo, I’m busy playing Dad Simulator: Father of the Year Edition and I’m about to beat my high score Son in Game: Nice throw, dad!

4 replies 18 reposts 95 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 19:55 UTC

My startup NecroSync was founded on a simple yet visionary idea When a customer logs into your website, we run an ancestry search on their name, create AI replicas of all their dead relatives, and play an ad where their grandparents beg them to buy your product We are valued at $74 Billion

2 replies 4 reposts 25 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] May 24, 2024 at 20:25 UTC

Now that Bluesky has DMs there’s no excuse but laziness not to write a personalized thank you note to everyone who liked your post

5 replies 23 reposts 152 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 17:05 UTC

Supreme Court: If a politician gets paid to do something but they’re wearing a leash when they do it, legally that is not a bribe but a kink

1 replies 2 reposts 18 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 16:28 UTC

I bought a pdf of every Hellboy comic so I can read them on my computer. This is the sci-fi future predicted by Jules Verne in his book “The Fantastical Lightning-Powered Hellboy Apparatus”

0 replies 1 reposts 12 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 15:49 UTC

Bank Robber: (gesturing with gun) Put the gratuities in the bag

0 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 23:18 UTC

Finally the dream of doing Darth Maul acrobatics in Elden Ring has come true

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 22:43 UTC

President in year 2064: Oh wise and all-knowing computer. Earth is a wasteland. There is no food, no water, it is 100 degrees in the winter. Tell us how to save humanity Computer: beautiful cabin crew 💋 scarlett johansson

0 replies 2 reposts 18 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Mar 21, 2024 at 15:58 UTC

It’s pretty great being a Tomb Guardian. I stand in a subterranean crypt holding an accursed broadsword. Every few hundred years an errant knight or grave robber intrudes, but other than that I have lots of free time. I can stare at the eldritch inscriptions or utter a deathly rasp, whatever I want

2 replies 13 reposts 70 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 23:28 UTC

The classic weakness of magic-resistant enemies. Rocks aren’t magic, just geology, no matter what mach speed they’re flying at

0 replies 0 reposts 10 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 23:26 UTC

Is a boulder an arrow? Officially yes

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 23:17 UTC

It’s amazing how many problems three flying heat-seeking rocks can solve

1 replies 1 reposts 9 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 23:15 UTC

Purple flying rocks plus arrow’s reach talisman, when you want to get really close to the TV and squint so you can see the boss you’re blasting from 2 miles away

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 23:11 UTC

That’s when I bring out the purple flying rocks!

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 22:57 UTC

Most of Elden Ring can be beaten with 5 spells: Blue laser Fast blue laser Big blue hammer made of lasers Long range arrow (that is a blue laser) The only non-laser spell you need is Throwing Rocks At Your Enemy’s Face. The rocks are purple, not blue, but I’m giving it honorary blue laser status

6 replies 4 reposts 33 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 22:43 UTC

Of course Elden Ring isn’t just shooting blue lasers from your staff. You also need the sword that shoots blue lasers

2 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 22:37 UTC

In Elden Ring co-op multiplayer sometimes I’d switch to using a worse blue laser to not kill the bosses too quickly and hog all the glory by using my best blue laser

1 replies 0 reposts 17 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 22:32 UTC

Elden Ring isn’t actually that difficult despite its reputation. The game gives you a staff that shoots blue lasers. If you choose not to shoot blue lasers at everything and instead carry a big sword so you look like Guts from Berserk, I respect that, but it’s a choice

7 replies 10 reposts 78 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 23:05 UTC

Every time someone complains about Elden Ring difficulty there’s a reply like “too hard? lol somebody didn’t bother to eat the Apostle’s Egg”

0 replies 5 reposts 36 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 08, 2024 at 00:49 UTC

Software Update: We’ve added a new AI assistant! It calls itself “The Admiral” and we don’t know why. Ignore them if it tells you that dying at sea is the only worthy death

1 replies 10 reposts 73 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 19, 2024 at 17:21 UTC

*Influencers By Platform* Instagram: I made $40,000 by posting a photo of a Big Mac YouTube: I put 100 people on an aircraft carrier I bought and whoever stays the longest keeps it! Twitter: Wow, this blew up! 500,000 people liked my joke and I gained 6 new followers

0 replies 19 reposts 151 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 21:17 UTC

they’re hiring! but it’s better than intern

jobs.gusto.com/postings/the...

1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 19:53 UTC

No, but now I have to

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 19:38 UTC

I wish my real estate agent told me about the infinite corridor before I moved in here. A hallway extending into endless shadow isn’t that big a problem, I blocked the door with a bookshelf and rarely hear the howling. But they should have mentioned it

2 replies 4 reposts 24 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 14:06 UTC

People online said Scavengers Reign and Godzilla Minus One were good. I watched them both and people online were right. From now on I’m going to believe everything I read on the internet

3 replies 4 reposts 86 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 19:54 UTC

My grandpa left me a farm in Stardew Valley in his will, but I sold the property. I’m too invested in my career at Joja Corporation to move to some backwater town

0 replies 2 reposts 22 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 18:10 UTC

for me at least, game writer is easier to explain than writing Onion articles

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 19, 2024 at 17:21 UTC

*Influencers By Platform* Instagram: I made $40,000 by posting a photo of a Big Mac YouTube: I put 100 people on an aircraft carrier I bought and whoever stays the longest keeps it! Twitter: Wow, this blew up! 500,000 people liked my joke and I gained 6 new followers

0 replies 19 reposts 151 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 17:15 UTC

Does anyone know how to defeat the Graven Knight in Microsoft Word? I tried using Arial but even at size 40 font I couldn’t get past his slice attack

2 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 15:37 UTC

Microsoft Word just released its new DLC Microsoft Word: Legends of the Dragonguard

2 replies 5 reposts 28 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 18:15 UTC

This robot can sing and dance, mastering artistic mediums that were once the purview of humans In the future it will replace workers, taking over jobs like brain surgeon or taxi driver More than that, it makes us question what it means to be alive. If this machine has a soul, then what are we?

3 replies 49 reposts 159 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 16:05 UTC

Celebrating Father’s Day the traditional way: having my wife and kids watch me scroll through the Elden Ring inventory while I explain the lore significance of each weapon and armor

2 replies 6 reposts 35 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 20:15 UTC

Max isn’t Mad for most of Mad Max. He’s usually Concerned

2 replies 1 reposts 31 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 17:30 UTC

GM: Kenneth Lay says “If we don’t hide these financials Enron is over” Player: My character has 4 skill points in fraud! I attempt Falsify Reports

0 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 16:56 UTC

Player: (rolls dice) Twenty! GM: Critical success! Kenneth Lay shakes your hand. “You have a most impressive resume. Welcome to Enron”

1 replies 0 reposts 18 likes

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 10, 2024 at 22:13 UTC

Sorry to interrupt this town hall but here are ideas for 200 new Pokémon I thought up. Dugbug, a burrowing beetle. Candelabro, the bodybuilder candle. Monkini, a monkey that wears a bikini

3 replies 17 reposts 75 likes