Hawk Gates's avatar

Hawk Gates

@gateshawk.bsky.social

47 followers 152 following 723 posts

I asked you to go to the Green Day concert
You said you’re not a Packers fan

Author of "Johnny's Brand New Big Boy Bike"
www.amazon.com/Johnnys-Brand-New-Big-Bike/dp/1724177753/ref=sr_1_1?crid=B1PA7IB9GNB0&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.-H_-htHgrzs2Acf0daTDiXB

Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Satan: People of faith [tenting fingers together]— I need more friends and loved ones reaching out to them. Calls and texts. demon: Boss, why? Satan: Calls and texts, lots of them. Between the hours of 9 and 11 every Sunday morning. Satan and demon: Ha ha ha ha aha ha ha!

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Much respect to the guy at the amusement park who brought a two quart thing of salad from home.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Going to home depot later?

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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@fittedsweats.bsky.social and @byctom.bsky.social post plenty on football. The former writes “NFL Weakly” substacks during the season. Better than Rick Reilly and Bill Simmons combined.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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me, sleep deprived: I’m pretty sure everyone hates me. me, normal amount of sleep: What would ee cummings have thought about Metallica?

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Existential Steaks

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Had the guys over for poker night and for some reason they could not stop raving about my wife’s “Beach please” sign. It’s like their new catchphrase now.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Who is designing the flair in the Jimmy Johns these days?

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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I read one book about the John Birch Society and now I’m finding secret coded JBS propaganda everywhere.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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I have questions

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ceej's avatar ceej @ceej.online
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underwear subscriptions: you send me one pair of underwear a month, and after seven months I have enough underwear for the rest of my life? what is the long-term business plan here

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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All we need to know is what’s your finders fee? (quoting Fargo)

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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They let me use “hundo” in wordle so I think flarf should be ok

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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[it would be cool to hear Robocop say this]

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miss fugazi's avatar miss fugazi @undisturbed.space
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my hours have been dwindling ever since i took my boss to school on the b ball cort

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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The year is 1998, it’s eleven pm, you are sitting on a couch made of the scratchiest, most stain resistant fabric known to man attempting to read 20 pages of the Odyssey while a kid bangs out the intro to Karma Police over and over on the dorm lobby piano.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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I’ll never forget when Garry Kasparov defeated IBM supercomputer Deep Blue in a six game series of Heads Up 7 Up.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Book: It is the east and Juliet is the sun. Magibooks translation: can’t stop thinking about Juliet 💯👀

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Dyson should pick up some of those loose minutes that have been lying around in Atlanta. He'll definitely clean up the rotation.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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It’s Fiskar SCISSORS day at White Sox park as Chris SALE is back in town and taking the mound for Atlanta. As you’ll remember, Chris Sale, as a member of the White Sox, once missed a START because he defaced a throwback uniform he didn’t like pregame… that’s right, with a pair of SCISSORS.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Just chuckling to myself thinking about the looks on people’s faces when they open up the box and read my latest missive (Wendy’s comment card).

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Finally a source for some solid intel

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JLP's avatar JLP @jlp.bsky.social
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Humans should be able to walk up vertical surfaces share if you agree

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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It was foretold in the Mentaculus

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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What about Bird for Mikan, would you have done that Sal? Of course I mean post-back injury Bird for rookie year Mikan. Sal: No, I wouldn’t do that.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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I hate it when a game-ending gaffe is emblematic of the White Sox whole season.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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A disproportionate number of the world's Beanie Babies are currently lined up across the dashboards of pink Jeep Wranglers.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Yesterday google ai overview was unable to tell me “most recent 40 game winner mlb pitcher.” (gave the wrong answer even though the Wikipedia article it linked me to contained the correct answer). Pretty straightforward stuff. Pull the plug!

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miss fugazi's avatar miss fugazi @undisturbed.space
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the chef is asking to meet me after i’ve asked for a sunny side up egg on top of every course

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Big Ed Walsh played before players wore numbers, so he should get his name retired instead. No one else named Big Ed Walsh can play for the Sox again.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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“Cruel Summer” blasting pregame at White Sox park.

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Just yesterday a fb friend started posting pictures of lake/beach and they all have a tilt (see example). Just so you know you have a copycat out there .

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Sox drive a hard bargain sir you might have to give up a lesser CF and a utility infielder to get him

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Tricia Lockwood's avatar Tricia Lockwood @tricialockwood.bsky.social
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just passed pigler’s cove … take me into your cove pigler

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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A lock is a thing of hair it turns out

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Hawk Gates's avatar Hawk Gates @gateshawk.bsky.social
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Jerry the King Lawler: What? What is that? That’s Will Stanc*l’s music!

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