Julia Clement

Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 07:03 UTC

I've just invented the innuendoscope.
It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells #risque jokes from inside your #anus.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 07:00 UTC

So let's get this straight. Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt?

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 07:41 UTC

Q: Where is #decaf coffee made?
A: Ground zero.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 05:50 UTC

Please be culturally appropriate. This is France. The guillotine is appropriate.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 05:48 UTC

Good vibrations for you youngster.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 05:43 UTC

I know nothing, nothing at all.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 20:33 UTC

Happy Chocolate Day everyone.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 06:48 UTC

If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse's shoe stamping on a human face — forever. (after George Orwell, 1984)

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 05:13 UTC

I'm not 100% sure, but I believe Equipoise is a trademark as is the original Anglepoise.

Try searching for Balanced-arm lamp or Swing Arm lamp.

The Warehouse lists a clamp style Swing Arm lamp for $26.99 + freight. A search should probably find you more. www.thewarehouse.co.nz/p/swing-arm-...

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 10:27 UTC

If I was them I would have filmed two pieces: * The one we saw, and * The miracle recovery that allowed Tories to hang on. With those in the bag they could bring their reporter back to New Zealand to join the jobless queue on Monday.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 07:40 UTC

When that happens to me, I usually say something like "Thank you, we must dance again" so we both laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 06:50 UTC

Sometimes I forget I'm #dead.
The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I've been posting on it.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 09:11 UTC

Other people? I haven't seen any of them for 4 years, I thought they were all wiped out in the 2020 supervolcanoes. I think it's nice of AI to create facimiles on the TV for me though.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 08:24 UTC

#Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 07:10 UTC

2/2 2. (Another senior Nat) Boot camps will be run by community groups ... church groups. At the time I wondered if this was going to be churches we heard about in the royal commission or Luxon's secret church. Thanks

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 07:09 UTC

1/2 I'm sure I heard the following 2 things before the election, but can no longer find them. Are you able to find them & give me pointers please. 1. (I think by Chris Luxon) The boot camps will be on defense land, but not staffed by the NZDF.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 06:46 UTC

OK Julia, you're supposed to be a #comedian. think of something funny to say.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 18:57 UTC

No spoilers please, but #Hamlet does win in the end, doesn't he?
I mean #Shakespeare wouldn't be such an amateur that the hero loses?

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 07:12 UTC

They've cancelled Railway's Cook Straight ferries today & Bluebridge's ones from late afternoon / early evening. Waiheke island ferries are also cancelled today.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 06:53 UTC

Life guard at the pool said my #swimsuit was too #revealing then asked if I was male or female.

I replied "Then it can't be that revealing."

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 10:23 UTC

I wrote a letter today and used the word "Mnemonic" four times. Every single time I spelled it wrong, so I wrote this little #mnemonic to remember it "Many Nematodes Eat Mushy Organic Noodles In Cafes" which would be great if only I could remember how to spell nematoads.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 09:14 UTC

My doctor told me I need a lighter diet so I wrote The #Helium_Cookbook.

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 29, 2024 at 08:28 UTC

I wanted to take the #Waterview tunnel, but someone told me where it came out. SPOILER!

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 09:04 UTC

I intend to live forever, or die trying (I can't believe that's original, but can't remember hearing it)

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Julia Clement @juliaclement.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 07:04 UTC

I don't understand how Internet #trolls function. How do they get decent WIFI under the bridge?

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