KatieTwoHands 's avatar

KatieTwoHands

@katietwohands.bsky.social

59 followers 33 following 183 posts

I have two hands and I’m kind of dumb


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Million dollar idea: instead of going on dates with real people, I create two alter egos (named Pamela Obscura and Rick Different) and use them to piña colada song myself

1 replies 3 reposts 21 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I’ve used a reformer a few times and I don’t recall it even coming close to ripping me apart!

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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“An uncharitable view”

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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That’s probably true. And the rack might be in a nice cool basement dungeon! I’m only thinking about any of this because it’s uncomfortably hot in my house

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Sometimes it also feels like every negative has its downside. It’s a lot to carry

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Hugh “Wet Questions” Jacuzzi, Whom I HATE, Upon Learning You Got A New Laptop

0 replies 3 reposts 11 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I think the beginning of being drawn and quartered would feel really good. Nice stretch, plus if it’s hot then none of your body parts are touching each other. But then your body parts start REALLY not touching each other, and that’s less appealing. Probably not worth it

1 replies 2 reposts 38 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I am not ashamed to admit I’ve googled “how to seem available but only to people I like” - unfortunately my search yielded nothing

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Thank you, they’re real people and I’m both of them

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Million dollar idea: instead of going on dates with real people, I create two alter egos (named Pamela Obscura and Rick Different) and use them to piña colada song myself

1 replies 3 reposts 21 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Anime hot girl weapon

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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8 replies 101 reposts 581 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Sorry I can’t go hiking today, I pulled my hog cord pretty bad

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Skilled Babes Ranch here we come!

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Oops forgot to copy/paste the text. Guess this curse ends with me

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I have a really bad headache, so I’m following traditional methods of pain management - watching a review/buyers guide of drum machines on YouTube hosted by an Australian guy called Dr. Honeysmack

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Handyman, farmer, personal assistant, massage therapist

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Yeah my life is also a lot of staring at the computer and saying “wait what?” and then having stress dreams for the rest of my life. Paperwork/admin is a skill, there’s no moral failing in being bad at it! But wow it makes being alive so much harder and more annoying

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Muddling through divorce paperwork without a lawyer made me feel stupider than any other administrative process I’ve encountered. I would read directions and feel I was getting it, then at the end of a page realize I had no idea what to do

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Song by Van Sleighlen

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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God a reality show of women trying to actually marry Santa Claus…..I will keep dreaming of this

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Or sequel about Santa moving on from the late Mrs Claus

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Kringle And Ready 2 Mingle (the second prequel)

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I’m actually built to eat fruit and not know how anything works

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Tfw your joke makes your buddy piss his pants

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Hugh on your own supplu

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Idea: what if human mothers could choose to have a litter rather than one baby? I don’t mean standard multiple births, more of a cake batter into a muffin tin situation. Six mini-babies with equal mass to one regular one. Just an idea!!!

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I painted a painting

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Oof I LOVED it. The little dude in the flower?? Come on

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Songs I specifically remember downloading on Napster: -Popular by Nada Surf -Ruby SoHo by Rancid -Rock and Roll McDonald’s by Wesley Willis -Blister in the Sun by Violent Femmes

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Reposted by KatieTwoHands

DC Pierson's avatar DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social
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P.F. Chang’s stands for Pretty Fuckin’ Chang’s

7 replies 20 reposts 249 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Sacred geometry (sharpen your pencil / dull your mind)

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Yeah that’s not a bad move! They really are all good, they get a little more produced as they go - some people don’t like that but I think he’s great with just a guitar or with tons of other instrumentation and overdubs and stuff

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Yeah I don’t find it to be depressing! I mean, sometimes you can tell that he is depressed, but listening to it never makes me sad. I’ve been a big fan since high school and I’m always excited when people get into him

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I Will Protect What You Value, And Then You Will Throw Me In The Trash

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Manny Jacinto shouldn’t be allowed to look like that

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Yes…..YES! My wishes grow ever more powerful

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Vampire on holiday sipping blood out of a coconut shell

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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I watched Demolition Man on Tubi this morning!

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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My mom would get on my dad’s case for not using blinkers when changing lanes while driving and he would say it was okay because he’s “got his fingers on the pulse of the road”

1 replies 0 reposts 5 likes


KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Wearing tiny shorts and a big long sleeved t-shirt: is there anything better? Not really!

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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One time my dad described a guy he had professional beef with as a “rat fink painted lady” and I think it’s the meanest thing I’ve ever heard him say

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Wish I’d spelled it “bennifertial”. Live and learn I guess

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KatieTwoHands 's avatar KatieTwoHands @katietwohands.bsky.social
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Looks like one of my old tweets might make sense again

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes