elle rose

Judith Butlerian Jihad @xanindigo.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 09:33 UTC

I once saw someone from Tumblr say, to paraphrase briefly, the Paradox of Tolerance resolves when we think of it as a social contract. The unspoken agreement is that we don't actively harm others. When anyone chooses to be intolerant, they've broken the contract, so it no longer applies to them.

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 13:33 UTC

It’s always good to know the enemy

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 13:32 UTC

V*nmo - secretladyspider
c*shapp - secretladyspider
PP - secretladyspider@gmail.com
all links — supportscretladyspider.carrd.co

anything and everything helps, shares too. thank u!!
#DisabilityPrideMonth

2/2

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 13:32 UTC

🚨STOP SCROLLING🚨
thank u🩶

$280 to go for #MutualAidRequest ! Funds needed ASAP for a couple bills & things to prep/recover from an upcoming med test.

Pls share! It matters. If 28 people sent $10, this need would be met!

links & donation info ⬇️ in 🧵
1/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 02:54 UTC

$290 to go!! anything helps. please boost. thank you ♥️

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 21:00 UTC

Oh ps I wanna make a series of ace videos. If you want you can subscribe to my channel on the toob yoob. (Would be very encouraging if there is interest, right now I’m at about 1.14k subs. uhm. gnight)

YouTube.com/scretladyspider

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 21:00 UTC

uhm. anyway. this one is super nerve wracking to post. Uhm. It’s unrolled on my Patreon — www.patreon.com/posts/107617...

thank you for reading have a nice day

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:57 UTC

It feels like there’s no good way to talk about all of this. No matter what, a group feels left out, invalidated, stepped on. And the tricky thing is that the lived experiences do all coexist. It’s all of us living it that’s that hard part. 20/20

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:56 UTC

Talking to a medical professional, no matter the setting, is incredibly intimidating as an ace. Will you be denied treatment? Will they try to “fix” you? And this applies whether you’re disabled or not, no matter what kind of help you’re trying to get, or why. 19/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:56 UTC

If you’re a disabled, it’s your fault there’s a misconception. You start to wonder if it *is* your fault that other aces are told they’re ‘mentally ill’ or have ‘a disorder’. Are *you* *really* ace, or are you depressed? You interrogate yourself. You forget someone can be both. 18/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:55 UTC

By existing I’m butting up against the reality that asexuality does exist on its own. Not because my aceness is a fault of a disorder, or trauma, or antidepressants, but because to acephobes it *could* be, and that’s enough for them to launch hatred at the rest of the community. 17/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:55 UTC

It comes from a sense of self preservation, often earned through gaslighting and trauma. Few abled aces engage in conversations about asexuality and disability unless it’s the trending discourse. And… I think I understand why, and it complicates my relationship to being ace. 16/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:54 UTC

‘If allos see a disabled ace who talks about an overlap of experiences, they might think all aces are disabled, and therefore asexuality couldn’t exist by itself, and therefore they’ll think something is wrong with ME, and I cant let that happen.’ And it does happen. A lot. 15/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:53 UTC

“That’s not me,” “nothing is wrong with MY asexuality”, “I’m not like them”. After a lifetime of having to constantly correct the world about asexuality, that it IS an orientation, such an overlap can feel like a threat. Unfortunately, this thought process isn’t without reason. 14/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:53 UTC

There are also people who have found comfort in the asexual umbrella due to a health condition or trauma, whose aceness is tied directly to a disability or chronic illness. But this is rarely acknowledged. If such an experience is brought up, there are a sea of rebuttals. 13/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:53 UTC

I *personally* have yet to find many with PSSD who are affirming of asexuality. This appears to stem from the medical gaslighting experienced when trying to get help for PSSD. When there’s nowhere for grief to go, self defense often preemptively becomes offense. 12/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:53 UTC

PSSD is a condition in which people who take or who have stopped taking SSRI/SNRIs experience dysfunctions including erectile dysfunction, genital numbness, loss of libido, and more. This tends to create discourse when acknowledged in ace spaces.

www.pssd-uk.org/what-is-pssd
11/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:52 UTC

Complicating this, however, is that antidepressants can cause unintended harm in some patients. Relevant here is PSSD, or Post SSRI/Post SNRI Sexual Dysfunction. Asexuality is often confused for a disorder or loss of libido side effect, which it is not. PSSD, however… is. 10/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:52 UTC

It isn’t easy to climb back out of that all consuming darkness. Some people manage depression through lifestyle changes and exercise. Others need the extra help medication provides to climb out of the pit. Some of these people are ace because they just… are. Nothing extra to it. 9/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:51 UTC

Depression is often talked about like a choice to have a negative attitude, or romanticizing sadness. But anyone who has struggled with it can tell you ‘sad’ isn’t an adequate description. Sad does not convey the gaping hole of nothing that grows in a depressed person’s chest. 8/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:51 UTC

Just like it’s never been about bathrooms, arguments like this ⬆️ have never been about “protecting the children”. This rhetoric isn’t just transphobic and heavily reliant on right wing myths about gender affirming care, it’s also ableist. 7/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:51 UTC

We’ve seen this a lot in recent years with “puberty blockers for trans people and antidepressants make people asexual” rhetoric, as if creating asexuals is part of some grand anti-cis agenda. Whether or not someone is cis or has taken antidepressants doesn’t matter to them. 6/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:50 UTC

“THAT must be why you’re ace— you’re depressed/sick/it’s a disorder/it’s a side effect/etc etc.” Asexuality can seem so alien that rather than challenge their preconceptions, many people feel they have to have something to blame asexuality on to be remotely comfortable with it. 5/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:50 UTC

And WOW is that a mindfuck. Especially when you’re trying to get help with your depression, or trauma, or find a therapist who doesn’t just tell you the same things over and over, and you keep running into medical professionals who get uncomfortable when you say “I’m ace.” 4/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:50 UTC

So… I have a mixed relationship to being ace, and I think a lot of that is from ableism. If you have depression, or other mental illness, or trauma, or any kind of reproductive health problems, people will go out of their way to blame your aceness on that. 3/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:49 UTC

hi I’m Elle and I’m a disabled ND nonbinary ace. i don’t have a source of income outside of Patreon & kind people rn. if you want to support me, here are links to my Patreon, v*nmo, c*shapp, & p*ypal. Or here’s an immediate need. Your support has been keeping me alive; thank you. 2/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 20:48 UTC

so… I’m gonna share some thoughts about having a complicated relationship to being ace, and why part of that is ableism, and where I see ableism becoming self protection from acephobia. oooooooh boy. here we go…
#DisabilityPrideMonth 🧵
1/

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 16:11 UTC

anything helps. Please share. Thank you. ♥️

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 16:11 UTC

The test also requires a dietary change before and is recommended after, to make things easier on the body in recovery. my body does NOT like anesthesia, so I always end up needing extra recovery time as it is.

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 16:11 UTC

The medical test is another endoscopy, and this time it’s under real anesthesia because I’m allergic to one of the meds they normally use at the endoscopy center, so I’m going to be out of commission for up to a week afterwards. Happens just about every time I’m put under.

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 16:10 UTC

hey everyone.. i have a time sensitive #MutualAidRequest. I have a medical test next Wednesday (more info in 🧵)& two bills coming up. I need to raise $310. anything helps.
PLEASE share. thank you. ♥️ #DisabilityPrideMonth #Disability #MutualAid

v*nmo/c*shapp - secretladyspider
shorturl.at/7kqN5

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elle rose @scretladyspider.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 16:08 UTC

that’s fair that’s a good vibe 😅

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