Am I strong? Listen, bud. I have radioactive blood. So, no. I’m quite weak and sick.
(I’m a he/him but all pronouns are awesome!)
Had my annual physical today and my doctor totally hit on me! He said I have an “erotic heartbeat.” I thanked him and said I was flattered but don’t swing that way. But then when he was checking my ears, he said I definitely have a “heart of queering.” And now I think maybe I do swing that way? 🌈 😊
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I don’t like to focus on the negative. For example, I didn’t sleep well last night. I was awake for hours at a time and, sure, that stinks. But on the bright side, at least it gave me a lot of time to think about how much happier I would be if I was asleep, right? #positivity 🙏 🥱
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I’ve seen creators say social media isn’t helping them promote their work lately. They need the “Rob Graham Bump.” I have over ONE HUNDRED followers who are basically lemmings, ready to jump off any cliff I point them at. (Not *you* of course. You’re very discerning.) Hit me up in my DMs, creators!
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Synergy. 🚗🤝🐟
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At my auto detailing shop, your car will end up looking exactly the same but *smelling* like someone gutted dozens of fish in the back seat!
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Allow me to test that statement…
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Ever wonder what Superman from the 1940s cartoons would look like if he came to life? This, obviously. Also, listen to @michaelmay.bsky.social, @paxholley.bsky.social, and I talk about those cartoons on the AfterLUNCH podcast… as the first episode in our series examining Supe’s media incarnations!
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With the mega-success of the latest Despicable Me movie and the entire franchise, I’m realizing I probably should have negotiated more than a one-time fee of $11.50 when they asked me to be the model for the Minions.
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Hey, @gailsimone.bsky.social. Is it true that when you write a team book, you see yourself in every character? Because I’m starting to see it, too. 👀
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Come to my new Italian restaurant, Man of La Mangia, where our special windmill will deposit great gobs of Spaghetti Parmesan directly into your waiting mouth.
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“Things were so much better when I was a kid and didn’t know or care how things actually were because I was a kid.”
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That’s pretty awesome!
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Come on, people. When you have to defecate after eating too much ice cream cake, don't say you're "sending Fudgie the Whale back to the sea." Show some class.
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Wow. That’s a dark take, man.
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I wouldn’t call it “entitlement.” I just feel that since James Gunn is making a film about a character I like, he owes it to me to make it exactly how I want and expect him to.
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Last night, I had a great time drinking and setting off fireworks until I passed out. But something seems different today. I can’t put my finger on it but something’s off.
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This guy gets it.
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Aw, yeah.
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This makes me happy. Great seeing you all together, guys! 🙌
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That’s for the little guy on my hat, right? He’s a professional soldier. I’m a rank amateur.
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I’ll take it! (Or, at least, my rank will.) 🫡
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#IndependenceDay #July4 #July4th #Beach #CaptainAmerica #TankTop #Hat #Pan
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Yes?
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My claim to fame is that I can always identify what kind of grout you’re using through taste alone. Still, I try to be humble.
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I don’t want to offend any mathletes out there but this is an actual photo taken of me during our recent Viking River Cruise. (For context, we were “befriended” by a guy who insisted math is FUN and wanted me to do math problems at dinner. Listen to AfterLUNCH: Episode 292 for more!)
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“You don’t wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I’m a loner, Valeria. A rebel.” - Revak
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“Wherever you are, you juvenile arachnid, just know I stepped in canine waste earlier and now I’m wiping it off on your face!”
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Despite what the Fake News Media would have you believe, Mick Jagger and I are great friends and when I surprised him at Chicago’s Soldier Field the other day, he did NOT scream, “Get the f*** off my stage, you wanker!”
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Just this part, right? Not the climbing inside flying robots part?
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Big news! I've been asked to star in a new TV series: “Highlights Magazine After Dark: The Erotic Adventures of Goofus and Gallant." Guess who I'm going to be!
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Who knows what film came out on July 1, 1994? @michaelmay.bsky.social, @paxholley.bsky.social, @hojukoolander.bsky.social, and I know. And now you do, too. Check out our episode commemorating the 30th anniversary of The Shadow!
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youtu.be/x0BinEFCp38?...
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Absolutely. For Father’s Day, Collette got me the book to commemorate our weird-ass interaction with that lady.
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I think it’s pronounced “Pahh-oooo-elllll.”
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Wanna hear about our anniversary vacation to Europe? Wanna hear about the social anxiety caused by a river cruise with a very limited number of tables for 2? Wanna hear a weird story about a mitten? Check out this episode where I tell @michaelmay.bsky.social and @paxholley.bsky.social all about it!
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I just read that you should use high angles for the best selfies. There’s something to it because you can’t see my face at all! 👍
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That’s awesome, buddy.
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The thing you have to realize about me is… well, nothing. You’re living your life over there. You have a lot going on. You don’t have to think about me at all.
God, I envy you.
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Did AI write this skweet? 🤔
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I’m just saying Nature vs. Nurture is a classic false dilemma fallacy. There’s a third option.
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I saw that, too. “Why Tonight’s Debate Will Be The Most Important Event Ever Broadcast and Recorded - Sorry JFK’s Ghost!”
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Spent the entire morning buffing my cuticles and my pastor didn't even notice. But a Satanic priest just walked by and said, "Hey, nice cuticles!" Conflicted.
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Did you rate them a 7?
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Whoa! That’s awesome, Jody. Well done!
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