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delfin@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social |
12 followers 32 following 150 posts
Defective chicken, hard-left gadfly, olde person in the way. Not sure why I'm here.
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ex-Lethality Jane
@lethalityjane.bsky.social
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If the Dems lose this election, it is going to be almost entirely on them waiting until the summer of 2024 to panic about whether they should have renominated Joe Biden. The time to panic about this and pressure him into resigning, if you wanted to do it, was before the primary elections.
6 replies 11 reposts 135 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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My only immediate point of worry is that it has _corners_.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Eight candidates enter a room. The one who scores highest on the Addams Family pinball machine in that room is the nominee. TILTing gets you sent to Guantanamo as a national traitor.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Like any citizen, George is entitled to express his opinion. It might even be an accurate one. But if "a MOVIE ACTOR said so" ends up being the tipping point for leadership of a nuclear power, maybe humans should pack it in and let the dolphins run the planet for a while
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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The press conference this week may be telling. If he's horrible, that's it. If he's Diamond Joe, he will retain support. Anything in-between will continue the circus at full blast.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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In a darkened room, Joe Biden clasps his head in despair. "I've lost a third-tier Batman AND lost Meathead," he realizes. "I've lost the nation."
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Crossovers.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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The Shiver of the Vampires. Lesbian vampire emerges from a grandfather clock to prevent marriage consummation. Diabolical flying book attack. Raw bird-eating. Rampant full frontal nudity. Death by nipple spikes. Death by wrist-sucking. Hipster vampire hunters turned bloodsuckers. A delight.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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The NCAA is more of a football-like substance than real football.
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Jack Black awaits the call.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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"So, Anonymous House Democrat, maybe now you should try denouncing the standing Senator who just spoke out explicitly advocating Christian Nationalism?" "Nope, I have a set position in the circular firing squad and I can't abandon it"
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Why do I have to engage in a specific type? Can't I just lie around my apartment and monger now and then
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Randy Quaid was such a great method actor that he's never come out of his role here
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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"I Like Pig Butts And I Cannot Lie" is a pretty common BBQ joint T-shirt.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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It's sort of a buckshot blast of religious bigotry. I don't know of a plethora of Marxist Muslim communities. The short form is, if you're not in the WASP Protestant cis het conservative male category, please hold, they'll come for you when they're ready.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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For a long while, "Not previewed" for a newly opening movie was an international sign for danger. I almost paid to see The Avengers (the Fiennes-Thurman one, not Stan Lee) before noticing that it was being carefully segregated from anyone resembling a reviewer before release.
2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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"Don't Just Spit On That Thang, SIT On That Thang" There. I have just extended boardwalk T-shirt sales by another three months
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Since his target audience has no idea what the inside of a vagina is like, he's found his niche
0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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If I hit the lottery, you'll know it because I'll use Cameo for everything. DRIVE-THRU: May I take your order please? ME: One sec. (sends Venmo with instructions) WWF WRESTLING SUPERSTAR TITO SANTANA: I'll have a number one, medium, no mayonnaise, no tomato
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Royston Vasey, Montana will be a Local Town for Local People.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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If I had a dollar for every time I wanted to make a move on a young lady but was repulsed by her unsightly elbows... I could afford my lunch today. I do not have those dollars. Help me
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Hard to say. It could go half-and-half.
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I am pretty sure that the Beefaroni Wheel was one of the medieval torture methods outlawed by the Magna Carta.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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My vaguely-veiled fanfic career contained two naughty fics, one of which ended up around ~200k words. I thought about jumping on the Amazon self-pub Weird Erotica bandwagon for a while, but feared I'd be at a job interview and be asked "Are you the author of The Cloaca Roared at Midnight?"
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Had I applied for this scholarship, my essay would have been pretty close to the Billy Madison "I award you no points" rant.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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That's a helluva thing to wish on John Lithgow
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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It is an accomplishment, to be sure. I know that I couldn't marry Einstein's cousin.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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At which point 1/3 of Americans would insist the candidate was Novichok-ed by Hillary, 1/3 would blame the COVID shot and the remaining would demand a second debate with the deceased propped up with mop handles
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I feel like there should have been a sequel in which she tries out other sea creatures and he tries out other mammal species in order to add spice to their ongoing relationship.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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It's not quite as simple as "just pander to them and they'll all come running back," of course. But yesterday was a shriek of anguish by bigots and racists who felt like they had no say over Sunak, and with the turnover, it remains to be seen what moderating influences remain in the Tory camp.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Under PRESENT leadership/direction, barely a third of Reform chuds would've considered voting Conservative yesterday. Now try this poll again if someone like Braverman or Badenoch gets the nod as Tory leader and turns the party's Destroy All Immigrants dial all the way to the right.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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While true, none of those are running this year, so I'm working with what I have
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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If you wake me up at 3 in the morning, I will be sub-Louie Gohmert mentally
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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The tougher part to explain is how Biden's sleep is akin to the Odinsleep, in that once Biden descends into slumber, no person or emergency on this Earth or any other can wake him up until his cosmic batteries have fully recharged
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Two requests for today's UK elections: 1) Rees-Mogg in particular must lose his seat. This is likely, from what I've read. Let him crawl back into the Dickens novel that spawned him. 2) Farage must get pissed on. Whether it's a drunk pensioner, a baby, a bird or Anne Widdecombe, it's a must.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I once found myself in an unexpected position of defending the concept of heliocentrism, astronomically speaking, to a geocentrist stranger in a Whole Foods checkout line.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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There is a stagnant and evil swamp deep in the Midlands from which a terrible plant grows, the cuttings from which are cultivated via ancient rituals until they grow into fibrous golems that sprout monocles and haunt the living. Rees-Mogg is their field captain.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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If we need a good omen to remind ourselves that at least certain levels of change are possible, we're about two days away from watching a nation tell the conservative party that's governed it for the last 14 years to go fuck itself
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I have absolutely no interest in having guns on my person, as (a) adding even one gun to a situation vastly increases the probability of someone getting hurt or killed, and (b) having a gun on me vastly increases the probability of someone thinking "he's a threat, I'd better blow his head off."
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I am envious of my in-laws' cat today, as unlike me, it does not feel compelled in any way to give a shit about any of these political happenings
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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What we need in our two-party system is an understanding, in which both parties know that if they open the door to extreme fuckery, the other party will leap through it and conduct extreme fuckery with great aplomb, and that would serve as a deterrent. We have half of that now.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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In the very unlikely event that Biden succumbs to the pressure and steps down from the ticket and is replaced by a far-left bomb-thrower, my one regret would be that Joe Lieberman would no longer be able to bear witness to that and shit out his intestines in a fit of abject horror
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Don't worry, they're smart enough to run it through the car wash after every-- hnnnrk bahahahahahaha
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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For what it's worth, I would've done that if I'd found myself in a theater showing The Passion of the Christ
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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I keep seeing commercials for the Red One movie and thinking "...casting Dwayne Johnson as a buxom Russian woman was quite the creative jump"
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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In fairness, it was designed with a change process that was deliberately engineered to require widespread bipartisan agreement, something we are no longer remotely capable of as a nation. Because without that, we'd probably have goofy amendments like "All people named Fred or Midge are now illegal"
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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It's hard to believe that "The Cramps Fight Crime In Space Wearing Leather Pants" wasn't already one of their albums
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Karaoke night at the Purple Parrot has been known to leave its scars.
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delfin
@thedelfinclutch.bsky.social
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Her personality had been "my action figure can't remain standing by itself" until now
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes