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WulfHelm

@wulfhelm.bsky.social

1226 followers 1342 following 1047 posts

Bretwalda of the Angli. Please use your Gods responsibly. Hinc videre possum domum tuam.

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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In which Gareth Southgate converts to Catholicism.....

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

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BASTARD.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

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Dr Who has gone woke? What has Tom Baker done now?

2 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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I'll put you down as a maybe.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Thoroughly enjoying the kickball.

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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I'll nominate you if it helps.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Re reading the Aquitaine Progression.

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Tonight's future presentation, subject as ever to approval by @renfrewbfc.bsky.social and @colken.bsky.social, stars a tiny bloke, a big bloke in banana footwear, a once and future Shōgun, gatling guns, some SERIOUS FUCKING PLOT HOLES, and perfect cherry blossoms.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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Nicked.

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Reposted by WulfHelm

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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We used to have empires run by emperors. Then came kingdoms run by kings. Now we have a country, run by FUCKING GROWNUPS AT. FUCKING. LAST!

1 replies 0 reposts 12 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) Moules-frites, in a cream and white wine sauce with pancetta, mushrooms, and crusty bread. Lower tables. Dregs Vegetarian/vegan option. Bark Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever.

1 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Just discovered that Russ Abbot is neither Russian, nor an abbot. What next? Santa isn't real? Big Yella didn't go to a farm? THEY'RE BEEN LYING TO US THE WHOLE TIME!

2 replies 1 reposts 8 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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In times of trouble Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, ++?????++ Out of Cheese Error. Redo From Start.

3 replies 1 reposts 16 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Dear writer/commissioning/producer type folk. You can kill the comedic sidekick. You can kill the romantic love interest. You can kill the central character's mom/dad/favourite uncle. Shit, you can even kill the central character. But if you kill the puppy, THEN. WE. ARE. DONE.

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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I love how anyone expects this account to make anything resembling sense when it's on it's second bottle of wine.

3 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Statement from the Office of the Bretwalda. Your Bretwalda is deeply honoured to have been considered for the role of UK Ambassador to the Kingdom of Denmark. Your Bretwalda has, respectfully, declined for personal reasons. CC @Keir_Starmer

2 replies 0 reposts 15 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table) smoked trout, potato salad* poched egg and toast. Lower tables. Egg shell surprise. Vegetarian/vegan option. Crusts. Gluten free option. No crusts. Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever. * a type of fish?

3 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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You're Satan! The very definition of cuntishness The Morning Star The Lord of the actual fucking Morning But here you are, on erstaz Twitter being all non confrontational. And possibly woke. Cunt.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Whilst being fully aware of the unhealthy and counterproductive stereotypes being invoked but yeah.....

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Fried coasters and Norwegian penises. Is there anything you won't fry?

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

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It's not that I don't love you BlueSky people, I do, but it's all a bit Stepford Wives over here. You're all too FUCKING NICE.

5 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) fat pig chops, roast potatoes, seasonal vegetables, stuffing and a gravy thick enough to slice Lower tables. Gnawable bones Vegetarian/vegan option. Stuffing crumbs Scraps and scrapings at the leper door as ever.

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Reposted by WulfHelm

Eve Nicholls's avatar Eve Nicholls @evenicholls.bsky.social
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Hands up everyone who muttered SQUEAK in hollow tones on reading this?

1 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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The deep breath before the plunge.

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. Marrows.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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You've grown strange under your mountain.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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If you didn't choke up at the end....

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Your apology is accepted. Grudgingly. No.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Movies dont make real men cry. Real men: The death of Boromir The Last Samurai 300 The Alamo Marley & Me Wayership Down Glory The Green Mile Up (opening sequence) Braveheart (closing sequence) Remember the Titans Avengers Endgame Dog Soldiers

3 replies 1 reposts 8 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tomorrow's 'Mr Pip Has Barked At' will be presented by Mr Pip. That is all.

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever, natch.

2 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Jacob Rees-Mogg being visited by the Death of Majority. Picture credit. The Death of Rats.

11 replies 25 reposts 102 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) Greek lamb with rosemary* flatbreds, salad** & dips. Lower tables. Lickable dip container lids. Vegetarian/vegan option. A lemon. * Who invited her? ** A type of fish?

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Important day tomorrow, audit of systems I've put in place, so, early start. Also, The Bridge at Remagen is on the tellybox. Decisions, decisions.

2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

WulfHelm's avatar WulfHelm @wulfhelm.bsky.social
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Tonight on the Mead Hall menu (top table only) sossidges, eggses n chipses with a buttered slice. Lower tables. A sauce sachet of your choice*. Vegetarian vegan option. Fresh(ish) peel. Scraps and scrapings by the leper gate as ever. *terms and conditions apply.

0 replies 0 reposts 11 likes