DJango Schmutz's avatar

DJango Schmutz

@hermanmenschter.bsky.social

310 followers 484 following 2787 posts

On bluesky i found a bunch of interesting funny af people. Like everyone else they're out of my league. I steered clear of social media till now, or at least I didnt like it. This seems different, almost nice. I actually wish i had more time to do it

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Last year I grew a catnip plant and it grew about 2 feet up. As soon as I started to like it, I gave the cats a shot at it. A couple minutes of not paying attention later it was a smoking crater;)

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Holly Brolightly's avatar Holly Brolightly @hollyholightly.bsky.social
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come at me, bro. i’ll soliquoy your ass so hard. i’ll monolgue all over your shit

3 replies 12 reposts 28 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Saldré a almorzar y probablemente me quede dormido un poco después de eso. Estoy un poco aturdido. ¿Y tú, mi tamal caliente?

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Carnegie Hotel, ma'am or as I like to call it, Carnegie Hall

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I can't tell you how many times I've been playing a concert and had my temperature checked

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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People worried about a meteor hitting the Earth have no idea about the clear and present danger we present.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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You just reached puberty, congrats! It was just in case someone needed to take my temperature totally for health reasons.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I was ehhhh semi-ok on 20-40 mg but on 90-110? OMG. Spent a night terrorizing poor staff at a hospital and played piano in the waiting room with my ass sticking out of my so-called robe. I found the scrubs room and tried to get in on a few surgeries but for some reason they wouldn't let me ;).

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I had to be on high-dose prednisone (another type I know) before and I was taking corners on two-wheels, getting into road-rage fights and noticed myself screaming into the rear-view mirror, so pretty easy-going drugs those steroids.

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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And speculum which makes me wonder what my internet provider actually does.

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DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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All those things like 'cat-off' seems to have the paradoxical effect with mine. This is like getting rid of rats using that glow-in-the-dark greenish crap, and my rats got addicted to it and love that stuff, but they're starting to glow in the dark which is kind of cool.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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That's valid. I have a cable box (small like 2 foot) out in front and honeybees love the thing, which is fine with me, but I've never once let Spectrum go near it because they want to kill everything that touches their boxes. But these are honeybees and I like them much more than Spectrum ;)

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DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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And it hasn't hurt your backyard pollination at all

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DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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My cat is in a standoff with a small square of it right now. I think the foil's winning.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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40 weeks? That shit is biblical. If they start giving you measurements in cubits, run!

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Sweetie π's avatar Sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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Can’t today, my body is outgrowing its outer skin

1 replies 15 reposts 30 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Sweetie π's avatar Sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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*crawls out from beneath your sink* why didn’t you like that one post?

2 replies 58 reposts 116 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Ennui Doofen's avatar Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social
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My packing strategy is mostly to put everything I own in bags. Then pretend it's a shopping cart full of things I can't afford so I have to put things back. I do that till I can lift the bags

7 replies 49 reposts 128 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Ashley, Inc's avatar Ashley, Inc @ashleysays.bsky.social
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Onlyfans but it’s just me crying as a clean my house

10 replies 30 reposts 106 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I do too but I have a completely unusable roll I got before that which is good if you're using them in M.C. Escher's house of stairs.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Do I have the only plastic eating cats? They seem to eat anything, like goats. I'll have to try aluminum foil, see what they do. I think one problem is that they love anything that makes noise when they play with it. Aluminum foil probably qualifies

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I'll testify. I actually use those things and they work. The main problem is when they come out of box they might be in a roll and you'll never straighten them out. If you don't get straight ones it might resembled the toenails of Louise Hollis.

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DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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But I'm overly sensitive, emotional, and full of angst!

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I think we just did. I'm getting to work on the chorus.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I just want one with it's own Shai-Hulud. Is that asking too much?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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I just looked at one online and I'm fairly sure mine would launch out of that thing at the speed of light - mid-squirt. It does resemble a cannon. Where can I get cats that love changing constantly shifting litter with belts, grates and shakers and sinkholes or any change at all?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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the tragic paradox is that 28 is approximately 28 too many. Besides, 28 here is 45 million on T/X ;)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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You were just evening it out. No one could've predicted the outcome

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Holly Brolightly's avatar Holly Brolightly @hollyholightly.bsky.social
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this is hilarious 😂 and also, when I make jokes like this from the wife’s perspective men feel the need to reply seriously to them. resist that urge

2 replies 5 reposts 20 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

debbshock's avatar debbshock @debbshock.bsky.social
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I'm sorry I'm not here, but I'm on page 2989 of Game of Thrones and I'm losing my shit; how is everybody this fine Saturday beloved blueskyers?

4 replies 3 reposts 11 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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You need a break. Go see the 85 hour movie The Cure for Insomnia, and the GoT book will seem like a restaurant menu. I'm trying not to tell you what happens on page 2990.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Holly Brolightly's avatar Holly Brolightly @hollyholightly.bsky.social
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i also have a yeast infection, but not gonna bake it anyone else’s problem

3 replies 8 reposts 35 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Yeast infection? I just used it as sourdough starter and it's overflowing my house

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DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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get the ones with the vape pen built into the big paw so Lucy can be truly free again.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by DJango Schmutz

Tracey No™️'s avatar Tracey No™️ @traceyno.bsky.social
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Wait, you can’t smoke a bare feeted pet, or bare feeted pets can’t smoke? Hurry, please, my cat wants to spark up.

4 replies 5 reposts 31 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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Either way, animal & human rights are really taking a big hit with this ruling. *hands bare-footed pet a smoke just outside building*

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

DJango Schmutz's avatar DJango Schmutz @hermanmenschter.bsky.social
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you know how hard it is to get a smile off a corpse?

1 replies 1 reposts 4 likes