Lizzy Esq.'s avatar

Lizzy Esq.

@lizzyraven.bsky.social

720 followers 2517 following 554 posts

Sarcastic lawyer and all around bad influence. Gender is fake and fun. She/Her.

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

The Silvered Spherical Ideal Median Voter 's avatar The Silvered Spherical Ideal Median Voter @swolecialism.bsky.social
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No but I love when all you beautiful sickos start posting shit like "Bogroubler flips Hambarn upon Gwynyychlyyrah! A huge result!" It's like hanging out with people being poisoned by carbon monoxide. None of those places are real

20 replies 48 reposts 382 likes

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

Ian Boudreau's avatar Ian Boudreau @iboudreau.bsky.social
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Anyway congratulations to the Tories on absolutely eating shit. You've worked so hard for this

7 replies 34 reposts 350 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Just think, if Kamala Harris becomes President she can finally forgive student loans for Pell Grant recipients who start a business that operates for three years in disadvantaged communities.

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Teach your dog some patriotism and he won't be scared of fireworks.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Mitt Romney famously did this with a tuxedo jacket.

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Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Married with Children was such a ridiculous show. "Oh bloo bloo, I have a steady job, a three-bedroom house, and a hot wife who always wants to fuck me. I'm a downtrodden everyman, bloo bloo."

1 replies 1 reposts 9 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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On the one hand [gestures broadly] but on the other hand I've consumed more tequila this evening than any medieval European king consumed in his lifetime.

0 replies 1 reposts 13 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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You invented a whole new kind of asshole.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Uncle Jimbo yelling "It's coming right for us!" except it's Trump yelling "This is an official act!"

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Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I can't believe Eddie Murphy was such a baby about David Spade's falling star joke *at the time*, let alone still fussing about it thirty years later.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I love tequila. I love that it takes something pure and sweet and makes it better by making it worse.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Gin is a liquor for those who understand that the natural state of man is suffering, and you must find pleasure in the suffering. Rum is pure hedonism.

10 replies 5 reposts 43 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Clearly the thing for Biden to do is make amending the Administrative Procedure Act to require judicial deference to reasonable statutory interpretation by federal agencies a signature issue of his campaign. That's what the people really care about.

0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Please, think of the law professors.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Justice Jackson's opinion IN FAVOR of the January 6 defendant is real East Coast law professor bullshit. "Social justice demands that we not prosecute people for storming the Capitol unless Congress explicitly tells us we can." Please.

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Imagine how much lighter the national mood would be if it was Nikki Haley vs. Gretchen Whitmer. The people didn't choose this, it's being done to us.

2 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Imagine doing something this insane and the big "gotcha" is that your boyfriend is saying good morning and good night to other girls.

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I just watched the video for "Espresso" by Sabrina Carpenter and if I were any of the humans involved in producing that song and/or video, including Sabrina Carpenter herself, I would be terrified about AI taking my job.

2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Reposted by Lizzy Esq.

MyNameIsJeff🙋🏻‍♂️'s avatar MyNameIsJeff🙋🏻‍♂️ @lacroixboi.lol
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🎶and I said what about SECOND breakfast at Tiffany’s🎵

22 replies 124 reposts 532 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Sadly we found out today that our son has developed severe allergies and can no longer live with our cats, so I'm in search of a loving home that can take in a friendly, housetrained teenage boy.

1 replies 4 reposts 32 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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"I mixed M&Ms and Skittles together." "You devil. You absolute madman. How could you." "This bag of Jelly Belly jellybeans has a bunch of fruit flavors mixed with things like coffee, chocolate, cinnamon, Dr. Pepper(!), marshmallow, and buttered popcorn(!!!)." "Yes, this is the correct way."

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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My most heretical comedy opinion is that Andy Kaufman wasn't funny, he was just an asshole.

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I think if Lady Gaga wants to be taken seriously as an actress she should transition to her real name. Dwayne Johnson did that because it was silly to have "The Rock" in film credits for *stupid* movies. Lady Gaga is out here trying to make "And the Academy Award goes to Lady Gaga" happen.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I love the fact that the Alitos were flimflammed by a random woman at a party who basically went up to them and said "Hi, I'm a conservative Catholic. Would you like to make any inflammatory comments about gays and liberals?"

1 replies 4 reposts 24 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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In broad daylight, Trump is an unhinged senile fascist.

0 replies 1 reposts 13 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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We should also tax Aunt Edna's second summer home though.

1 replies 1 reposts 9 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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A stripper once got her fishnet stocking caught on my shirt button so I can relate to this.

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Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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A street racing vampire is a NOSferatu.

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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Every major tourist attraction in Italy has a small radius around it within which cafes can charge more than one euro for an espresso without the locals burning them to the ground.

1 replies 4 reposts 22 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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That first shot of Jennifer Connelly pulling her stocking on.... 😍

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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This is true. She's shockingly hot.

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Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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You may think inflation is bad in the U.S. but after a week and a half of buying food in Europe I can assure you that inflation in the U.S. is even more insane than you think it is.

1 replies 1 reposts 14 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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History fact: The reason the ancient Romans went out to conquer other places was to get away from the cigarette smoke in Rome.

1 replies 2 reposts 9 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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I'm a basic American tourist but I'm not "You HAVE to go to such and such gelato place when you're in Rome" basic.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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She was handpicked by AMLO to continue his consolidation of power which I couldn't do himself because he's term limited.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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American liberals celebrating the identity politics of a Jewish woman becoming President of Mexico while oblivious to the fact that she's an authoritarian stooge is very "hire more female guards."

6 replies 5 reposts 28 likes

Lizzy Esq.'s avatar Lizzy Esq. @lizzyraven.bsky.social
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For Pride I'm being a big gay bitch in the Mediterranean. Here's a gay sunset.

0 replies 2 reposts 20 likes