I have a dear socialist, evangelical Christian friend and the pretzels he has to weave himself into sometimes are impressive, but he genuinely has a good soul and it's so frustrating to see how torn he is between the church and wanting to help people live dignified lives.
I relate to your friend, I threaded the needle between what my X-ian adults told me was important and actually helping & loving people for SO long, it was such a tangled mess I ended up ripping the whole thing apart rather than living in that tension any longer, there's so much freedom outside it
I notice the kinder expressions of Christianity are also the more reliant on non-literal interpretation and mysticism. Everything, especially Jesus’ own statements of punishment, must be symbolized away for the vision to remain consistent. It’s a lot of work.