Matt Blank (@msbutah.bsky.social)

🏞Reticulating Splines in Salt Lake City 🐵Engineering monkey for the TeeVee 🚮Posts are my own terrible opinion

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 02:54 UTC

I just spent an hour running up and down a beach trying to get a giraffe stag. I was unsuccessful. I did manage to sell 153,000 worth of bugs to Flick from it.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 21:53 UTC

The real magic of this account is the alt text.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 18:53 UTC

Looks like it belongs here:

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 18:15 UTC

*youth pastor voice* "Yeah, I use ChatGPT, Chat with God in Prayer Time, to access the original AI, Angel Intelligence."

0 replies 19 reposts 69 likes

Reposted by Matt Blank

Your Internet Friend Tom Tomorrow @tomtomorrow.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 12:30 UTC

this illustration is a real rorschach test

26 replies 65 reposts 381 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 17:40 UTC

So many buttholes.

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 00:23 UTC

Love to fly out of Salt Lake City

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 18:16 UTC

Once I get my sense of taste and smell back it’s over for you all! /gestures at pile of uneaten snacks

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 18:13 UTC

Call JG Peenworth, 877-PEEN-NOW

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 13:24 UTC

I’m sorry but why does the USPS have a true crime podcast? Do they think if I listen to it I’ll be induced to buy stamps?

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:25 UTC

Diva ducky reporting for duty!

2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:19 UTC

Slip sliding away!

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:17 UTC

I always feel like I’m making human pasta water when I pour epsom salt into a bath.

1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 22:28 UTC

My husband found this handy booklet that he was given at his naturalization ceremony. Seems like something today’s government should review.

1 replies 2 reposts 7 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 02:59 UTC

Horray, it’s Covid 😒

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Matt Blank

executive editor, barbell quarterly @swolecialism.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 15:19 UTC

look i'll be clear, I will be voting, and encouraging everyone I know to do the same, against donald trump and the end of democracy in this country in november. I do not care if that means i'm voting for a man who is literally dead.

36 replies 305 reposts 1416 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 22:13 UTC

Official Act to revoke 45’s citizenship. Now he’s not eligible to be president.

0 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Reposted by Matt Blank

Stephen Webb @stephenwebb.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 01:06 UTC

i'm getting so, so tired of the doomerism on here, and the press loves covering shit like a horse race instead of explaining fundamentals and what's at play, a job that seems to fall to @golikehellmachine.com on here.

so here's a thread about why i'd rather be biden — yes, biden — right now

7 replies 137 reposts 399 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 20:52 UTC

This post is made on equipment that also processes tree nuts and soy.

2 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 05:49 UTC

Paula Abdul and NKOTB concert has me sweaty from jumping around.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 18:20 UTC

Out in nature and shit

1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 02:59 UTC

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 01:07 UTC

$30 in capacitors and a YouTube video later, I fixed our broken central air.

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 19:32 UTC

Aw it crops the zalgoness away.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 19:32 UTC

Ḓ̵̡̧̳̬̣͈̬͈̻̍̉̆̌̌͌̓̔͜͝ͅõ̸̢̱̥̰͍͉͇̖͐̆̾̈́̾͗̔̄́̿ȇ̷͉͓̍́́́ş̶̛̛̛̬͍̣͔̭͛̈́͋̑ ̶̧͎͎̗̯̇͌͂̓̈́͋̌̐̎͘͠z̶̖͆̎̀͑͌͐̍̊̕a̸͙̤̫͂̊̅͋̋́̋̔̕͠ľ̷̬̥̱͌͆͆̾̕͜͝ḡ̸̛̬̥͕̤͇͆͑͋̀̒̇̌̋̅͂̎̌o̴̮̙͎͕͙̟̳̕͝ ̴̻̞̦̜͗̈͊̚͝͠t̸͈̅͊̍e̸̢̢̨͖͙̖̬̥̳̻̳̦̊̊̀̕͘x̶̡͇̖͎̻̐̅̒̌̍̂͒́̂̏͐̾̅͜͠ţ̶̗̳͉̪͚̬͊̚͝ ̴̛̝͒̄͆̽̏̄́̈̔́̎̇͜ẃ̷̡̼̗̻̙̱̞͉̼̯̓ö̵̧͙̳̪̯͌̇͛̈́͜ŗ̵͈̟̞̻̪͓͍̻̫̋̎̽k̸̨̧͇̼̙̖̯̬̱͖̜̂̿̎̂͗͌̇̕͜͠ ̷̩̦͓̀̿̌͛̈́ơ̶̧̧̹͈̟̘̭̜̞̜̟̽͋̒̎͌̽̅͛͂̕͘͠ͅͅn̷̨̬̙̞̲̰̻̭̹̠̬̱̼̾̉̓̈́̍̈́̽͜͠ ̸͔͔̙̥̭̫̗͛̓̋̀̒̅̅̇B̶̧͈͕̣̂̽̓̐͌̿̇̑̕l̵̛̩͊̀̔̎́͂̐̄̕̕̕͠ǔ̴̡̨̘̰̟͎̒̅͑͒͋̓͆̃̔̕̚͘ȅ̷̡͔̘̻̖̮̻̥̳̠̐̒̇̓̒̕̚ş̶̥̼͙̝̺͓͈͇̼̪̑̊̀̀̅̃̊̅̌̋͋̉͝ķ̶̹͕͙̳̖̯̭͉̠̩̺̪͈̝̌̍̐̐̀̋̄͐̂̽͆͐̏y̵̛̞̞̩͓͕͓̒̅̂̍̉̆͆̇̆̓͝?

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 16:32 UTC

Maybe your laptop is being hacked by the NSA a la Sharyl Attkisson

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 15:56 UTC

Same username as here. I don't understand. The best part is WWF censors messages because it's a 13+ app so you really have to try hard to be a degenerate in there. And yet people succeed daily.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 15:52 UTC

I just want to play fake Scrabble. If you can please just do that and shut the fuck up, that's great.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 15:51 UTC

Words With Friends has a chat function, and I get the most insane messages in there. A week or so ago a guy (unsolicited) told me my beard would tickle his ass. And today I had someone else tell me I need to adopt a child because my gay marriage will be lifeless and void without children.

2 replies 0 reposts 6 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 09:06 UTC

3am is prime scroll time

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Matt Blank

Heatmap News @heatmap.news
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 15:27 UTC

Meet John Curtis, Utah's likely new senator and a conservative who believes in climate change:

1 replies 3 reposts 7 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 16:09 UTC

The woke got me 😔

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 16:07 UTC

I blacked out at high school baseball practice because it was 3PM in August and they made us run the length of the outfield 15 times without a water break. ✨

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 15:04 UTC

Can’t wait for my elected officials to have an iPad on a swivel they flip around and say “it’s gonna ask you some questions and then you can pay” and one of the options is a $13,000 tip.

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 18:42 UTC

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 18:39 UTC

My office had a “stop the bleed” event where you could learn to pack trauma wounds and they gave everyone kits. It was the most insane morbid thing I think I’ve ever experienced that they expected us to normalize it over bagels.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 18:36 UTC

Audiobook narrated by Troy McClure

2 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 18:24 UTC

Frustrating. I’m sorry. Start throwing kolor molotvs

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 18:17 UTC

After 6 months of someone ignoring my email I loaded up the 210 member group chat and lit them on fire. Things got fixed after that 💅

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 24, 2024 at 18:11 UTC

Legit thought root worm was some new Linux malware

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 14:42 UTC

Napster was a startup to find places to take a nap. They raised $15B and burned it all on executive trips and dinners and went bankrupt.

0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 22:15 UTC

My work accounts have a rotating password that is regenerated twice daily and they always look like AOL IM user names from the 90s. Today’s was particularly emo.

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 20:38 UTC

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 18:56 UTC

Those too 🐒🍌

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 18:55 UTC

Ours put gates so you can’t go out the in. And added cameras to each self checkout that does a video review of your mistakes. And disabled the ability to mute the screaming narrator for the checkout. Seems like a human would be easier ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 18:44 UTC

The Kroger self checkout we use (because they offer no other choice on Sunday mornings) has been throwing more and more money at trying to make it work. Instead of paying people. If you’re making me ring up my own stuff you’d better believe I’m going to code the bougie organic veg as conventional.

2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 18:30 UTC

For sale: truck nuts, never used

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 22:41 UTC

MFW I leave Goony Golf going over par

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 16:05 UTC

🆒🆒🆒

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Matt Blank @msbutah.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 16:03 UTC

But I have hot takes about Mannequin (1987)

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes