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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Based on how ventriloquists are portrayed in old movies and TV shows, I don’t think I should go on the dating app, eVentriloquism.
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Chuck Groundhog@only-si-chuck.bsky.social |
152 followers 300 following 986 posts
Headliner, Staten Island Zoo & Casino. Looking to rebrand as a woodchuck. Opinions don't represent the views of my zookeeper.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Based on how ventriloquists are portrayed in old movies and TV shows, I don’t think I should go on the dating app, eVentriloquism.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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I like such obscure movies that their IMDb opening weekend grosses are often in the $20 ballpark & that money is usually mine.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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NY Times Guest Essay: Why I Don’t Vote And Maybe You Shouldn’t Either. By Walter Dunham (Mr. Dunham is President of the Heritage Foundation.)
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Just In: In a surprising 6 - 3 decision, the Supreme Court ruled that only candidates who have sex with porn stars can be President.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Coming up on the Food Network: Robert Kennedy Jr.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Does anyone else find that 90s era sitcoms that took place at sophisticated magazines seem more dated than The Honeymooners which had practically no frills or technology? (Do to recent events, this account is now focused on old sitcoms, cats, & Instantpot recipes.)
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Anyone who votes for Robert Kennedy Jr. has a worm in his brain. Yeah, I said it.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Robert Kennedy Jr. is out with a new book about his dog Sadie.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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NY Times Guest Essay Henry Winkler must become the Democratic nominee for President. By Chuck Groundhog, MSW (Mr. Groundhog is a licensed Pet Therapist with a specialty in Seasonal Affective Disorder.)
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Guys, I’ve just been rushed to the hospital. I overdosed on Pepperidge Farm Milanos.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Guys, I’m so desperate to avoid the news that I may be forced to watch the color episodes of the Andy Griffith Show.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Breaking: In an exclusive interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Calamari says he did think about not endorsing Trump, but he didn’t want to make waves.
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Jason Bailey
@jasondashbailey.bsky.social
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The infuriating thing about NYT's focus on Biden's age is that, again, TRUMP IS ONLY FOUR YEARS YOUNGER. The opponent is not some strapping young buck! He's a sundowning elderly man as well! And I know two wrongs don't make a right but TWO WRONGS ALSO DON'T MAKE "LET'S ONLY TALK ABOUT ONE WRONG"
0 replies 2 reposts 22 likes
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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That’s how authoritarians operate. They know they don’t have the will of the people.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Politico: Calamari announces that he will endorse Trump, adding, “I’m in the tank for Trump.”
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Photo: Justice Alito’s house
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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I’m a news junkie who can’t listen to news. I need to admit myself to the Betty Rollin Clinic.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Great. Now the editorial board of Cat Fancy says that Willow must step down.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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The hardest job at the moment is late night comedy host.
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Moira Donegan
@moiradonegan.bsky.social
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Going public with an experience like this is life-altering for a woman, so when you read these stories remember both the extraordinary amount of courage involved and also the likelihood that there are many others you’ll never hear.
24 replies 649 reposts 1934 likes
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Just In : Supreme Court rules for presidential immunity for Trump & maximum security prison for Biden. Justice Kagen writes dissent from Bellevue Hospital. Information: Contact Justice Thomas at the Trump Turnberry Resort in Scotland.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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A lot of people ask me if The Flintstones were married in real life or only on the show.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Breaking: CNN’s debate fact checker for Trump is rushed to the hospital suffering from exhaustion.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Bloomberg: Martha Ann Alito has been hired as CEO of Six Flags, Inc.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Tonight is the presidential debate, or as Don King calls it, Fanta in Atlanta.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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The debate won’t have a live audience - just like Russell Brand’s recent comedy act.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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All this time, I thought a GOAT was someone who won a Grammy, Oscar, American Music Award, and a Tony.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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CNN: We are with a panel of undecided voters. Unfortunately, they are are also undecided about what type of donuts they want us to order.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Politico: The debate is to help the few undecided voters in swing states make up their minds. Those three voters are Irv Cooperman in Kenosha, Sandy Perazzo in Altoona, and Curt Mahoney in Phoenix.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Great. Now the double-haters are demanding that we mute both candidates at the same time.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Here’s the transcript from tonight’s debate: Biden: I lowered the cost of insulin for seniors to $35. Trump: My uncle worked at MIT.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Here’s the transcript from tonight’s debate: Biden: I will provide first time home-owners with a financial credit. I also am expanding the childcare tax credit. Trump: Hunter Biden.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Calamari: Today I speak with Trump VP hopefuls Doug Burgum, JD Vance, and Marco Rubio on my Spineless podcast. Download where you get your podcasts.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Don’t invite double-haters to your wedding. They’ll refuse both the chicken and vegetarian entrees.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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How can President Biden prepare for the debate if he has to be tested for drugs, Mountain Dew, Red Bull, and granola bars.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Just In: In a stunning mistake, the Supreme Court lists on its website Clarence Thomas’s gift registry at Bergdorf Goodman.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Axios: Calamari has been offered the job as Trump’s VP. Calamari says that he was selected because he is spineless.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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GOP: Biden will probably do anything to cheat to win in order to win the debate. He might secretly be planing to get a good night sleep. He might drink a hot caffeinated drink a few hours before the debate…
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Any of you planning to debate in school, politics, or at the American Legion? You need topicality? I can get you some dolls, if you know what I mean. You need to present a resolution. I can give you some uppers to help you with that. I can hook you up.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Just In: Trump just announced his short list for VP. They are Marco Rubio, Rob Schneider, and Danny DeVito.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Transcript of Justin Timberlake’s arrest - Justin: This is going to ruin the tour. Cop: What tour? Perillo Tours to Italy? Don’t worry. My parents were able to exchange their reservations. I’ll put in a good word for you. It should be no problemo.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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I’m very honored to have General Beauregard Lee and Jimmy The Groundhog on my Groundless podcast. We’ll be discussing Sigrid Nunez’s latest novel The Vulnerables.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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I agree with Trump’s former lawyer, Ty Cobb, that Judge Cannon’s behavior goes way beyond inexperience. Ty Cobb knows how to call balls and strikes. I’ll show myself out.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Meet a ‘double hater’ who could decide this election.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Kristi Noem: Very happy to sign into law a requirement that pictures of dead puppies will be displayed in every classroom.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Me: Robert Kennedy Jr. could eat crow for all I care! (Someone rushes towards me & whispers in my ear.) Me: Oh, he already has. Never mind.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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If I was Louisiana Governor, I would sign a law requiring that the top 10 episodes of the Mary Tyler Moore Show be posted in every classroom. Hint: I don’t like the episodes where she had a boyfriend.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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Breaking: In advance of the debates, Trump is being supplied with briefing materials, such as this below, by fellow GOP leaders.
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Chuck Groundhog
@only-si-chuck.bsky.social
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This new Louisiana Governor makes Huey Long seem like a mensch in comparison.
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