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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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(about to write the most famous lullaby of all time) im gonna go tell the baby he's gonna fall out of a tree
1 replies 5 reposts 42 likes
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phil jamesson@philjamesson.com |
2401 followers 142 following 144 posts
my job is writing funny things for cool stuff
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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(about to write the most famous lullaby of all time) im gonna go tell the baby he's gonna fall out of a tree
1 replies 5 reposts 42 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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i love when Continue Watching is the fourth thing on the page. can’t think of any better place for it tbh
1 replies 2 reposts 27 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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incredible. thank you
0 replies 0 reposts 12 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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me: yeah i used to be really pedantic. one of my most annoying traits lol not anymore though friend: thats great man. hey you wanna go to Subway's me (eyes completely bloodshot with rage): sounds good!
2 replies 10 reposts 88 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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"free in-store pickup?" yeah. thats what store is.
11 replies 61 reposts 554 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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i wrote for this game! i am very excited for you all to see some of the dumbest dialogue i’ve ever written
0 replies 2 reposts 27 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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if james bond existed in 1770 his job wouldve been to kill george washington
8 replies 12 reposts 85 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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tennis players love smashing their rackets. just nuts how many of them do it. can you imagine if basketball players kept poppin the ball
4 replies 3 reposts 57 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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“tapping the icon on my home screen”
also tried loading up staging.bsky.app like old times just now and it’s a blank white page. dunno but honestly? it’s a net positive
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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one of the things i like most about bluesky is that it crashes when opened about 90% of the time, which helps me reduce my screen time
2 replies 1 reposts 28 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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lumiere bros: and if we run these pictures back-to-back, twenty four per second… it becomes a motion picture! corn-loving gary: incredible. and what a great time to eat corn 😀 lumiere bros: not this shit again corn-loving gary: what if we detonate it
1 replies 35 reposts 133 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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woke disney HATES utilizing scores with broad appeal to juxtapose with unfamiliar imagery
1 replies 1 reposts 29 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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👍
8 replies 8 reposts 121 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
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Director Tired of Uploading His Videos to All the Websites
dibsnext.com/director-tir...
1 replies 3 reposts 21 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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(looking up from my book) only a couple words in and already i know i'm gonna like this book. this dickens guy immediately establishes that it was the best of times. people used to write about that kind of thing, just good guys having a nice time. (i turn back to the book) fuck!
3 replies 101 reposts 537 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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how the FUCK do you know my name— oh right. everything i do, always
0 replies 0 reposts 33 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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i have written thousands of jokes with my face next to them and made hundreds of sketches and put them on multiple platforms. and yet every time i get recognized in person i feel like someone must be spying on me
2 replies 0 reposts 54 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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this is the glass half-empty version of "he's faster than the naked eye"
0 replies 7 reposts 51 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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thoughtfully shaking my head while posting "It seems, today, that all you see is violence in movies. And sex on TV." and instantly getting a column at the new york times
4 replies 25 reposts 145 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
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Jason Statham says he felt "tricked" while working on his new film "The Beekeeper," and was told it would be something "quiet" and "artsy."
Read our full interview here: dibsnext.com/exclusive-ja...
3 replies 7 reposts 55 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
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Letterboxd User Misses Last 85 Minutes of Movie Thinking of Perfect One-Liner
3 replies 20 reposts 157 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
[ View ] |
0 replies 2 reposts 19 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
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Dave Chappelle Hospitalized After Hitting Knee Too Hard in Joke About His Pronouns Being “Fuck/You”
0 replies 36 reposts 225 likes
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jeremy kaplowitz
@jeremykaplowitz.com
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🚨 BIG ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
I am starting a new movies/tv/pop culture satire website called Dibs Next with my friend @philjamesson.com (the actor who played Ace Watkins). the account is @dibsnext.bsky.social
you can read about it here dibsnext.com/about
8 replies 19 reposts 64 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
[ View ] |
we're super excited for the discussion threads on our new satire site-- these will be actual analysis and discussion of the episode, along with hanging out and jokes. we were tired of being excited to see discussion online about a show and having no real good options, so we made it ourselves!
0 replies 3 reposts 30 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
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Jon Favreau Promises Fans Mando & Grogu Will Exhibit No Character Growth in “The Mandalorian & Grogu”
dibsnext.com/jon-favreau-...
0 replies 4 reposts 36 likes
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Dibs Next
@dibsnext.bsky.social
[ View ] |
we're back.
dibsnext.com/about/
3 replies 7 reposts 33 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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me: actually the M stands for machine haha so it’s redundant to say MRI Machine. the R and the I stand for rhode island doctor: see this is why we need to scan your brain
0 replies 14 reposts 111 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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just heard a story the jedi wouldn't tell me. was really excited but it sucked. "an old guy died" wow great story dude. now i know why the jedi hated it
2 replies 11 reposts 58 likes
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Professor Vibes
@profv.bsky.social
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It’s that time of the year @philjamesson.com youtu.be/dXBia6aQO-w?...
1 replies 3 reposts 9 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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amazing that someone was both too high-profile AND too corrupt to survive as a house republican in 2023. olympian level stuff
0 replies 7 reposts 49 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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if you think about it, the first rubber band in a rubber band ball is basically getting buried alive in bodies
3 replies 2 reposts 30 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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“save the cat / kick the dog” in storytelling but it’s “saying choo choo / saying chop chop”
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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sure, it’s annoying that “choo” autocorrects to “chop.” but it’s much more meaningfully upsetting that this means “choo choo” corrects to “chop chop.” this snide, frantic imperative is irreconcilable with the calm, joyful competence of Trains
4 replies 6 reposts 39 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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correct! with orange clove syrup
2 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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now accepting “nice babka, phil” replies
20 replies 2 reposts 77 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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oh, so i’m just supposed to ignore my personal experiences at denny’s when im writing about nociceptors?
2 replies 0 reposts 25 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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i swear these teachers hate me
32 replies 126 reposts 497 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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i love when i open a magic tome and pull rays of yellow light from the pages like strings of pure happiness, but i hate when those same beams of hope become inky tendrils of darkness, engulfing me and turning me to ash
2 replies 6 reposts 46 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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bank: we'll give you $300! me: oh dope. thank you bank: no problem. all we need from you is $940,000,000
0 replies 0 reposts 11 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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bank emails are so hopeful. just got one telling me i had access to their custom car buying experience. no thank you. its just a rule i have to not purchase bespoke cars over email from banks
1 replies 2 reposts 26 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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me: nice! a 20% off sale. love to save 20% haha political reporter: dang you're a bit of a wonk, huh? a bookish wonk who likes to crunch numbers
0 replies 1 reposts 27 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
[ View ] |
couple years ago, everyone was saying “oblate spheroid” like hotcakes. we couldn’t get enough of telling each other how the earth is an oblate spheroid. never had any additional facts either
1 replies 2 reposts 27 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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(takes off spectacles) Surely there’s been some sort of mistake. You’d have me believe my Slurp Juices have lost the entirety of their market value? When I can use them, in multiples, on a single ape?
www.rollingstone.com/culture/cult...
4 replies 3 reposts 47 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
[ View ] |
just read the worst recipe in the world
2 replies 4 reposts 64 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
[ View ] |
i’ll never disrupt the integrity of that one being posted one and only one time
0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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fun to get a glimpse on what people think is “my tweet”
2 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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it’s fun that we have so many platforms where you have to reestablish your identity, because “play the hits!” exists for posting now
9 replies 6 reposts 78 likes
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phil jamesson
@philjamesson.com
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prosecutors are dropping indictments on donald trump like billionaires drop vacations on clarence thomas
0 replies 1 reposts 23 likes