One of the best Sherlock Holmes pastiches I ever read had Holmes admit he should have just shot Moriarty when the latter came to Baker Street, and made Lestrade clean it up later, it would have been better for everyone.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
Heh. Fair. But certainly no one's doing a more thorough fact-check on, say, Bret Stephens before he's published.
0 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
If he truly was the manly man he claims to be, he'd have I FUCKED A PORN STAR tattooed on his forehead. Who denies that, come on.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
Literally everyone needs that person who reads your stuff and says "Not there yet, buddy." I don't care who you are. The entire NYT op-ed columnist roster hasn't been edited in 30 years and it shows.
2 replies
17 reposts
83 likes
It's normal to kind of imprint on doctors who really help you, right? Because my crush on my pain management doc is OUT OF CONTROL. I adore this grumpy elderly dude who sticks needles in my spine. I made him smile today and felt like I won the lottery.
1 replies
0 reposts
8 likes
I think a lot of people underestimated just how much of the president's job is hiring competent boring ass administrative folks, until we watched Trump fuck up literally everything by hiring stupid people and screwing with them constantly.
0 replies
0 reposts
8 likes
Being a total asshole has saved my life and the lives of loved ones on several occasions when officious insurance pricks were all "nothing we can do" OH YEAH MOTHERFUCKER YOU WANT SOME?!
0 replies
4 reposts
34 likes
Except for the truly horrifying amount of emails they send me, Lowes has been a wonderful customer experience.
1 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
LOLOLOLOL I was on Usenet in the 90s, they wouldn't last an hour in the asylum, etc etc.
2 replies
0 reposts
13 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
I really have lost my former tolerance for "we're doomed/fucked/it's all over/they've won" takes at this point, in that they're the most dangerous attitudes one could possibly have when confronted with a truly existential political threat (which we still DO have levers to address).
59 replies
418 reposts
1563 likes
Reposting today because reasons. Also the July 4th Parade just became a fuckin' protest.
0 replies
1 reposts
5 likes
The newspaper company model: We made the product suck, and blamed the customers for hating it!
0 replies
5 reposts
26 likes
In their defense, the other day I was like why are all smoothies cold and sweet, this is bullshit, we should have savory warm smoothies and then was like ... I just invented soup.
3 replies
1 reposts
25 likes
You can't brace yourselves against what's coming. But you can stock up on flour and sharpen your axe.
1 replies
9 reposts
46 likes
A lot of you are pretending that you can be cynical enough that this won't hurt so much. Believe me when I tell you that is useless. You care enough to post LOL WE'RE FUCKED, you care enough to go buy six bags of apples and put them in your community fridge.
1 replies
12 reposts
57 likes
Re-commit yourselves to the First Church of Helping The Fuck Out and go see if somebody needs their grass cut. Here. Here's foster kids who want, like, a box of crayons, or a hat, or laundry detergent, cripes: www.onesimplewish.org/wish/wish-gr...
1 replies
13 reposts
46 likes
We do this no matter who's in office all the time anyway and so all we have to do now is keep doing it, forever, as long as we're alive. I wish it was quick and easy and we could just *vote* and be done but sorry, motherfuckers, we aren't in this for peace.
1 replies
5 reposts
50 likes
You and I and everybody else in this are too tired to engage with this bullshit anymore? Fine. Make sure you vote, and then look over your fucking back fence and ask the people you see if they're okay.
1 replies
8 reposts
67 likes
If you do not know where your local food pantry is, you're gonna find out. If you do not know who is ministering to the tents you drive past, you're gonna learn. If your kid's school has a fund for kids in need of coats, you're gonna donate, even if it's five bucks.
2 replies
16 reposts
75 likes
That's all we can do. That's all we have ever been able to do. We're gonna march and we're gonna vote and we're gonna yell with whatever voices we have, but mostly? We're gonna bring the sick old lady down the street some soup.
1 replies
12 reposts
87 likes
Here's what we're gonna do. Most of us. Instead of rage-posting memes and speculating about stuff we have no way to know or control. After today, here's what we're gonna do.
We're gonna plan for our most vulnerable friends and neighbors. We're gonna take care of the people on our left, & our right.
3 replies
82 reposts
221 likes
Of all the weird bullshit Trump spewed last night, the one thing I haven't seen anyone mention is when he told Biden, "You didn't stop Israel."
Are we supposed to infer from that that Trump wouldn't have let Israel attack Gaza? I thought his whole thing was to nuke the entire Middle East.
1 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
The Democratic Party’s reaction to their candidate having a bad debate substantially outpaces the Republican Party’s reaction to their candidate being convicted of multiple felonies, held liable for rape, and owing judgments in the hundreds of millions for defamation and fraud.
72 replies
707 reposts
2565 likes
Car, not bar, but honestly Norby couldn't tell the difference by then.
0 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
Yeah, but Biden's my uncle Norby who drove the bar up on his kids' lawn with a cigar and whiskey in hand, and Trump deliberately rammed the local Greenpeace office.
1 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
The carrying your own bags thing was just to make him throw shit at the wall back at whatever hooker hotel they have him booked into.
1 replies
0 reposts
12 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
Gretchen Whitmer doing push-ups on the floor of her office while this plays in the background
8 replies
51 reposts
397 likes
Among a number of other words.
0 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
All of this depends on which candidate's social media team blankets TikTok with some fucking compilation with a Godsmack cover and I hate that this is the case but here we are.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
Same. People who don't have MAGA/Operation Rescue-lite relatives don't understand how deeply ingrained the malicious, religious ignorance is.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
Illegal immigrants are pouring into this country and we're putting them on social security.
No pushback on this from CNN.
0 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
actual quote
1 replies
1 reposts
5 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
the convicted felon thing sticks in his fucking craw, choke on it you fucking piece of shit
7 replies
20 reposts
204 likes
WE FINALLY GET FELONY QUESTIONS AFTER 45 MINUTES OF BULLSHIT. Excellent job, CNN. Really well done.
0 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
are they going to ask him about his attempted coup or nah
4 replies
39 reposts
192 likes
WE STILL HAVEN'T SAID THE WORD FELON.
WEIRD.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
He was half right like four times and white liberals decided he was SO HAWT and it was always gross, these guys always suck off Republicans again.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
It's not great.
0 replies
0 reposts
2 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
there will be a non-zero number of people watching this who will come away from this believing that this might be true and you can lay it directly at tapper and bash’s feet
10 replies
46 reposts
268 likes
He's warmed up and pissed off now and it's better but that was a tough beginning.
0 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
Jake Tapper could not be doing a worse job
18 replies
12 reposts
222 likes
"Every single thing he said is a lie."
PUT THAT ON A T-SHIRT.
0 replies
0 reposts
0 likes
The good news is that almost no one is watching this except us fuckin nerds.
0 replies
1 reposts
11 likes
Reposted by Allison Hantschel
Tapper just repeating anti-immigrant rhetoric as if it was fact
5 replies
32 reposts
152 likes
Yeah, this is so much worse than I thought they'd be, and I thought they would be bad.
1 replies
0 reposts
34 likes
This is incoherent bullshit and a real moderator would call him on it.
0 replies
1 reposts
5 likes
She died in 2018 and her husband, my father-in-law, followed in 2022, and Trump's legal troubles began the literal second they both cleared spiritual customs and hooked back up, in whatever supper club with bottomless old fashioneds and all you can eat fish fries that heaven is.
0 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
Kick's late beloved Nana, her namesake, hated Trump with the fire of a thousand suns. Once when Nana was having a health crisis and was in the hospital, they did the "do you know who the president is" and her subsequent horrified expression proved she was still in there.
1 replies
0 reposts
1 likes
Watching the debate with Kick, age 10, who has been told since 2016 that she can say any swear word she wants about That Man, so this should be interesting.
1 replies
0 reposts
3 likes