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Bethany Brookshire@beebrookshire.bsky.social |
Unpopular opinion: Small talk is really important actually. The weather, how are you, do you like this hummus. Sure, it's not scintillating. But it breaks the ice, it finds common ground, it recognizes the other people's humanity. Small talk is the first step to Big talk.
24 replies 21 reposts 281 likes
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Mooch
@cachiporra.bsky.social
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It’s human dial tone that enables Everything Else.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Claire 🐝
@isolinearchip.bsky.social
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I (autistic) had a realization about this a couple days ago. Inconsequential conversation is hard for me to get my head around, but it's not bc of the topics. All convos are given equal attention/focus, even if the topic is "small". I will remember forever if you like hummus bsky.app/profile/isol...
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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LoriMMiller
@lorimmiller.bsky.social
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Is chocolate "hummus" really hummus? Discuss. 😀
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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brianjay
@brianjay1317.bsky.social
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and it is not that hard! or shouldn't be. just be politely curious.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Sandy Johnson 🌞🌊
@sandyjohnson.bsky.social
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Sadly people are losing the ability to make small talk. Small talk is the lubricant of society (sorry David Hull for mangling your quote).
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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@wpkirsch.bsky.social
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I am somewhere on the spectrum. Once this was called Asperger's. Growing up I wondered why I didn't get along with others. Finally I analyzed the situation and found that other people expected small talk. I taught myself some stock questions and phrases. Lo and behold my relations improved.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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ᐱᒍ
@ajslater.bsky.social
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Smalltalk —whatever the content– establishes a physical rhythm to the communication. You’re negotiating and adapting to the pause length, phoneme style, accent, social register, volume, distance and various points of mutual contact you’ll be using for what follows.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Kate Gregory
@gregcons.bsky.social
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It's Care Talk. Some people don't actually care even while they're doing it, which is a shame, but done well, it builds the foundation for relationships (friend, colleague, neighbour, extended family.) Calling it small comes from those who aren't good at it and don't know its value. A pattern.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Jen Canary
@canarynoir.bsky.social
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Yes - small talk is a way to gauge the other‘s temperature. Are they the kind of person who will “yes, and” an “inconsequential” comment about the weather or will the exchange be awkward or combative? Small talk is a way to find out if you even want to keep talking to the other person.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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terminal>
@loremanlear.bsky.social
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I usually break the ice with new particle collider plans and work my way down from there. Small because I really don't understand it.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Autistic Adam
@autisticadam.bsky.social
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I want details, not the standard, "hello, why are you?" And before you say it leads to big talk (which you have already mentioned) I'd rather just get straight into the detailed chat.
4 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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Diabolical Plots
@diabolicalplots.com
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I like to think of it as like a computer protocol, it's like pinging a server. PING (requesting a conversation) PING (acknowledging request, confirming interest in conversation) and then it's on to negotiating the topic.
1 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
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PeterS
@paradiddletriplets.bsky.social
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I usually start with stuff like "When was the last vampire you hosted?" Or, "Can you tell me if every cylinder in my car's engine is firing correctly?" Maybe even, "Both my mother and father had pants like those." I get right to the heart of the matter ...
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Herr Einzige
@herreinzige.bsky.social
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The worst is when you’re with someone who “hates small talk” because they never bring up topics they find interesting or make the conversation deeper. It’s always just “I hate small talk”, and it makes me wanna scream “DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT THEN!”
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Brian Wolven
@brianwolven.bsky.social
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So, how ‘bout this weather, eh?🥵🔥
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Red Lori Bright Eyes
@redloribrighteyes.bsky.social
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People who eschew civility are not safe - they have already broken the first boundary - civility
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Premee Mohamed
@premeemohamed.com
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This is a good opinion though! It gives people a gentle on-ramp to move to other things if they want to talk about that, or stay on it if they don't! It helps people feel safe and in a low-risk social space!
0 replies 0 reposts 16 likes
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Lucy
@cyluho.bsky.social
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Hm. I've never seen it that way, I like that. But it's just so hard, how do i do it😅
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Bethany Brookshire
@beebrookshire.bsky.social
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When you tell me you don't like small talk, or you don't have time for small talk*, what you're saying is you assume you already know me. You're assuming similarity or difference. *If you are neurotypical, I know for many neuro-differents it can be hard and I totally get that!
8 replies 0 reposts 33 likes
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Michael
@ksuhistorian.bsky.social
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I’ve gotten so bored talking about sports but loosely follow the local pro teams for just this reason. Funny enough not everyone wants to talk about animals.
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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David Shiffman, Ph.D. 🦈
@whysharksmatter.bsky.social
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I had some really excellent hummus this past weekend. Like I eat a lot of hummus and this was noteworthy unusually good.
1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
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The Woker
@bone2meetu.bsky.social
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Ok but I don’t want to make Big Talk with some random person im stuck in a line with either
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@jillinois.bsky.social
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I love small talk. I find it easy and relaxing. I was brought up in a super small town (400) and meeting anyone new was always very exciting. But I know I can be overwhelming.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Krista Koeller
@kristalerista.bsky.social
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One of the few actually good things I took away from the fascinating disaster that is married at first sight is the idea of conversation levels My take: Small talk is level 1. You’ve gotta do level 1 before you move to level 2 and 3.Trauma and the details of your mental health journey are level 4!
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes