Needed a place to blah blah blah to people I’ll never meet.
My wife just ordered a plain burger and nuggets with no sauce from McDonald’s. This is an interesting way to find out I married a psychopath.
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Just write in pizza where it says machine gun.
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Are you even gay if you haven’t thought about what it’d be like to take your wife on a double date with Sue Bird and Megan Rapinoe?
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If you don’t sweat inappropriately, congratulations on not having anxiety.
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Unpopular opinion, but the worst part about going to the salon to get your hair done is listening to all the gd taylor swift.
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Please hesitate to reach out to me.
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all my SSRI girlies drink extra water to avoid dehydration
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Things I’m grateful for today: Rescued a bunny and got to walk multiple dogs.
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Baby bunny rescue mission.
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The real villain of Shawshank Redemption is the woman who narcs on Brooks for not double bagging her groceries.
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550 likes
I identify as polyJAMorous—I enjoy all genres of music.
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Live. Laugh. Lollygag.
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I am severely gay for this Victorian bee lady 🥵
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Does this song make you wanna fux or am I ovulating?
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Me to Me: You can be a little unhinged today as a treatie, you deserve it.
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Just a reminder that it’s actually cool as fuck to be kind to others.
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imagine how good it would feel to have your whole body taken apart, have each piece carefully cleaned, and then be put back together. powerwash my skeleton in the driveway. lay all the parts out to dry on a towel in the sun. oil all the hinges while you're at it
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To smithereens has to be one of the worst ways to get blown.
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Mentally tough, athletic women are my weakness.
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I WISH I WAS A BALLER. 🏀
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when the tempo shifts in a song and the guitar drops a bit to the chugga chugga breakdown, do you make that stank face too
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Wanna get out of here and find a void to scream into?
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Looking back I should have been meaner.
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It might honestly be easier to light your place of employment on fire rather the unionize. You should still unionize, because fuck the man, but be ready to rely heavily on drugs to get through it.
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I’m going to keep doing the “right thing” or whatever but just so you all know I’m screaming fuck you! in my head.
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2024 is making it really hard to quit smoking weed.
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Could a depressed person do this *sends out yet another post*
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You can have both anger and compassion in your heart, at the same time. The trick is to have them fuel each other, rather than pretending one doesn't exist in an effort to sate the other.
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I feel strongly that people should get their drivers licenses revoked a lot more than they do
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Well paint me green and call me pickle because I’m done Dillin’ with ya.
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I’m really just here to lurk for a while. My brain is too fried to post coherent thoughts.
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Also congratulations to my dog for costing me $600 today.
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Congratulations to my dog for never having to be a person.
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LOOK AT HER.
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I keep waiting to do stuff until I'm not so tired but the joke’s on me I am always tired.
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I would sell my soul to the devil if he’d give dogs the same lifespan as humans.
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Poll for people with restless legs syndrome: Generally speaking, when you’re not experiencing restless legs, do you find that you are someone who falls asleep easily?
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This mantra may actually help me drink the recommended daily amount of water.
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i’ve had it up to here with me
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Won't be scratching mosquito bites this year. Refuse to give them the satisfaction.
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I dunno what the fuck I’m doing but I’m here.
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