House of 1000 Fionas's avatar

House of 1000 Fionas

@cogentanalysis.bsky.social

366 followers 142 following 85 posts

oh god, it's come to this

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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The feminine urge to address your boyfriend as "dude"

0 replies 3 reposts 29 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

kid gruesome's avatar kid gruesome @smeagolsfree.bsky.social
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Biblical scholars refer to ages 13-30, the period of Jesus's life missing from the Gospels, as "the fossil record evidence planting years"

2 replies 9 reposts 52 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

kid gruesome's avatar kid gruesome @smeagolsfree.bsky.social
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Unskilled labor is a classist myth. Except for me. I am unskilled

1 replies 35 reposts 142 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Holy shit dude!! I'm starstruck just hearing about it. I hope the commercial involved coolly walking away from an explosion and not looking back. Chyron: Yoplait

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Rammstein's songs are about universal human experiences: man's inhumanity towards man, time's cruel & inexorable march forward, air show disasters, not having a mom bc you were grown in a lab, sex cannibals, being a lonely Bavarian who wants only for a woman with enormous jugs, &c

6 replies 29 reposts 147 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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It's just as valid any other day of the week!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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On this Tuesday morning I'm really entering my Joan of Arc era. I'm thriving. I'm driven. I'm hearing voices. I'm pointing siege weapons at the English

2 replies 8 reposts 46 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

lanyardigan's avatar lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social
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Toot-tootling by in my apple-shaped car, I raise a hand in friendly greeting. As I pass, a man-sized worm raises his head into view from the backseat. The sign in his mouth says CALL 911

5 replies 50 reposts 259 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I can tell that at least some of the writers of "I Think You Should Leave" have worked regular office jobs because it is exactly like the beginning of every bit where the boring regular people think they're being fun and funny

0 replies 1 reposts 31 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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"euphoria" is precision engineered, like a Dyson

2 replies 5 reposts 14 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

geeky steven 's avatar geeky steven @geekysteven.bsky.social
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Men: defensively arguing that they are safer to be around in the woods than a bear Women: saying "BEAR" louder each time in the same manner you would demand a human representative from an automated line

0 replies 14 reposts 95 likes

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House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Okay, I have 20 years to plan how to pull off an incredible heist while everyone's looking at the next eclipse

1 replies 5 reposts 42 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I'm a quarter fuccboi on my father's side

0 replies 13 reposts 101 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I can see the N¥T building from my cubicle, and it's very hard not to put sticky notes on the window spelling out a big "you suck so bad"

1 replies 2 reposts 35 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I knew about baked brie, but that there is a roasted brie

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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"I have Schwimmer's ear," David Schwimmer's killer taunts police

0 replies 23 reposts 142 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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"He's beginning to think outside the bun."

0 replies 18 reposts 166 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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(poorly masking that I'm crestfallen) I guess it's kind of entertaining

6 replies 16 reposts 114 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

lanyardigan's avatar lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social
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(thinking endlessly about a problem that cannot be solved by thought) making good progress

5 replies 147 reposts 558 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

lanyardigan's avatar lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social
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Surge pricing for food: an exciting new frontier for predatory capitalism. Now when I go to the grocery store and it’s busy and I wanna kms, can I also pay more? And can we keep the shrinkflation going? Squeeze me from all sides like a Temple Grandin chute. I am so relaxed. Hey what’s that up ahead

0 replies 5 reposts 75 likes

Reposted by House of 1000 Fionas

Dick Blunderbuss's avatar Dick Blunderbuss @dickblunderbuss.bsky.social
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(building a straw man) oh this guy is gonna be such a fucking piece of shit

4 replies 246 reposts 1512 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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(sex scene with Jodie Foster and Christopher Eccleston) oh my god this is too horrible, quick, put the screaming frozen guy back on screen

0 replies 1 reposts 19 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Hey, drivers of cars with Massachusetts plates that I encounter while driving in New York City: you know you guys don't have to like, prove anything to anyone, right?

3 replies 1 reposts 11 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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(cut to a police procedural where they're trying to figure out your password based on your psychological profile)

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Please note that the "O" from "HOT" line up with the curved part of the "D" from "DOGS" to make the first O in "HOOGS" but much more importantly the mustard squiggle on the truncated cartoon hot dog lines up FUCKING PERFECTLY

1 replies 0 reposts 19 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Can't wait to enjoy some delicious (squints) hoogs

16 replies 58 reposts 370 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Once my new Shark UltraCyclone Pet Pro+ Cordless Handheld Vacuum is fully charged, it's over for you hoes

1 replies 4 reposts 45 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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When I listen to music I'm like "this slaps. I do not know why"

1 replies 1 reposts 24 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Lol lol hi buddy. I'm nothing if not fair. UNLIKE A CERTAIN BIG TINA I KNOW

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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To be fair, all of Big Tina is big, not just the T&A

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I was out later than expected and didn't have dinner so now it's time to eat a bunch of food and then immediately go to sleep, which if I recall correctly is recommended by physicians as a good thing you should definitely do

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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For my own well-being I'm still avoiding news of any kind, due to my high resting despair levels

0 replies 26 reposts 153 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Online dating always reminds me of Aesop's lesser known corollary fable "Tasty Grapes" ("these grapes that I *can* reach must be tasty? right?")

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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When I go to CVS to pick up a prescription, even though I'm always clearly wearing a metal band shirt, about half of the time some patron asks me a question and I have to be like "I don't work here"?? I can only assume this is due to the way I confidently stride around places

3 replies 3 reposts 48 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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I'm only looking for a partner in crime if we both agree that I'm the H.H. Holmes and he's the Benjamin Pitezel

2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Why do all the dudes on bumble say they're "planning their next adventure" fuckin, Winnie-the-Pooh soundin ass

5 replies 17 reposts 108 likes

House of 1000 Fionas's avatar House of 1000 Fionas @cogentanalysis.bsky.social
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Oh my god totally. Even more abysmal rates with the "A fun fact I'm obsessed with" question, where they just say something they're obsessed with as though that's a fun fact? "A fun fact I'm obsessed with chicken parm" I'm being tortured

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes