Cosmically Funny

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:58 UTC

Reese's needs to start making edible panties for their cups.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 19:08 UTC

I only screenshot for good.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:36 UTC

Are you coming on to me?

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:08 UTC

We already tried to let evangelicals rule, and that can be thanked for the dark ages, the inquisition, and "witch" burnings... but sure, let's vote conservative.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 03:02 UTC

That upsets my sensibilities.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:59 UTC

I wonder how long I'm going to be fucked up over my cat...

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:52 UTC

A boobie trap is for catching boobies but will also trap tits and other birds.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:46 UTC

If there is a God he's an evil motherfucker.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:33 UTC

Birds aren't real.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 05:03 UTC

I was talking to my beer.

1 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:09 UTC

if you see this post birb

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 19:46 UTC

I'm not an artist, just a guy who drinks too much milk.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 20:35 UTC

My biggest kink is probably the one in my neck.

2 replies 21 reposts 70 likes

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 01:48 UTC

Me: Dad, why are we attracted to crazy women? Dad: *grabbing crotch and doing a jig* It's in our jeans.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 01:30 UTC

Three hundred sixty-five degrees BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 01:27 UTC

*trains pigeons to shit on red hats*

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 01:09 UTC

Look me right in the dick and say that again.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 00:43 UTC

Take a drink every time they float.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 00:26 UTC

*peeing in pool* Spoil it?

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 00:12 UTC

The only way I'll ever get married again is if makes me king.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 23:37 UTC

Hey girl, are you a sexual harassment lawsuit?

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 23:26 UTC

Where do I get one of these friends with benefits? I need better dental coverage.

0 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] May 28, 2024 at 02:16 UTC

Welcome to the shower. This is my ungendered baby; Qwerty.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:41 UTC

Arrogant sounds like a type of leafy greens.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:40 UTC

Microfiche? Like sea monkeys?

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:37 UTC

This is my piece of wood. It's haunted.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:31 UTC

I did so much political commentary today, the toilet almost overflowed.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:30 UTC

Professor X: What's your superpower? Me: I turn plants and animals into manure. Professor X: Get the fuck out of here!

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:22 UTC

Me: You're a huge asshole, aren't you Reflection: 🖕

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:16 UTC

The toughest way to find out you're white is battling a Balrog.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:16 UTC

Any theater can be a drive-in theater if you know which wall to hit.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:14 UTC

Edgy vampires dry blood out and snort it.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:13 UTC

Roman soldier: I'll have a martinus. Bartender: You mean martini. Roman soldier: No, one is fine.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:10 UTC

Paramedic: You've lost a lot of blood, we're gonna have to give you an IV. Roman soldier: Four what?

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:06 UTC

It doesn't matter how much you love the scent of licorice, you have to be very careful with your enunciation if you're going to tell a woman her anise smells delicious.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 22:05 UTC

If you take a liver into a diner there can be a nuclear explosion.

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Cosmically Funny @cosmicallyf.bsky.social [ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 20:37 UTC

Bricks are just trying to get laid.

2 replies 3 reposts 8 likes