Dëad Børkchettå's avatar

Dëad Børkchettå

@deadbarchetta.bsky.social

405 followers 370 following 9713 posts

The uncool middle aged dad of your dreams. No, not those dreams. The weird ones you get from eating too much cheese before bed.

Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Sucking ass that hard constantly ages you, I guess

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Nobody wants to drop him off a tall building any more, it's like Die Hard didn't even happen

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Reposted by Dëad Børkchettå

Viktor Winetrout's avatar Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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They say 1 is the loneliest number, but what about 0? 0 doesn’t even have itself. What a loser

4 replies 9 reposts 24 likes

Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Morgan Freeman has a chance to do the funniest thing ever right now

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Even if I just watched these dogs lick their own junk, I'd still let em lick my cheek and tell them what good doggies they are

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Personally I don't care who wins or loses as long as everyone has fun running for President. We're all going out for pizza after the election anyway.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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When the glass is so cold that it turns into beer slushy on the side of the glass... that's the stuff

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Gonna stick with my old standby for anyone I don't want to talk to knocking on my door: immediately say "no" before they deliver their pitch and close the door My wife thinks I'm rude, I think I'm saving us all time. This is why she usually answers the door before I can get to it

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Dëad Børkchettå

J.R. 's avatar J.R. @jrbolt.bsky.social
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PSA America It's Lord Baron Pissgammon-Cuntingsby Habsburg-Syphilis Minge-Upon-Shite Pigfuckington, or (the) Lord Shitminge, or just the surname. It's not "Lord Pigfuck" and--I'm begging you here--it is not "Mr. Pigfuck" under any circumstances whatsoever. No. Bad.

3 replies 20 reposts 115 likes

Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Maybe it was bad. Maybe it was good. Who can really say?

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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I made maple ice cream recently, maybe bacon flavor wouldn't be too weird in it... but the problem with bacon in ice cream is that the fat gets very cold and congeals and cold bacon fat has a pretty unpleasant texture as it melts in your mouth

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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FUCK OF COURSE THEY DID SCOTUS ALWAYS RULES IN FAVOR OF MISERY AND RUIN

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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It's probably also a lot worse for whatever the car without the crumple zone hits, so it's not even a case of "whatever, if you're daft enough to buy a Cybertruck you deserve the consequences" because it puts other drivers at risk. Which is kind of Tesla's thing, huh.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Car go smash = not great, have to buy new car Person go smash = very bad, can't buy new person

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Lake Rock (small, being thrown into lake) Rock (large, covered in snow)

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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English food on the day after 4th of July? Give it a week at least Rogs!

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Justin Chancellor's hypnotic bass lines are sinful. A Cardinal really ought to know better.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Sigh, tis the season. Haven't had any smoke in the valley yet (aside from firework smoke last night) but we've got several days ahead of highs in the low triple digits. And the smoke is inevitable I think, happens every year now.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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You can't play Tool in the church, a Cardinal should know this

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Yeah, not a great combination of colors there. We're having ours redone and I hope it turns out better in the end than this one. Where it's at so far:

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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I had to redo it because I didn't specify a gold amount

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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This is totally normal, pointy guitars are cool

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Between that and the owl piñata with the "no OVHoes were harmed in the recording of this video" disclaimer, alive might be a little generous

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Reposted by Dëad Børkchettå

to the left to the left's avatar to the left to the left @roadsdiverge.bsky.social
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Lord Sir Majestic Prime Keircestershire Stammer Minister of All Farthington-Upon-Pidgeonwidget

3 replies 4 reposts 60 likes

Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Ok I'm just going to call him Sir Amazon Prime Minister Kinky Stinkboy anyway though

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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As much as I love Breath of the Wild (which got me to buy a Switch after years of not owning a console) and Tears of the Kingdom, they didn't really feel like Zelda games in the classic sense. Link's Awakening was the one that really scratched the itch for me.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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This all seems pretty obvious to me AND YET people still want to defend him!

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Every time I scream into the void I dream of it screaming back

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Amazon Prime Minister Keebler Stonehenge

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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I'd use this to play Russian Dressing Roulette but I think the pickle chunks would jam up the nozzle

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Right? Even if you buy his version of events and believe that both victims are being dishonest about details - which I really hope we're not doing after every other instance of this sort of thing we've seen - this still looks REALLY BAD.

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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🎶 Glory, glory hallelujah X is gon' give it to ya 🎶

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Condolences to Keebler Stovetop or whatever his name is, being Prime Minister of the UK looks like a real shit job to have

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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"Oops! All Stuf Oreos" and it's just a toothpaste tube full of the Stuf

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Maybe he's allergic to nuts and thinks you're saying "cashew" (yes I know they're not nuts but maybe the cat doesn't)

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Reskeet with a tweet you still think about

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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This is illegal and I demand to speak to the manager about it

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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"Every conservative nightmare will come true, and more besides." I can only get so hard

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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I used to wiggle my elder child's fingers and tell her they were getting loose, and that they'd soon fall out so her grown up fingers would grow in, don't forget to put it under the pillow for the Finger Fairy! (Wife says I am Not Allowed to raise the idea of a Penis Fairy with my younger child)

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Dëad Børkchettå's avatar Dëad Børkchettå @deadbarchetta.bsky.social
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Swedish Chef is known for being reliable about food science and nutrition

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