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m@thew

@tweetpotato314.bsky.social

192 followers 105 following 140 posts

Emotional Rollercoaster Tycoon

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I’ve never watched that movie but I’ve heard it’s good

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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There was also a root beer flavored protein shake so make sure u bring the truck

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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CC: @ygrene.bsky.social

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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How much further from god can we possibly stray?

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

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My team is unlikely to compete this year so I don’t want to lose picks to fight for 4th place

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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sky 's avatar sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social
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My superhero friends never let me be the head of our giant robot because I refuse to stop kissing airplanes.

3 replies 20 reposts 80 likes

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Lazer Cat's avatar Lazer Cat @lazer-cat.bsky.social
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I donated my bones to science and now the bike ride to work is impossible.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

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Maddie's avatar Maddie @madrigal.bsky.social
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my job gave me a sack of flour to carry around for a week before they gave me a laptop

6 replies 47 reposts 337 likes

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I spent a lot of freezing New England mornings pretending to be a professional wrestler making his entrance by hanging out in the cloud of exhaust from my parents warming car if ur curious about why I’m like this

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

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Dave Cactus's avatar Dave Cactus @davecactus.bsky.social
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I've been birdwatching for years and have come to one major conclusion: there are literally over a hundred birds.

23 replies 189 reposts 1032 likes

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I am not. Outside of this song, which came up randomly streaming once, and magnolia mountain, which I saw furthur cover once, I don’t know much of Ryan Adams’s either. What of David Rawlings stuff should I check out

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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Yeah, song just reminds me of a bringing it all back home era Dylan

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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*can’t think of anything funny to say* I agree just….happy for you

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

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Today is the end of my company’s fiscal yeah and I still don’t know which coworker to kiss at 3:30

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

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The worst part of being in the penalty box in hockey is prolly watching ur friends all play together without u

1 replies 4 reposts 43 likes

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Themperor Kennedée🐸🏳️‍🌈's avatar Themperor Kennedée🐸🏳️‍🌈 @kennedytcooper.bsky.social
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Non-binary people as a whole don't owe you androgyny, but I do owe you androgyny. I stole some androgyny from you years ago and then played innocent when you went looking for it. I've felt guilty about it ever since. I'd really like to return it but it feels so awkward now and I'm scared.

9 replies 39 reposts 173 likes

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Seems counterintuitive that running the AC with your windows open somehow makes global warming worse?

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

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Just cause I don’t have anything to say doesn’t mean I’m going to stop posting

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

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I prefer to sit on the porch on a warm Sunday afternoon with a tall glass of lemonade and not write in my journal but you do you

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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Nate's avatar Nate @thenatewolf.bsky.social
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Me: they should never have made you shave, you beautiful, logical stallion. Her: wake up, you're dreaming about bearded Spock again. Me: [very defensive] NO I WASN'T

1 replies 51 reposts 300 likes

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Really interested in the people who are going through pre-med trying to pick a specialty and then one day just go “ya know what? I’m really good at asses.”

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

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TP314SOTD When I die please bury me at live from Daryl’s house

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

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Maddie's avatar Maddie @madrigal.bsky.social
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Calling my boss “charts” (e.g. “what up, charts!”) until he stops showing me charts. It’ll take a while, but I believe in the plan.

15 replies 63 reposts 559 likes

m@thew's avatar m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social
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Jared Allen once finished describing his mullet with “and if someone asks you if you want extra mayo you have to say yes because that’s part of it”

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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My wife wants to start a swear jar but I don’t care I’ll eat all those fucking quarters

1 replies 5 reposts 31 likes

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I enjoy them but have never given them much of a deep dive any albums u specifically recommend

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

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dk's avatar dk @portdrift.bsky.social
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plants be like: i'm gonna have a light lunch

26 replies 329 reposts 1397 likes

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If I ever see anyone wearing this I am going to slash their tires

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

m@thew's avatar m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social
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hmm I DON’t appear to have an ai overview but I guess u CAN buy this shirt

1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

m@thew's avatar m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social
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Emailing the coworker who parks next to me everyday to ask him if he thinks our cars are friends

1 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

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sky 's avatar sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social
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SURPRISE! I scream, bursting from the vat of mashed potatoes. The other lunch ladies do not look surprised. They do not look surprised at all.

3 replies 90 reposts 412 likes

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sky 's avatar sky @iamspacegirl.bsky.social
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If a guy bird built one of those fancy enticing nest areas in my yard I would build a better one and steal his bird girl. I would steal every bird girl with my incredible structures and ruin all our lives.

2 replies 3 reposts 24 likes

m@thew's avatar m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social
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Spud Webb is the shortest man to ever win the nba dunk contest

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes