Stone Cold Jane Austen

@abbyhiggs.bsky.social

4291 followers 802 following 1619 posts

Feral essayist. Genderclear. They/Thembo. Instructor/Professor: @MorganStateU Words: @MarieClaire_sa @Guardian @The_Rumpus @VICE etc.🖖

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 23:59 UTC

“Eh, let’s check in on RFK Jr” RFK Jr:

1 replies 5 reposts 43 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 14:07 UTC

How I introduce myself in an icebreaker session

15 replies 269 reposts 1559 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 14:06 UTC

Take my dyke ass money already

2 replies 3 reposts 73 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

rifka the unhinged fat activist @rifka.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 21:48 UTC

Not now sweetie, mommy is raging against the dying of the light

1 replies 33 reposts 155 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 00:55 UTC

My 5-year-old niece just came down and asked me to help her find a book before bed. I just sent her back upstairs with The Audubon Field Guide to North American Mushrooms

6 replies 2 reposts 88 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 19:38 UTC

So, my grandma’s funeral was today. I was bawling when a gnat flew straight up into my nose and got caught there. People were handing me tons of tissues because I WAS crying, but I was also intentionally blowing snot rockets hard to get it out and, TBH, grandma would’ve LOL’d

9 replies 6 reposts 211 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 19, 2024 at 02:11 UTC

Me: I have an extreme fear of 90s music Therapist: How bizarre

22 replies 118 reposts 569 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 01:35 UTC

Get it, Dame Maggie

3 replies 5 reposts 50 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

The Ugly Machine @theuglymachine.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 20:40 UTC

Behold, the Cool S Sword.

87 replies 1242 reposts 4617 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 00:50 UTC

My neighbors are listening to some great music, whether they like it or not

4 replies 14 reposts 124 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 10, 2024 at 19:27 UTC

not just anyone can be cremated. you have to urn it

1 replies 13 reposts 67 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 10, 2024 at 19:22 UTC

Thank ya kindly!

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 10, 2024 at 19:19 UTC

Oops, I accidentally match the couch today

3 replies 0 reposts 29 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

Jessie🌈 @atropius.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 08, 2024 at 19:14 UTC

coming out 🏳️‍🌈
#art

3 replies 36 reposts 124 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 06, 2024 at 14:41 UTC

*me, showing up in my grandma’s hospital room this morning after her heart attack yesterday* My grandma: you look like shit

7 replies 9 reposts 123 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 04, 2024 at 19:20 UTC

Girl, it’s Pride month

4 replies 164 reposts 594 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 03, 2024 at 20:17 UTC

I’m so dumb it took me a fortnight to read “Twelfth Night”

1 replies 0 reposts 21 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 31, 2024 at 22:25 UTC

Remember to set your clocks to gay tonight

2 replies 13 reposts 49 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 27, 2024 at 22:42 UTC

Anyone else allergic to gluten gleeten glouten globen

3 replies 0 reposts 29 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 26, 2024 at 14:25 UTC

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

2 replies 21 reposts 149 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 23, 2024 at 16:53 UTC

Hello, pollen, my old friend You’ve come to clog my head again

8 replies 23 reposts 146 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 22, 2024 at 16:28 UTC

Doctor: Hello. Thanks for being patient Me: Hello. Thanks for being doctor

1 replies 37 reposts 206 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 17, 2024 at 14:53 UTC

All I’m saying is that I’m closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is

2 replies 23 reposts 101 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 17, 2024 at 00:43 UTC

Denny’s sun, IHOP moon, Waffle House rising

2 replies 6 reposts 32 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 16, 2024 at 19:53 UTC

[to the tune of Eleanor Rigby] RFK Jr. Conspiracy theorist seeking his first White House term Has a brain worm

4 replies 3 reposts 42 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 12, 2024 at 17:06 UTC

One day for mom, one day for dad, a week for sharks. As it should be.

4 replies 57 reposts 247 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

Matt Negrin still host of Hardball on MSNBC @mattnegrin.bsky.social
[ View ] May 08, 2024 at 23:03 UTC

RFK is the only candidate who believes in lobal worming

71 replies 815 reposts 3624 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 08, 2024 at 22:04 UTC

TURN AROUND

9 replies 4 reposts 53 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 06, 2024 at 18:33 UTC

Doctor: You have Tom Jones Syndrome Me: Is that common? Doctor: It’s not unusual

24 replies 175 reposts 1006 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

RM @dorsalstream.bsky.social
[ View ] May 01, 2024 at 16:18 UTC

It takes an entire village to raise a Godzilla but only 1 Godzilla to raze an entire village.

5 replies 86 reposts 337 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 03, 2024 at 19:06 UTC

Wait we can post gifs now???

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 03, 2024 at 14:50 UTC

*me, rearranging my spice rack alphabetically* Ok, what comes after thyme? Cyndi Lauper: thyme

25 replies 142 reposts 670 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] May 01, 2024 at 22:55 UTC

I wouldn’t tell anyone I’d won the lottery, but there would be signs…

12 replies 59 reposts 464 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

Jay @jaycubed2k.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 05, 2024 at 14:13 UTC

McDonald's: here's a room temperature McMuffin with the cheese half slid off Me, completely broken: thank you I'm lovin it

2 replies 26 reposts 91 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

Bethany Albertson @albertsonb2.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 29, 2024 at 19:15 UTC

Students chanting "There is no riot here. Why are you in riot gear?" Good question.

13 replies 246 reposts 1248 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 29, 2024 at 23:17 UTC

A dating app for people falling apart called Crumble

6 replies 17 reposts 99 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 29, 2024 at 20:10 UTC

*me, looking for someone to have breakfast with* wanna be friends with benedicts?

3 replies 9 reposts 47 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 25, 2024 at 01:21 UTC

*John Lennon voice* Imagine there’s no dragons

1 replies 6 reposts 48 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 23, 2024 at 13:40 UTC

Are you tell me this summer night’s dream is mid????

2 replies 5 reposts 26 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

dan mentos @danmentos.com
[ View ] Apr 22, 2024 at 15:21 UTC

happy earth day! fuck off mars, you piece of shit!!!

29 replies 423 reposts 2078 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 20, 2024 at 20:57 UTC

Put on your SLUGGS, we’re goin out

7 replies 13 reposts 95 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 20, 2024 at 17:53 UTC

*Me on a first date* centaurs have two rib cages

5 replies 8 reposts 69 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 20, 2024 at 01:58 UTC

Me: “Hello, I’m here for my interview at IKEA.” Interviewer: “Come on in! Make a seat!”

8 replies 37 reposts 339 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

Brett "Solidarity 2024" Banditelli @banditelli.org
[ View ] Apr 17, 2024 at 03:50 UTC

I love that we live in the same world as these adorable murder birds 🦉

9 replies 67 reposts 492 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 16, 2024 at 18:00 UTC

I’ve shenanned before… and I’ll shenanigan

0 replies 9 reposts 68 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 16, 2024 at 01:09 UTC

Not me setting off the neighbor’s smoke alarm

2 replies 0 reposts 13 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 15, 2024 at 14:32 UTC

you know he’d do this shit too—

1 replies 6 reposts 43 likes

Reposted by Stone Cold Jane Austen

I'm Maxxxine-maxxing. I'm Ti pilled. @crabitha.slutmo.de
[ View ] Apr 14, 2024 at 22:48 UTC

Would a depressed person buy this

8 replies 9 reposts 81 likes

Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
[ View ] Apr 13, 2024 at 21:07 UTC

“You’re great in bed.” — me, talking to my breakfast

1 replies 7 reposts 53 likes