Alicia Kraft's avatar

Alicia Kraft

@aliciakraft.bsky.social

260 followers 284 following 501 posts

contributor at The Onion fatty at large (get it?) Chicago she/her

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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One time a guy told me that he wouldn't engage in a particular sexual activity because his buddies would give him shit about it like... the fuck are you talking about man. Why would they know?

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Like if you agree

2 replies 4 reposts 70 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Stella gets everything she wants today

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Ah yes the good old days in the 90s

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Will never catch on

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Like if you agree

2 replies 4 reposts 70 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Good peps

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Eric Hirsch's avatar Eric Hirsch @ehirsch.bsky.social
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Faster, Pussycat! Eat! Pray! Love!

4 replies 31 reposts 132 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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When I was a kid I was told that yoga poses were a form of prayer to demons

1 replies 0 reposts 7 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Christy, Butlerian Jihadist's avatar Christy, Butlerian Jihadist @birdsaredinosaurs.bsky.social
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🎡🎢 Life is a highway 🎢🎡 🎢🎡 It should be maintained 🎡🎢 🎡🎢 With public funds 🎢🎡

7 replies 181 reposts 713 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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What a little sweetheart. Thank you for giving her a good life

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Big titty Kevin James has entered the chat

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Have you seen the episode with the gay couple that lives in an RV next to their hotel and larps being Society

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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My targeted ads on the day before my 40th birthday: Nuva Ring is so convenient to pop in while I whiten my teeth for my craft cocktail date with my hunky yoga teacher! My targeted ads on my 40th birthday: Aren't you tired of REEKING from all the PISS in your PANTIES?

0 replies 0 reposts 20 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Mother persists in her treacherous lie that one Capri Sun is enough. At a mere 6.8 fluid ounces, Mother? Shall I wither and perish to satisfy your craven pride?

0 replies 6 reposts 58 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

DC Pierson's avatar DC Pierson @dcpierson.bsky.social
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I’m not the stepdad, I’m the dad who stepped in a pit disguised with branches and leaves by my uncountable stepchildren, whose laughter draws closer as night falls

1 replies 25 reposts 253 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

π™±πšŠπš‹πšŽ πšƒπš›πšžπšπš‘'s avatar π™±πšŠπš‹πšŽ πšƒπš›πšžπšπš‘ @unfitz.bsky.social
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Saw an AI fireworks show and a guy lost all 7 fingers on one hand.

22 replies 438 reposts 1605 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Buying one of these for everyone here

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Hear me out: replace Joe with Hunter. Can keep all the same campaign posters etc

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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They also believe that if anything bad happens, they will be able to buy their way out of it, and that it is their God given right to do so

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Flonase: when you're ready for your nose to pour blood instead of snot

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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There's better Detroit pizza than Jet's but not very easy to find. I therefore second this recommendation. Use caution if you are prone to acid reflux!

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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The amount of psychic damage incurred in the past week alone is just fucking staggering. Would kill a Victorian child etc

1 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Hmm... Does at least one of the characters suffer an alarming facial injury?

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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I realized I was applying moisturizer wrong like a week ago and now my skin feels... good??

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Eric Allen Hatch's avatar Eric Allen Hatch @ericallenhatch.bsky.social
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me reaching the halfway point in a pint of ben and jerry’s

7 replies 44 reposts 270 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Vicky Johnson-Dahl's avatar Vicky Johnson-Dahl @vickyjohnsondahl.bsky.social
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"no, I'm not related to Trent, but I am a big industrial fan"

31 replies 315 reposts 1252 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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This will continue until lessons are learned

2 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Probably was better than it is now. Here's with flash for detail

2 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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This is the single worst meal I've ever ordered from a restaurant. Those brown chunks are supposed to be pork chops. The fries are tough and chewy and I don't even know how you'd do that??

1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

The Onion's avatar The Onion @theonion.com
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* No candidate may climb the chain link enclosure for any purpose. * Each candidate can ask moderators for up to three hints to get them through some of the really hard questions. * Pull the trigger once, then pass the revolver.

11 replies 90 reposts 441 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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A lot of people like to say "we don't deserve dogs" but I do. I deserve dogs.

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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Bet that was really satisfying though

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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I'd love to know how anyone is supposed to function in politics without being in a non-stop Ayahuasca binge

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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I think it's cute when gas stations think people have brand loyalty. The most thought I ever put into it is "oh, here is gas"

1 replies 0 reposts 11 likes

Alicia Kraft's avatar Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social
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I just saw a fox in the damn alley! It caught a rat!!!

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes