Phil's avatar

Phil

@geowizzacist.bsky.social

93 followers 75 following 205 posts

Another day another bio. He/him. Ally. Satellitefish some places, geowizzacist others.

Reposted by Phil

Shade 5's avatar Shade 5 @shade5.bsky.social
[ View ]

You don’t scare me. You’re not a rotisserie chicken from Walmart.

5 replies 43 reposts 100 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Ok, two things that exist. Doubt and something else, possibly ice cream. ~later, salivating at 40 different flavours of gelato and sorbet at the ice cream shop~ -I’ll have one scoop of each flavour please. Cone.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And not something boring, like the existence of an absolute abstract concept. Like, say, doubt. Doubt? Really? Does doubt even exist? Pu-leeze. Wait. Hmmm.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

So everyone can rest easy tonight. Something exists. Not sure what though. I hope it was something good, like ice cream.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

I accidentally deleted a carefully worded paragraph proving the existence of something but I can’t for the life of me remember what that something was. Is.

1 replies 2 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

So everyone can rest easy tonight. Something exists. Not sure what though. I hope it was something good, like ice cream.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

So everyone can rest easy tonight. Something exists. Not sure what though. I hope it was something good, like ice cream.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Phil

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~later~ So I got distracted by an email from my pharmacy requesting I give them all my money in exchange for a lot more things that I would normally have received if I had normally just given them all my money. They call them specials.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Maybe evolution will listen to our petitions and install some of these useful features that we desperately need. Perhaps we should use one of those petition websites to spearhead this. Change dot thingo?

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Might need a timer mechanism on that one. Also we should be able to switch stuff off too. Headache? Click! Ahh. Not enjoying what's on the tv? Click! Eyes shut!

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

How dare I not feel in the mood! We should've evolved with switches dammit. Not motivated? Click. Motivated! Not happy? Click. Happy! Can't sleep? Click. Asleep!

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Phil

lalalyds's avatar lalalyds @lalalyds.bsky.social
[ View ]

Was there ever any greater joy than inside recess on a rainy day

4 replies 27 reposts 57 likes

Reposted by Phil

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

So, upon reflection, the magician tablets are good but what I really need is a wizard tablet. One that works some real magic and not just stage tricks. C'mon science. These rabbits suck.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

There is a moment of silence as rabbit eight snuffles the air and is then blasted upwards as four hundred more rabbits are ejected out of the hat, filling up my guts with rabbitty goodness.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Behind them, rabbits five, six and seven spout out of the hat into the air as rabbit number eight tentatively pokes its head out.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

The first rabbit hops out of the hat onto the floor while a third and fourth rabbit push their way past the second rabbit. The three of them tumble out and land on the floor too.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

With a twinkle in his eye, the magician waves the wand around in the air and a rabbit pokes its head out of the magician's hat. A moment later, a second rabbit head emerges behind the first one.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

*Swallows pill* Go on little tablet, work your magic. ~later~ *deep inside my gut, the recently swallowed pill cracks open. Out of it emerges a tiny little magician holding a magic wand and a hat.*

1 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Phil

chris.'s avatar chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social
[ View ]

I keep hoping blood will come from my pores, but all I seem to be able to secrete is toilet bowl cleaner.

2 replies 34 reposts 57 likes

Reposted by Phil

chris.'s avatar chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social
[ View ]

All my library holds came in at once so I am off on stress leave and taking all feedings through a tube for the next three weeks.

1 replies 31 reposts 84 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~earlier~ What did the human being say when they grabbed a fresh piece of toilet paper, blew their nose on it, and then flushed it down the loo? "You're welcome." Such a human thing to do.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

…so all the layers are squished and turned into this elastic-looking thing but is hard as rock because it’s a rock and of course someone has come along, carved into a cube and now there's a statue of some dude with a hat on it like whoa inflated sense of worth much?

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~earlier~ And then you look at a rock and you can see the original layers of sediment that were deposited and were buried and forgotten and then some pressure from, like, plate tectonics or something have squeezed the rock…

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~earlier~ It's the fine line between the truth and fiction (it has to be true... but maybe a little skewed is fine), and another fine line between silly and just plain wrong. And where these fine lines meet there’s a portal to another universe. It's full of so much <redacted>

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

That was close I nearly wrote this with a pen and paper. Much quicker this way, he says, deleting every second character but accidently pressing delete one too many times and goes back in time woohoo literature time machine wheee

1 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~later~ *using scissors to cut out a "Have you seen Jeeves" sticker*

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

~later~ Ok maybe I should just use scissors. Then the shape will be just right. Also I have scissors. Everyone has scissors. Wouldn't get far through life without scissors. Jeeves! My scissors!

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

…and some fancy sticker paper and one of those knives that either cuts through both the sticker bit and the paper underneath or it doesn't quite cut through the sticker bit so you can't get the sticker out properly. Where to find one of them? To the cheaparium!

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Perhaps I'll make stickers. Everyone loves stickers. Sticker here, stickers there, stickers up your nose, stickers in your hair. Sticker songs! Stickers everywhere! I need a printer…

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by Phil

bacon popsicle 🫀's avatar bacon popsicle 🫀 @gupton68.bsky.social
[ View ]

I started off my new fitness regime this morning with a run. It isn’t the only mistake I’ve made this week, but it’s certainly the biggest. On the other hand however, hospital food’s much tastier than I expected.

1 replies 34 reposts 78 likes

Reposted by Phil

Cap’n Watsisname's avatar Cap’n Watsisname @capnwatsisname.bsky.social
[ View ]

Urgently asking a different flight attendant if I can announce when you look to our left there’s a cloud shaped like my cat when she’s asleep.

0 replies 70 reposts 291 likes

Reposted by Phil

chris.'s avatar chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social
[ View ]

I don't really feel like I have a lot on offer for the people in my life anymore, apart from misery or a topical infection.

3 replies 25 reposts 50 likes

Reposted by Phil

chris.'s avatar chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social
[ View ]

I am concerned for my mental health. Are you concerned for my mental health? Let's turn this concerned for my mental health house into a concerned for my mental health home.

3 replies 26 reposts 59 likes

Reposted by Phil

🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊's avatar 🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊 @professorkiosk.bsky.social
[ View ]

*as the fortune teller is about to lay down the last tarot card* me: YOU DIDN'T SAY UNO

1 replies 25 reposts 66 likes

Reposted by Phil

CrazyMyra's avatar CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social
[ View ]

Big "not my circus, not my monkeys" vibe towards this app these days.

4 replies 22 reposts 56 likes

Reposted by Phil

Twin Dad's avatar Twin Dad @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Me: Ugh, your grammar is terrible Friend: I don’t know, it feels good when she takes out her dentures

0 replies 6 reposts 9 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And signs that say weird dream things like big lollypop ahead and spaghetti on road. Wait. Are dreams a byproduct of consciousness? GASP. ~later~ (me, writing on one of those massive blackboards in a lecture hall): SUGAR = DREAMS.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Roads are made of dreams. They don't put that in the textbooks but it's there plain for everyone to see. Lumpy bitumen dreams. With lines painted on them.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

Watching all the kids run along behind me, picking up all the goodies. They'd wave to me as if to say "hey thanks for all the cool stuff" or "your back door is open and everything's falling out” or “I have questions.” Oh you kids. Plus I'd get to beep the horn. One can dream.

1 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And there might not even be a truck. Wait, is there a truck? Trucks exist, right? Right. I wonder if I could drive a truck. That'd be cool. Driving a big truck with sugar and apples and questions falling off the back.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And if they are a byproduct of the Universe then I wonder if they are a healthy byproduct like an apple off the back of a truck or are they an unhealthy byproduct like a box of sugar that fell off the back of a truck?

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

I've been thinking about this and I'm beginning to think that questions exist. But not as matter. More like questions are a byproduct of consciousness…

1 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

*pops a melatonin* back in MY day- *falls asleep*

1 replies 12 reposts 35 likes

Reposted by Phil

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And despite the urge to use my middle finger to type in protest, early experiments show an increased rates of spelling mistakes and slower type rate. So GO YOU INDEX FINGER YOU RIPPER GO GO GO

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Phil's avatar Phil @geowizzacist.bsky.social
[ View ]

And in the meantime I’ll just get used to using my index finger to type this stuff out and answer the phone and check emails and do pretty much EVERYTHING because CAPITALISM RULES US.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes