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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Thank you, sir.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Twin Dad@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social |
755 followers 706 following 2949 posts
I love Peeps, Miracle Whip, Pepsi, pineapple on pizza, and bleu cheese. I'm basically perfect.
My dumb jokes: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:svme5pcm35w2kjzvtqjfe6pz/feed/aaae4clm6s64m
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Thank you, sir.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
💁♂️
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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dugglebutt
@dugglebutt.bsky.social
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Whoever wrote Take Me Out to the Ballgame was a very demanding person
1 replies 8 reposts 27 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Her labia tattoo didn't make sense until I folded it like those Mad Magazine pictures.
3 replies 20 reposts 53 likes
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Ygrene ✔️
@ygrene.bsky.social
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[showing my wife a video clip that i want her to love and cherish just as much as i do] babe look how dumb this is
1 replies 16 reposts 62 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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I’m sorry driving a Jeep™️ is 97% of your personality.
4 replies 31 reposts 66 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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I was honored to be elected president of Breast Worshippers International until I learned it was only a titular position.
2 replies 8 reposts 26 likes
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Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
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Funnily enough, it was my childhood fascination with the electronic board game, “Operation” that led to my career selling electronic board games.
1 replies 8 reposts 20 likes
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Surprised Face Guy
@surprisedface.bsky.social
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Wellness Check: Are you trapped in a well or a well like structure?
0 replies 4 reposts 6 likes
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Busted Flip Flops
@grillinchillin9.bsky.social
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People who design casino/hotel carpets clearly have the best drugs on earth.
3 replies 6 reposts 22 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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Ice cream with hot dog pieces call that a glizzard
2 replies 11 reposts 31 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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69 is terrible. You know it. I know it. Everyone knows it. 0<9 is way better and it’s a full on equation.
0 replies 3 reposts 5 likes
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Kip Conlon
@kipconlon.bsky.social
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Replying with curt, “this you?” then posting screen shot of their header.
0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes
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Violetmusing🧚🏼♀️
@violetmusing.bsky.social
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Can't right now, have to do this ultimate sitting routine.
1 replies 5 reposts 11 likes
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Jack
@wakeupangry.bsky.social
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I’ve had better decades
1 replies 20 reposts 41 likes
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Skip “Skippy” Skipperson
@yippyskippy.bsky.social
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“Hey, you got boob sweat in my ball sweat!” “Hey, you got ball sweat in my boob sweat!”
0 replies 3 reposts 7 likes
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Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
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If I ran a business , I would refuse service to all kinds of people, not to discriminate, just because I'm lazy.
0 replies 6 reposts 15 likes
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Boy Shop Pot
@potshopboy.bsky.social
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*dropping through your ceiling and crashing through your desk* are you mad at me?
1 replies 31 reposts 74 likes
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d.ly
@dly.bsky.social
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[Eminem's rap battle opponent] nice vomit on your sweater, did your mom make it for you?
5 replies 37 reposts 147 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Very cool - how’d you make a totally blank post?
1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Lizzy 💫
@stonedeva.bsky.social
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Just noticed my vehicle registration sticker is crooked. Guess I'll be ubering from now on
1 replies 18 reposts 45 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Tevye was right. If I were a rich man, I too would ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum. And I would totally biddy biddy bum all day long.
1 replies 3 reposts 14 likes
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Dani Pennsylvania
@daniellie.bsky.social
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It'd be so cool if they'd rename fucking Lynchburg.
0 replies 1 reposts 9 likes
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Marc
@runoldman.bsky.social
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I know I'm totally fucked up, but at least I can fucking laugh at myself.
1 replies 24 reposts 32 likes
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Ashley, 69th of Her Name
@ashleysays.bsky.social
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Me: who the fuck is cutting grass this early?! [looks outside] Me: oh it’s my lawn guy. You do you boo!
1 replies 4 reposts 16 likes
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Coach Rusty
@coachrusty.bsky.social
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Thank you for calling me a valuable resource boss I was afraid you’d started seeing me as a person
1 replies 50 reposts 196 likes
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Splendid Hobo
@splendidhobo.bsky.social
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just to be clear, that's not really my dick, that's an eggplant
1 replies 17 reposts 33 likes
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SpookyRockyMountainOysters👻
@instantghosts.bsky.social
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For the longest time I thought Mr. Beast was a children's show about animals, and I'm going to continue thinking that bc in my head it is very whimsical and delightful
0 replies 3 reposts 10 likes
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Boy Shop Pot
@potshopboy.bsky.social
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a porn streaming site called Nutflix is this a thing
8 replies 35 reposts 89 likes
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Jimmer Cork-Bottle
@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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This day in history. 1925. Guru Meher Baba began 44 years of silence during which he communicated solely by means of a squeaky rubber ducky.
2 replies 18 reposts 39 likes
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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
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Sorry your boyfriend thinks the clitoris is the chamber in which a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly.
12 replies 54 reposts 158 likes
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Minister of Loneliness
@steamymac.bsky.social
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Settle down, lady, I was checking out your dog, not you.
0 replies 36 reposts 77 likes
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Dani Pennsylvania
@daniellie.bsky.social
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Trying to lose some weight so I’m watching the documentary on the Jerry Falwell Jr. sex scandal.
1 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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d.ly
@dly.bsky.social
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sorry i asked if the photo of your kid was “that fucked up AI stuff”
18 replies 184 reposts 722 likes
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Molly
@bettyriot.bsky.social
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I can still drop it like it’s hot but I’m going to need a second to get back up
4 replies 34 reposts 117 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Every judge: you need more seasoning
0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
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Every chef talking about their culinary style on Food Network: I like to put a modern twist on classic dishes with fresh, exciting ingredients.
4 replies 14 reposts 80 likes
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Seamus O'Flaugherty
@seamussaid.bsky.social
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there should be a german word for the feeling genx gets when they are grooving out to a song on college radio and their kid's inform them it's from a popular video game
0 replies 3 reposts 10 likes
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Auntie Social
@auntiesocial.bsky.social
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If Prince's 1999 were released today, it would be called 2041.
4 replies 8 reposts 44 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Just Call Me Amanda🐈⬛🐈⬛
@amandabf.bsky.social
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Not to dispel the fantasy or anything, but the sweat situation under my boobs has reached disaster proportions and FEMA may be required.
3 replies 11 reposts 26 likes
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DB
@rebelliousdb.bsky.social
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The patio door can be wide open, yet heat inside the house and refreshing evening coolness outside refuse to mingle due to spite.
2 replies 4 reposts 11 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
😃
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Fulkery, A Thing Within Stuff
@fulkery.bsky.social
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You can only keep talking during the storm if you hush when the wind, rain, or thunder really picks up.
0 replies 4 reposts 5 likes
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Uncle Kermit
@unclekermit.bsky.social
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Something I will never say is, "My Mochaccino!" as it spills all over my crotch. I'll think it, but I'll never say it.
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Twin Dad
@twinsurvivalist.bsky.social
[ View ] |
🎶 More bourbon! 🎶 (to the tune of “Tequila”)
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes