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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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jesus: wait does this body bag make my ass look fat?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊@professorkiosk.bsky.social |
797 followers 457 following 4300 posts
Not to brag, but my therapist says I’m their dream client
🏳️🌈 He/him
My Stuff: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:plpviiolyyfxmopm6cqloy2b/feed/aaaixp73zpsx6
Bangers: bsky.app/profile/did:plc:plpviiolyyfxmopm6cqloy2b/feed/aaajqswcg7w2k
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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jesus: wait does this body bag make my ass look fat?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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andy
@bugay.bsky.social
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me: you should get a cross body bag jesus:
1 replies 2 reposts 3 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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If you meet the Christ on the road, kill him, because that ain't no Jesus.
2 replies 3 reposts 6 likes
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Marisa Kabas
@marisakabas.bsky.social
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christian rock is so funny bc they’re all singing about being in love with the same guy
37 replies 90 reposts 842 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Well, I do have shoulder pain because of some calcification of the tendon, so maybe I'm closer than I think?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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They were cool dudes (no women, unfortunately)
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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I have the injuries for no discernable reason, but not the surgery under full anesthesia, so yay me?
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Would you die if I said I have never seen any Rocky movies?
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Luckily, no
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Oh it was very much a seated event
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Going to see an 80s tribute band called The Spicolis tonight. Is this what being old feels like?
11 replies 15 reposts 47 likes
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connectpoliticditto.
@cpoliticditto.bsky.social
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I hope Betsy DeVos gets the Karz 4 Kidz song stuck in her head this weekend.
2 replies 2 reposts 14 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
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You can have high tea with the princes and queens or you can have low tea with the rats and the gnats, these are your only two choices.
2 replies 22 reposts 44 likes
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SpatialKimtamine
@kimmalien.bsky.social
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The amount of ppl blocking me is becoming excessive wtf did I ever do to you losers?
19 replies 20 reposts 91 likes
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Hat
@hatthebutcher.bsky.social
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Celebrate the fourth of July by completing the rituals that keeps Georgia Washingtons vengeful spirt sealed in the Washington Obelisk
2 replies 9 reposts 35 likes
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Boog
@boogtweets.bsky.social
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[taking a urine test] Me: well? Doctor: impressive, but it’s not for distance.
0 replies 7 reposts 24 likes
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MF FairyPrincessSmoo
@smooheed.bsky.social
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13 The maximum number of times you can use the word moist during a call before they refuse to deliver pizza to your house
1 replies 22 reposts 62 likes
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Katie
@themilkwitch.bsky.social
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Please think of the dogs this 4th. Like mine, who wanted to open a fireworks stand, but the city will not grant him a permit
10 replies 62 reposts 314 likes
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minkitypinkity ❤️
@minkitypinkity.bsky.social
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my cat is a cryptid
0 replies 5 reposts 8 likes
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Little Greenis
@durtmchurtt.bsky.social
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Surely we could have found newer kids on the block by now.
0 replies 4 reposts 9 likes
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TuSoon Shakur
@tusoonshakur.bsky.social
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Mario [breaking up with Peach] itsa not you
0 replies 18 reposts 69 likes
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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺
@patnspankme.bsky.social
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no seriously, I’ll believe you if you say it with even more conviction lmao
2 replies 42 reposts 63 likes
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mr. cannoli
@boner.ink
[ View ] |
it's so easy to not have heroes just don't admire anything anyone does ever dummy
1 replies 7 reposts 47 likes
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James
@tarnation.bsky.social
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Why’s it called a drug store when it could be a pharmers market
2 replies 24 reposts 95 likes
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Stew
@stewnami.bsky.social
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I keep Taco Bell sauce packets in my pocket instead of a pocket square
0 replies 5 reposts 6 likes
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blank
@misterblank.bsky.social
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always like to put food toward the outside of the microwave plate. let it go for a little ride.
0 replies 10 reposts 39 likes
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chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
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OOH, YOU CAN DANCE, YOU CAN KNIFE FLAYING YOU WITHIN AN INCH OF YOUR LIFE OOH, SEE THAT GIRL, WATCH THAT CRIME SCENE DIGGING THE KNIFING QUEEN
3 replies 28 reposts 62 likes
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Coach Rusty
@coachrusty.bsky.social
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Grandma still thinks LOL means lots of love and it’s like lmao learn to google you dumb bitch
3 replies 23 reposts 72 likes
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Raquel Squelch
@raquelsquelch.bsky.social
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Call a bowl a bowl? Off with their feet I'd say in my queenest of ways and it's fingers for diamonds but as queen of clubs run off with their sandwiches oh for hearts sake I'd just eat them
0 replies 28 reposts 43 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Prevents all sorts of trouble
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Hey! Thanks Andy 🥰 😘
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Jason, ex Inferis
@benedictsred.bsky.social
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Criss Angel is just David Copperfield for people who never met their father.
2 replies 33 reposts 94 likes
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Holly Brolightly
@hollyholightly.bsky.social
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sure, you can DM me D(on’t)M(essage) me
5 replies 8 reposts 30 likes
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Rem.
@scooter235432.bsky.social
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When you bust a nut, make sure to yell out. " That's a spicy meatball!!!"
0 replies 4 reposts 7 likes
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Del the Funky Actuary
@mcnugget.bsky.social
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I gotta admit thematically it’s perfect that the America holiday is the one that’s super loud and annoying and half of people fucking dread
0 replies 3 reposts 9 likes
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Coach Rusty
@coachrusty.bsky.social
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What if I drank 10 different alcohols in the name of freedom then what
10 replies 23 reposts 80 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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This one gets it ☝️
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
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PRO TIP: if your firework doesn’t go off shoot it with your gun
1 replies 27 reposts 110 likes
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🅿️rofessor Kiosk 💊
@professorkiosk.bsky.social
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Gaslighting people into thinking it’s always been spelled “shartreuse”
3 replies 9 reposts 44 likes
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gas statіon dream gіrl
@cheygoulet.bsky.social
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Should I eat two cheeseburgers? I think America would want me to.
30 replies 45 reposts 389 likes
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slop enjoyer
@slop.guru
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ur celebrating ur god that’s so embarrassing
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
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Frances Meh
@francesmeh.reviews
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1 replies 6 reposts 40 likes
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Rob Cee
@robcee.bsky.social
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Celebrating independence day with baseball, Budweiser, and missionary sex with the lights out just like the founders intended.
0 replies 6 reposts 14 likes
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Wicked Ho
@nicebutnot.bsky.social
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The year is 2024. Nobody can afford meat. Women are only for breeding now. There’s an appeal to heaven flag at your obgyn office. A door fell off an airplane and killed your dog. Happy Independence Day
25 replies 167 reposts 620 likes
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MyNameIsJeff🙋🏻♂️
@lacroixboi.lol
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may the fourth hotdog be the one that brings you fullness
1 replies 22 reposts 46 likes
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Normal Pru
@prufrockluvsong.bsky.social
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Level of hot today: the devil's butthole
1 replies 12 reposts 34 likes
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Pot Shop Boy
@potshopboy.bsky.social
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Never mind fireworks being a huge waste of money, but people who set them off during the day... uh, what.
5 replies 14 reposts 46 likes
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Rev. Dr. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof
@2tickytacky.bsky.social
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Earlier we were arguing about which uncle liked them smothered and chunked. It was either the one who ended up in traction trying to put his pants on over his shoes or the one who accidentally walked in front of a train.
3 replies 24 reposts 33 likes
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Rick Schmelz
@rickschmelz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
One of the very first shitposters.
1 replies 4 reposts 10 likes
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fungible thadius🍥
@fungiblethadius.bsky.social
[ View ] |
René Deshart
0 replies 3 reposts 8 likes