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Ersatz Cliff@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social |
94 followers 75 following 500 posts
Sad, bad, and inconsequential to know
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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My Polisci PhD (& thus hopefully wrong) prediction: Biden will be the nominee. There’s no way out unless he steps aside, which he won’t do not because of senility but rather vanity. (If you haven’t noticed, narcissism is a requirement to become president). A brokered convention in 2024 is impossible
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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if that de-aging tech guy who wants to create a puritanical utopia (where there’s no alcohol or junk food or any other vice) were clever, he’d call it “mather++”
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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dog in the pool #DogInThePool
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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kindly Mountie in 2030 AD: “sure, I’d be happy to help you seek refuge from the Margaritaville National Christian Junta! Just come step across the border and—wait a sec, my phone just buzzed…” (an informant sends him a series of tweets from 2014 where I refer to his beautiful country as “JV USA”).
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Perfected a new cocktail. I call it, “Shirt on the Beach.” It’s mostly flour
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Jon Tayler (Jon Tayler’s Version)
@jontayler.bsky.social
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Unfathomably cursed object
7 replies 3 reposts 32 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I don’t think CBT would ever work on me because my inner self-talk is just Statler and Waldorf. They can easily outwit any evidence-based cognitive reframing techniques
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Grocery cashier: Do you want your candy bar left out of the bag? I know you’re thinking about it. Betcha can’t wait till you get back to the car for your little treat, mister snack man Me: um………yes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Chick-fil-A: Cows aren’t very bright, so if they talked they’d probably says stuff like “Eat Mor Chikin” “Aww…you’re sweet!” Gary Larson: Cows aren’t very bright, so if they made tools they’d look kind of crude “Hello…Human Resources?!?!”
1 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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when it comes to ragtime standards with a name that sounds like a Canadian tabloid, you gotta go with The Maple Leaf Rag every time
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Ed Zitron
@zitron.bsky.social
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RFK perpetually looks like you just kicked open the door of a toilet stall he was sitting in
18 replies 37 reposts 491 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Unless it’s about a blotto Orson Welles struggling in vain to pronounce the name of some discount wine brand in a seventies commercial outtake, I don’t care what “hawk tua” is
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Hardy plants
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Can’t wait till Marc Andreessen buys Geek Squad and renames it Geek Squadrismo, now his personal paramilitary force that—wielding wired PS/2 mice like nunchucks—crushes all dissent
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Comics in the Golden Age
@comicsinthega.bsky.social
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8 replies 211 reposts 702 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Need to eat more pixie sticks at breakfast as self-care
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I feel tired all the time despite drinking two pots of harsh black coffee every day. Wonder what that’s about
1 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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God invented Barstool to punish New England for its iniquity, and deprive its scions of their fortunes through ill-considered same-game parlays
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Not saying I’m ignorant of twentieth century First Amendment adjudication, but I do think that “Lemon v. Kurtzman” was Mad Magazine’s irreverent take on the Ford Edsel
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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The only thing for which I’m grateful to Silicon Valley is that it normalized dressing and looking like a schlubby slob in most public settings. My plaid is formalwear now
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nathan
@wiseposter.bsky.social
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summoning a stone golem to smash out my sore muscles
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Ace Discourse
@vinceness.bsky.social
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lets roll his bones on out here
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Bernie (from Weekend at Bernie’s) would win…
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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(after a childhood of being told that I’d have to become a mature, emotionally regulated, disciplined liberal subject lest I fail/be “unprepared for the real world,” only for meme culture to take over the real world & for grownups to regress into infantile madness the second I reached adulthood) lol
1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I may not ever have a C suite job, but at least I can put “C sweet experience” on my resume (got mediocre grades at confectionary college)
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WildGorillaMan
@wildgorillaman.bsky.social
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Urgente: Gato
21 replies 1137 reposts 3677 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I bring out these headphones when I browse NextDoor to feel like the guy from The Lives of Others
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Nurbsy
@nurbsy.bsky.social
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An image of you and of me and we're laughing, we're paving it all
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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the grizzled paving crew outside my window is listening to Thompson Twins - Hold Me Now
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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There will be a correction in a few years when managers realize LLMs are a false promise, and several industries face a severe staffing crisis as they suddenly need qualified candidates but have spent the last decade eliminating entry-level positions and neglecting even the bare minimum job training
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lookcaitlin
@lookcaitlin.bsky.social
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#1987 rb.gy/xm2atp
11 replies 205 reposts 827 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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As an irreverent young gamer, I used to make fun of mom/dad cars. Today, I possess zero gaming consoles, but do own a practical subcompact vehicle marketed exclusively to drivers 60+. Guess I have incurred “Yaris Revenge…”
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Coach Finstock
@coachfinstock.bsky.social
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When AOL and Prodigy started taking off in the early 90s, our neighbor bought a bunch of cement slab and busted it up and sold it online as "Real Pieces of the Berlin Wall" and "Real Pieces of the Great Wall of China" and that guy realized what the internet was gonna be before everyone else
35 replies 496 reposts 2696 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Seemed (or seems; don’t know what his condition is now, and even his close friends don’t seem entirely sure) like a really nice guy too; modest in spite of his absurd talent & had a day job as a programmer. I remember thinking a while ago “what ever happened to him?” & was gutted when I saw the news
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I miss him. I have something of a tin ear but the video where he sight-reads Korobeiniki (which he had never seen/heard before in his life) and then improvises jazz phrasing is one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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did you immanentize the eschaton, playboy?
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Thank you!!! Had a rough day but think I might’ve started to turn the corner (if I haven’t reached the beginning of the end, I hope to at least be at the end of the beginning). Hope you are doing well!
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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currently afflicted with nature’s Ozempic (severe food poisoning)
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Ladies call me “The Incorrigible Dirigible” because of my ruinous and treatment-resistant steampunk addiction
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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While you were foolishly perusing the precocious career milestones of those in lists of 30 under 30, I was busy modeling the piety of the elect by forgiving my enemies’ sins at a rate of 70 times 7.
1 replies 1 reposts 5 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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The question “why is it called ‘dry cleaning’ when the fabrics are treated with liquid solvents?” popped into my head and I’ve been sitting at my desk like this for the last ten minutes
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patrick
@partnardy.bsky.social
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holy shit Richard dude I’ve got crazy news…you made the cover of Watergate magazine this month
15 replies 120 reposts 786 likes
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Thanks for the invite but, sorry, I don’t think I can make the wedding. I have a violent case of dysentery. Regrettably, I opened and ingested the contents of “The Can of Whoopass: Operation Iraqi Freedom Edition” I bought at CPAC ‘04 as a gag gift to myself. Don’t think it was sealed properly…
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I didn’t have a great start in life. A 90s cinephile midwife brought me into the world via Sözerian section…
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I used to laugh at people of my parents’ generation calling console titles like Mega Man “Mario games,” but I just tried to refer to Snow Patrol in conversation and it came out as “Paw Patrol.” Circle of life…
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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I appreciate that they turned Aran Ryan from “Irish boxer” to “insane leprechaun who self-soothes by punching himself with horseshoes”
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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this is what 28-year-olds looked like in 1994
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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THE BREWPUB OF WORMS “Another beer, sir?” “Here I stand: I can have another…”
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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Finally found a provider that’s in my health insurance plan’s network
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Ersatz Cliff
@ersatz-cliff.bsky.social
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While you were foolishly exploring the Italian-American mythos by watching 1970s Hollywood blockbusters (Genco Balboa), I was sagely expanding my mental powers with the extract of an ancient gymnosperm (ginkgo biloba)
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes