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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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You call this fun? I’ve been dealing with banana peels and scrubbing the stench of monkey turds out of this barrel all week.
0 replies 2 reposts 5 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt@lordratsquirt.bsky.social |
554 followers 1150 following 625 posts
Screenwriter/co-creator/showrunner for the upcoming TLC series What the F*** is this S***? and Lifetime Network's Pet Waste Makeover. 🇺🇦
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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You call this fun? I’ve been dealing with banana peels and scrubbing the stench of monkey turds out of this barrel all week.
0 replies 2 reposts 5 likes
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Woodrow Peel 🆗🆒
@woodyluvscoffee.bsky.social
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The 80's were wild. There were houses in the middle of the street.
9 replies 33 reposts 81 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Hungry are the hippos, for they shall inherit the spheres.
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Farting in an elevator brings joy on so many levels.
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Attorney-client privilege ought to mean my counsel handles my dry cleaning runs.
0 replies 4 reposts 10 likes
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DocAtCDI
@docatcdi.bsky.social
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What do you call Iron Man without out his suit? Stark, Naked
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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heiðrún
@harpy.party
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I wonder if I could chew my way out of an enclosure
0 replies 5 reposts 17 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Don't be uncivilized. Make sure the poo is gently nestled in the bowl before you flush the toilet.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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TheeBoneDaddy
@theebonedaddy.bsky.social
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I now have five (5) joints made of titanium. Five. I believe that now I am officially worth more as scrap.
1 replies 1 reposts 7 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The French election looks like it will result in cohabitation. This is where two opposing parties have to govern together, but they can still sleep with Luxemburg on the side.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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I caused a riot at a Magic the Gathering tournament when I whipped out a deck of Deal-a-Meal cards.
0 replies 2 reposts 4 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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My favorite grain-based porn is barley legal.
0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Joseph Christ: the original cuck.
1 replies 4 reposts 5 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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1, 3, 7, 9…I like my numbers like I like my Optimus.
0 replies 3 reposts 4 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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There is nothing quite as sweet as finding luncheon meat on a toilet seat.
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The more I think about Power Rangers, the more I think crime fighting heroes should wear helmets—head trauma is no joke.
0 replies 3 reposts 12 likes
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Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
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i forgot to buy fireworks so im just burning a pile of money
4 replies 27 reposts 88 likes
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debbshock
@debbshock.bsky.social
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hotdogs are made of unusable animal scraps, sweepings off the factory floor and workers that fell into the machines
10 replies 11 reposts 38 likes
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illumi
@illumi.me
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what this country could really use right now is a video montage of celebrities singing an uplifting classic in support of joe biden
6 replies 8 reposts 54 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Happy Birthday to the country that's one Metamucil away from total system failure.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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It appears the British electorate is preparing to throw the bums out and replace them with a shiny set of new bums.
1 replies 0 reposts 6 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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It's Independence Day, Mr. President, not in Depends® day, sir. Quick! Someone stop him before he gets to the Rose Garden!!!
0 replies 2 reposts 5 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The 4th of July: Celebrating another year of narrowly avoiding the inevitable.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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“Don't knock it until you've tried it” is the slogan of my door knocker store empire.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The greatest humor is toilet humor. The trick is getting touring comedians to agree to a bathroom gig.
0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The results of the French election look like it will result in cohabitation, which is like frenemies without benefits.
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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America: Still kicking, but mostly because of involuntary muscle spasms.
1 replies 5 reposts 17 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The French have learned through experience that the trick to a functioning cohabitation government is to properly label your food in the National Assembly's fridge.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The French election seems like it will result in cohabitation, which, to explain to the uninitiated, closely follows the storyline of every Three's Company episode.
0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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..to tickle him until he pees himself.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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I'm no legal scholar, but did the U.S Supreme Court's immunity decision just basically invite President Biden to send Seal Team 6 after Trump?
1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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A Canada Day snap poll shows Canadians would still take debate Biden over Trudeau.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Happy Canada Day! 🇨🇦 It's like Independence Day but instead of bombs bursting in air, the historical record proved conclusively it was Timbits.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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I missed the solipsist society's annual meeting.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Jim Davis is out of control and must be stopped.
2 replies 10 reposts 61 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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With the presidential debates behind us, I'm excited to talk about the highs and lows of Taylor's Eras tour.
0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Sitting here worrying about microplastics in my balls while chewing a Bic pen cap into an interesting shape.
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Making decisions never came easier than the period I worked at the U.S. Mint.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Whatever you've heard about duck vaginas, let me assure you, this mutilated unit tells no lies.
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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I added a full tube of Mentos to an expensive bottle of port. The result was a clumsy fiasco. PortMentos is not a good idea.
0 replies 5 reposts 12 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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♪ Why do turds suddenly appear, every time, from my rear? ♫
0 replies 2 reposts 6 likes
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drewtoothpaste
@drewtoothpaste.bsky.social
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at times like this, america needs The Steve® Tool
2 replies 3 reposts 40 likes
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Al Yankovic
@alyankovic.bsky.social
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A true artist and a truly sweet man. RIP, MM.
41 replies 288 reposts 3107 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Watching Biden debate was like seeing a beloved elderly chihuahua, disoriented and peeing in random corners of my house.
0 replies 3 reposts 4 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Post debate, Democrats are either looking for the door or a head-sized buckets of sand.
0 replies 2 reposts 2 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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The only time I am present is when I attempt to speak Spanish…because I have yet to learn another tense.
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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I know it sounds politically incorrect, but isn’t it Democrats who are red and Republicans who are blue?
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
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Poop may be number 2 but on this account, it is number 1.
0 replies 3 reposts 4 likes
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Klovar: foot fetishist
@klovar.cc
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i had a hoop installed on my car and got arrested for dunk driving
1 replies 4 reposts 10 likes