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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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strange women lying in ponds distributing swords actually sounds like a pretty decent alternative right now
5 replies 62 reposts 334 likes
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Janel Comeau@verybadllama.bsky.social |
2515 followers 200 following 426 posts
Writer, comedian, illustrator, blogger and international woman of mystery. Sworn enemy of the Swedish Yule Goat. Writer of jokes in The Beaverton and Cracked.
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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strange women lying in ponds distributing swords actually sounds like a pretty decent alternative right now
5 replies 62 reposts 334 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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you don't become old on your 30th birthday, you become old the first time you scroll past a high school picture of your friend on social media and then realize, with creeping horror, that you are actually looking at a recent photo of their teenage child
1 replies 9 reposts 49 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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"we never used to have all these women in their 30s suddenly getting diagnosed with ADHD" listen, I wouldn't have even noticed I have ADHD if I lived in an era where my doctor could ask if I want to lose 5lbs and then hand me enough amphetamines to see the face of God
47 replies 523 reposts 2394 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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live from the CNN presidential debate
0 replies 6 reposts 48 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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"it was just one really bad night" "if you really loved him, you wouldn't want him out there like this"
1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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the CNN post-debate discussion sounds like a family debating whether or not it's time to take away peepaw's keys
1 replies 0 reposts 16 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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every time the moderator tells Biden he has 40 seconds left she should probably clarify that that is not a medical estimate
0 replies 2 reposts 23 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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moderator: how will you address climate change? Trump: first of all, Joe Biden has been terrible with the blacks. We have great numbers with the blacks. Maybe the best ever. Biden: [wheezes like meemaw's 19-year-old blind Bichon trying to go home to God] Moderator: thank you
0 replies 4 reposts 31 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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it’s so important to remind young people that their lives won’t end at 30. their lives will end in a war fought over earth’s dwindling supplies of clean drinking water, probably when they’re like 28.
3 replies 17 reposts 97 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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true crime documentary narrator: how did this missing persons case go unsolved for more than 20 years? police officer: yeah so the family reported their daughter missing and then we told them that she was probably fine and didn't look for her at all
3 replies 25 reposts 144 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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my elderly Egyptian Uber driver happily informed me that he “supports the gays now” because he lives with a lesbian couple and “the husband lesbian is a better husband than I was”, happy pride everyone
93 replies 1182 reposts 6591 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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[slaps cybertruck] this baby can hold so many documents from my ex-wife’s lawyer in it
1 replies 12 reposts 100 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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[doing a Google search in 2012] having instant and reliable access to relevant websites is fine, but I’d really prefer to have all my questions answered by a deranged version of Microsoft Clippy that tells me to eat glue
17 replies 187 reposts 1156 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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I’ve been in Paris for 72 hours and I regret to report that walking 16,000 steps per day and complaining about things over 2-hour lunch breaks has immediately fixed my entire life
5 replies 13 reposts 285 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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thanks friend!
0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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I have eaten the brain that was in RFK Jr and which he was probably saving to run for President forgive me it was delicious and I am just a worm
5 replies 63 reposts 245 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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on second thought, I choose TWO bears
2 replies 8 reposts 71 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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I actually think you’d do fine in the asylum where they raised me. They picked a pretty good one, there were decent snacks.
0 replies 1 reposts 32 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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you've got a fast car I've got a plan to get us out of here but you drive a Cybertruck and the car keeps speeding as we scream in fear
8 replies 150 reposts 572 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
once upon a midnight dreary while I wandered, weak and weary over to a quaint and curious icebox door when I spotted what I had been craving the plums that you were probably saving for your breakfast, I am sure forgive me please, I do implore I ate those plums and nothing more
11 replies 203 reposts 812 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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having now seen a total eclipse I can confirm that if I had had even 20% less context for what was about to happen I would have immediately started throwing people into nearby volcanos
5 replies 13 reposts 90 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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important eclipse safety tips: - never look at an eclipse without eye protection - ensure your eclipse glasses are ISO 12312-2 certified - do not listen to the whispers of the faceless men who emerge during totality, they speak only lies - always supervise children closely
1 replies 8 reposts 61 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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starting a cleaning service for people with ADHD. I won’t be doing any of the actual cleaning, I’ll just be calling you at random times to tell you I’m on my way to your house and I’ll be there in about 45 minutes
11 replies 63 reposts 299 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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boy are you the New York City earthquake, because you’re making a pretty big deal out of something that lasted like 20 seconds
6 replies 58 reposts 438 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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[spends decades passing laws that will let companies put poison in the food] holy shit why is there so much poison in the food
0 replies 14 reposts 72 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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my mom asked my French husband his favourite type of cheese for the family cheese boards, thinking he'd maybe want some Brie, and now she has to hike into the hills of central France to retrieve a cheese aged for 28 days on a bed of rye straw in a specific village
3 replies 7 reposts 67 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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Nicola Coughlan (Clare) is currently 37 years old, and Siobhán McSweeney (Sister Michael) is 44. They would have been 35 and 42 when Derry Girls wrapped up in 2022.
2 replies 1 reposts 17 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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nothing has sold me on the “millennials are aging at a weird pace” theory more than the realization that these two actresses are only 7 years apart in age
3 replies 4 reposts 35 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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"I don't get why you set so many alarms" congrats on being able to rocket back to existence every morning but some of us have to be gradually raised from the depths like the remains of an ancient shipwreck being brought to the surface
4 replies 15 reposts 92 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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born too late to remember Princess Diana, born too early to grow up in a post-monarchy world, born at exactly the right time to start baseless internet rumors that the Princess of Wales has spent the last three months playing an incredibly long game of Dungeons and Dragons
0 replies 10 reposts 74 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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I got about 8 seconds into explaining the Kate Middleton situation to my French husband before he told me, in the Frenchest voice imaginable, "ah yes, that's why we decided not to have those sorts of people anymore"
5 replies 9 reposts 83 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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[Kate Middleton, 14 Mountain Dews deep into the most crippling World of Warcraft addiction of the 21st Century] just photoshop me into the picture, I'm in the middle of a raid
1 replies 17 reposts 95 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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reasons to abolish daylight savings time: 1. disrupts sleep cycles 2. creates unnecessary confusion 3. I am not an 18th-century wretch trying to conserve papa's precious stores of whale oil
0 replies 14 reposts 74 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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dorks on the internet: women refuse to even acknowledge men unless they're 6 feet tall with chiseled abs every woman I know: I would spit in my grandmother's eye for the opportunity to hand-feed Jack Black a single grape
34 replies 154 reposts 899 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
women who kind of look like Kate Middleton with the right pair of sunglasses on have the opportunity to do the funniest thing possible
3 replies 1 reposts 32 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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I’m very flattered that Google decided I am noteworthy enough to get a little explainer card when you Google me, but I’m wondering if it was entirely necessary to choose that photo
4 replies 3 reposts 61 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
dear diary, it has been 437 days since my husband disappeared under mysterious circumstances. alas, I am unable to inform the police, for I am a mere woman.
43 replies 303 reposts 1767 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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it’s okay, everyone, I’ve figured out where Kate Middleton is
0 replies 5 reposts 44 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
gather ‘round, children, I know nothing of your slang or your fashion but I will teach you how to grow many fine beets
0 replies 2 reposts 37 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I don’t need teenagers to think I’m cool, I need teenagers to think “that’s a lady who knows her way around a root vegetable garden” after the Collapse comes
1 replies 8 reposts 56 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Hallmark romantic comedy movies dramatically underestimate the difficulty of becoming a senior magazine editor in the big city and dramatically overestimate the difficulty of marrying Some Dude from your hometown
0 replies 8 reposts 61 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I make comics about the housing crisis and other modern-day joys at @allwitnobrevity on Instagram
0 replies 2 reposts 25 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
if you want a working stove at a reasonable price, I hope you’re prepared to live in the middle of a haunted bog
3 replies 8 reposts 34 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
once upon a midnight dreary while I wandered, weak and weary over to a quaint and curious icebox door when I spotted what I had been craving the plums that you were probably saving for your breakfast, I am sure forgive me please, I do implore I ate those plums and nothing more
11 replies 203 reposts 812 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
my city fires a cannon in the middle of town at exactly noon every day and every time it goes off the year is suddenly 1863 and I am keeping time with the sound of cannonfire, shrugging against the cold and counting off the days until my husband returns from the War
0 replies 4 reposts 39 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
sorry I missed your call, 95% of the calls I get are from robots trying to steal my credit card information so this entire method of communication is now dead to me
0 replies 19 reposts 72 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
justice for Amber Tuccaro, whose disappearance was treated so lightly by police that they released a press statement saying she was fine. her remains were found two years later and her case remains unsolved, despite her recording her killer's voice.
thehueandcry.com/amber-tuccaro
0 replies 1 reposts 23 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
true crime documentary narrator: how did this missing persons case go unsolved for more than 20 years? police officer: yeah so the family reported their daughter missing and then we told them that she was probably fine and didn't look for her at all
2 replies 20 reposts 89 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
[ View ] |
phone calls are all spam. emails are all spam. text messages are all spam. if you want to reach me, pin a note to my door with a jeweled dagger or don't waste my time.
19 replies 183 reposts 750 likes
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Janel Comeau
@verybadllama.bsky.social
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As a wise man once told me, gotta catch ‘em all
0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes