Wilde Thingy 's avatar

Wilde Thingy

@wildethingy.bsky.social

808 followers 147 following 338 posts

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Do you think in a parallel universe they just call it parking?

0 replies 1 reposts 11 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Whenever you're worried that your life has no meaning, just remember that every orchestra needs a bassoonist.

0 replies 4 reposts 11 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Thanks to autocorrect, I've just ordered an extra large pizzazz. There's nothing for me to do now except wait, terrified at the approaching sound of show tunes.

0 replies 2 reposts 15 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Foolproof

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Is there any way to tell a woman she has nice skin without her thinking you want to turn her into a jacket, especially one whose skin really would make a nice jacket?

1 replies 1 reposts 13 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I believe you ๐Ÿ˜

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Wilde Thingy

Tortilla the Hun's avatar Tortilla the Hun @midnitet0ker.bsky.social
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How well do you trust I've LEARNED TO USE THE FORCE, LUKE?! ๐Ÿ’€

0 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Other kids growing up wanted to be a cowboy or a spaceman. Me, I wanted to be a hippopotamus. And I've still got time.

1 replies 2 reposts 12 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I'm fine with your faith. It's your certainty I can't stand.

1 replies 16 reposts 37 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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A glory hole but for licking icing off strangers' cakes.

0 replies 16 reposts 33 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Somewhere in the vastness of the multiverse there must be the dumbest planet of them all. I wonder what they're like ๐Ÿ˜‚

3 replies 13 reposts 25 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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You'll feel much better about yourself if you ignore the advice in this post.

0 replies 5 reposts 20 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Women who orgasm ambiguously really ought to pick a noise. For example, like a microwave. You don't ever hear a guy asking a microwave if it's finished. That ping tells you all you need to know.

1 replies 1 reposts 15 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I'd love to meet aliens, as long as I can laugh at their funny shaped heads without fear of being enslaved or slaughtered.

1 replies 6 reposts 16 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I tried fitting in but I struggled to be that dull.

0 replies 39 reposts 80 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And God said, let there be light: and there was light. And God said let there be sunshine and moonlight and good times. And then God blamed it on the boogie.

0 replies 6 reposts 19 likes

Reposted by Wilde Thingy

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I spent years teaching myself to talk to the birds. Turns out, they're fucking idiots.

0 replies 2 reposts 11 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Fuck paying to get my penis enlarged, I'm saving to get my bladder enlarged so I can sleep through the night.

0 replies 8 reposts 35 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Broke my sex robot after I left the "just hug me" setting on maximum all night long.

0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Me *my life flashing before my eyes* meh.

0 replies 5 reposts 16 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I think I'm ready to start dating again. Please don't tell my wife.

1 replies 12 reposts 38 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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If I was a poltergeist, I'd totally give the people I was haunting handjobs at very embarrassing times. Like if the boss is round for lunch or whenever Gordon Ramsey is on TV.

0 replies 7 reposts 22 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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[the Savannah] Lion: "Why is that lion all on his own? And why is he wearing crocs?" Leslie Nielsen: "He has no pride. And he has no pride."

0 replies 9 reposts 25 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Rather than stare at screens all day, why not take time out to watch a beautiful sunset. You can find lots of great clips on YouTube.

0 replies 7 reposts 18 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Me: so I'm delusional? Doctor: yes. Me: and you're a delusion? Doctor: yes. Me: I want a second opinion. Pink Dragon: you're delusional.

0 replies 7 reposts 14 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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I always have a banana in my pocket so I can plausibly deny being pleased to see anyone.

0 replies 6 reposts 20 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Imagine waking up in hell and not realising right up until the point you see your reflection in the mirror and it's you but much older except it's you now and you really are that age and this isn't actually hell but your life. My coworker: Last time I ask you how you're doing.

2 replies 9 reposts 29 likes

Reposted by Wilde Thingy

Uncle Duke's avatar Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social
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me: cโ€™mon, donโ€™t be an asshole genie: what? you wanted a twelve inch- me: you know perfectly well what i said

1 replies 11 reposts 32 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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That weird sadistic, sociopathic thing you've got going on, well stop it! It's turning me on.

0 replies 4 reposts 11 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Recently learnt that it's easier to impress the girls at the Lord of The Rings convention with my slam dunks than it is to impress the girls at the basketball court with my perfect elvish calligraphy.

0 replies 9 reposts 23 likes

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Sweetie ฯ€'s avatar Sweetie ฯ€ @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
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I hope this email finds you cursed by Zeus, chained to a rock, and getting your liver devoured by an eagle

3 replies 20 reposts 62 likes

Reposted by Wilde Thingy

Viktor Winetrout's avatar Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
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Eating healthy is boring but it can extend your lifespan so basically there are no advantages

15 replies 306 reposts 1171 likes

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Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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My biggest childhood regret is not falling into a well full of bats.

2 replies 5 reposts 24 likes

Reposted by Wilde Thingy

Jimmer Cork-Bottle's avatar Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social
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I didn't mean any harm I meant a very specific one.

2 replies 56 reposts 122 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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My monolith brings all the druids to my yard.

0 replies 28 reposts 87 likes

Wilde Thingy 's avatar Wilde Thingy @wildethingy.bsky.social
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Fuck cloning dinosaurs. Let's clone Jesus and open the best fucking chain of wine bars ever.

1 replies 4 reposts 17 likes