Cheryl_NL's avatar

Cheryl_NL

@belovedsnail.bsky.social

1185 followers 985 following 8627 posts

reads, walks & occasionally eats. Likes conversations. Posts pictures of her pets. Designs retail formats. Mentor. Living in the Hague. She/her. 🇳🇱/🇺🇸 Opinions are my own.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I get that it is annoying to have your work dug up by dogs, but seriously! sense of perspective!

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I ripped them all up and I'm now thinking about writing a note for the volunteer.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I just took my dogs for a walk and some absolutely unhinged volunteer had protected their flowers around a lamp post by filling the ground around the flowers with sharp pointy sticks, pointed end up. So dangerous for kids and cats and at eye level for any dog who just wants to sniff.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I heard the Smiths for the first time on a college radio station and the station had request hour daily. I called in so many times for the Smiths that they made a special announcement that they would not honor any more requests for the Smiths and suggested we should not call in every day. lol

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Lux Alptraum לקס אלפטראום's avatar Lux Alptraum לקס אלפטראום @luxalptraum.com
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Feminism is a political philosophy about remaking society in such a way that people are no longer discriminated against due to gender. Individual aesthetic choices are neither feminist nor antifeminist, nor are they worth discussing.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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And as noted above, most of the predation stayed on the right side of the line. So what was to tell?

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Whisper networks happen when there is a real life consequence for speaking out loud. Two jobs ago there was a senior exec who preyed on interns. Everyone knew the company would not thank you for lifting it (even with proof) so the interns were protected and warned.

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mikevagomikevago's avatar mikevagomikevago @mikevago.bsky.social
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I can't find the Onion headline, but it was something like: New Beatles Documentary Shows How Yoko Broke Up Band by Sitting Quietly and Watching Them Fight

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Jim Zub's avatar Jim Zub @jimzub.bsky.social
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This photo is pure 2024.

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Dean Blobaum's avatar Dean Blobaum @dblobaum.bsky.social
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What are you doing to thwart autocracy? The only question worth discussing.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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My new exciting Friday night: I get back from dinner! I go to bed early! I regret nothing!

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Gwen Snyder is uncivil's avatar Gwen Snyder is uncivil @gwensnyder.bsky.social
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Dudes Stop Being Monsters To Women 2024 Challenge

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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The cat love bombs the dog until he gives in and cuddles. I have had her since she was 4 days old. She tolerates me. But she adores him.

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Amba Azaad's avatar Amba Azaad @ambaazaad.bsky.social
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So I was reading the details about the Gaiman case and boy, howdy does it bring back memories of that one charismatic fuckwit older man who used to be in my life. So many things turn out a pattern in the habits of men with power, don't they. I could write an essay about The Ones Who Weren't Rapists

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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It relies on them being willing to do more for you than the protocol suggests. Fighting protocol with protocol.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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That is true too, but I have found focusing on my quality of life works more often than not.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Calm, firm and repeat that Symptom X is interfering with your work and enjoyment of life.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I am coming to accept I need to wear tights 9/10 of the year here.

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Rory Blank (on vacation)'s avatar Rory Blank (on vacation) @roryblank.bsky.social
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spy vs spy redux (2023)

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Oh, and by the way, congratulations to the UK!

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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And I am also thinking about another poster who I blocked because in these cases he would scream that in HIS COUNTRY they believed in rule of law and not trial by Internet. I actually spotted him on Reddit (pretty sure same dude) screaming about this in all the Gaiman threads. Righteous block.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Much less often than the press would have us believe tho. This is not a symmetrical behaviour.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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But generally speaking, large power imbalances are absolutely a turn on for some. But most likely the folks who are wired that way without appropriate therapy or channeling are not great people to fuck.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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And while I do want a 30 year old young person to feel their own autonomy, I also think it is good for them to hear the views of others, and not just through a whisper network. It is complicated, I realise.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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But I doubt he is. For men like that, the power imbalance is part of the point, and as long as they stay just on the right side of legality, they do not see the issue.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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All this to say: 20 year old me was not a reliable witness when it came to consent. Legally speaking, I consented. But in relationship terms, I had brought a croissant to a gun fight, and he should have been ashamed of himself.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I will not overstate. That relationship did not ruin my life. Not at all. But it did change how I looked at myself. Just a little perhaps, but definitely not for the better.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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About things which I never should have believed him. And weirdly, which some part of me believes (in that time, like a fly trapped in amber) still.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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When I was in the US the last time I was talking about this with someone who had known both of us and the very weird thing about power imbalance is (not surprisingly) credulity and easy trust. Until I said things out loud to her, I had not realised how much I had believed him.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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(He managed to marry another former student just before #metoo so evaded any consequences worse than the whisper network.)

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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But as an adult looking at that very young woman, I 100% believe he should have been outed and fired regardless of what the younger me thought about consent.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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I have only recently started talking about a highly inappropriate relationship I had, which started when I was 20. Even today, I still emotionally feel it as consensual. Mostly because there is a load of guilt associated with it I do not wish to evade.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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1) A very young person may 100% feel a relationship is consensual with an older famous person. This should be respected. 2) others not in the relationship may have a very different view on the relationship between power and consent. This is okay too.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Gaiman adjacent for those of you muting those threads. I had a convo over DM here about age and consent, and this makes me want to say two things which can be true at the same time:

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Morning. My thought on waking is we use the word ‘horrifying’ too often.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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Two lightly used cats free to a good home. Occasionally friendly. Opposed to upright dustbins.

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Cheryl_NL's avatar Cheryl_NL @belovedsnail.bsky.social
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He said something like he had hurt her deeply in some way

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