alber 's avatar

alber

@captainacab.airbud.website

2062 followers 760 following 4414 posts

i got called tyler once. reposts = official CDC recommendations. he/him

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

harambe shot first

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Reposted by alber

Minister of Loneliness's avatar Minister of Loneliness @steamymac.bsky.social
[ View ]

I’m sorry driving a Jeep™️ is 97% of your personality.

4 replies 30 reposts 59 likes

Reposted by alber

Coach Rusty's avatar Coach Rusty @coachrusty.bsky.social
[ View ]

I was a 4 year letterman in marching band so yeah I'm not afraid to put on the old letter jacket and throw my weight around in the orchestra pit from time to time

1 replies 2 reposts 8 likes

Reposted by alber

Sweetie π's avatar Sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ]

watched an octopus documentary and the narrator said they sometimes punch fish out of spite and I’ve never been more in love with anything in my life

8 replies 38 reposts 180 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

the news never said this bc they were trying to protect his image but harambe had actually pulled a gun

4 replies 3 reposts 13 likes

Reposted by alber

PieGuy's avatar PieGuy @ilovepie84.bsky.social
[ View ]

I can’t believe someone ran over my neighbours loud motorcycle tomorrow morning

3 replies 14 reposts 61 likes

Reposted by alber

alygory's avatar alygory @alygory.bsky.social
[ View ]

On Bluesky you have to do a formal coming out if you’re a cishet white guy.

6 replies 13 reposts 63 likes

Reposted by alber

LENA WIFE's avatar LENA WIFE @nebulena.net
[ View ]

dino fact: an adult Tyrannosaurus rex could be as tall as 2.822 Shaqs! really makes you think doesn’t it

10 replies 13 reposts 74 likes

Reposted by alber

Reposted by alber

Sage 🏳️‍⚧️'s avatar Sage 🏳️‍⚧️ @trans.bsky.social
[ View ]

mrw i find out two of my oldest moots have been cishet men this whole time

5 replies 6 reposts 69 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

believe it or not there are exactly two cishets on bluesky

4 replies 1 reposts 43 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

your honor, before we proceed any further i feel bound by my duty to justice and the truth and must inform the prosecutor that she has been cross-examining a cishet this whole time

0 replies 4 reposts 15 likes

Reposted by alber

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

if you can suck yourself off in a lucid dream you can in real life if you believe enough

0 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

i know it’s dangerous but the boobonic plague sounds so cool

3 replies 3 reposts 12 likes

Reposted by alber

Reposted by alber

d.ly's avatar d.ly @dly.bsky.social
[ View ]

sorry i asked if the photo of your kid was “that fucked up AI stuff”

18 replies 174 reposts 673 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

i’m an immovable object in the sense that i have no emotions and basically sit around all day

1 replies 14 reposts 33 likes

Reposted by alber

K. A. “Kick Åss” Pillë's avatar K. A. “Kick Åss” Pillë @keithpille.bsky.social
[ View ]

Your move, Hemingway

47 replies 695 reposts 2616 likes

Reposted by alber

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

as a kid i always thought the preacher was saying a dollar tree is bad so i just assumed god only likes rich people

0 replies 2 reposts 9 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

hot singles in your area want to know if your power is out too

3 replies 9 reposts 42 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

unrelated: tayy how are you a psychic AND a cleric, in this economy?

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by alber

d.ly's avatar d.ly @dly.bsky.social
[ View ]

d's joke (tayy's version)

1 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

i take offense at this. i also blasted euphoria and meet the grahams

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

this would have made the movie, which is already perfect, way better

0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

yeah you fuckin loser did you mOmMyy make that spaghetti?? it looks terrible, like you still live with your mom hahaha *starts sobbing thinking about his own estrangement from his mom*

1 replies 1 reposts 5 likes

Reposted by alber

d.ly's avatar d.ly @dly.bsky.social
[ View ]

[Eminem's rap battle opponent] nice vomit on your sweater, did your mom make it for you?

5 replies 37 reposts 145 likes

alber 's avatar alber @captainacab.airbud.website
[ View ]

getting diagnosed with time of death is probably a huge bummer

0 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

Reposted by alber

Sweetie π's avatar Sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ]

Look, I just want an element named after me and to solve a murder mystery on train I really don’t think that’s too much to ask

7 replies 40 reposts 102 likes

Reposted by alber

Jason, ex Inferis's avatar Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social
[ View ]

All dishes are disposable if you’re depressed enough.

5 replies 63 reposts 228 likes