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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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A John Wick movie where he goes around assassinating people whose fireworks are upsetting the local dogs.
31 replies 289 reposts 1482 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social |
17040 followers 297 following 642 posts
~* Jewish American Disney Princess *~ I’m from N-E-W Jerz
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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A John Wick movie where he goes around assassinating people whose fireworks are upsetting the local dogs.
31 replies 289 reposts 1482 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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“Mom, tell me about 2024.” Well, honey, people were concerned about a man’s age so we let Nazis take over.
11 replies 66 reposts 321 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Celebrating our independence from a monarchy while on the brink of a dictatorship feels unsettling. Like when you get a birthday reminder on Facebook for one of your friends who’s dead.
5 replies 115 reposts 495 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Imagine being offended by rainbows and then voting for the public handjob lady.
6 replies 35 reposts 316 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Nobody is trying to turn your kids gay, but people are trying to turn your kids Nazi.
3 replies 352 reposts 970 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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ORCAPY WALL STREET
5 replies 31 reposts 183 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Celebrate Mother’s Day by supporting people’s right to choose whether or not to be mothers.
6 replies 262 reposts 1050 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Super jealous of caterpillars because they can just nap undisturbed until they’re prettier.
7 replies 24 reposts 213 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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(to the tune of Cruella De Vil) 🎵 Kuh-risty Nuh-oem Kuh-risty Nuh-oem She’d rather kill puppies than find them a home 🎵
1 replies 10 reposts 67 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Mike Huckabee’s son hanged a dog. Sarah Palin’s son stood on one. Tomi Lahren kicks hers. Mitt Romney drove with his on the roof of his car. Ted Cruz abandoned his. Kristi Noem shot hers. In conclusion, Republicans are a bunch of dog-hating sociopaths.
20 replies 123 reposts 461 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Motion to start calling Kristi Noem “Cruella Dakota.”
12 replies 56 reposts 338 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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TGIF is such a great thing to say on Friday to your coworkers because it’s really just a subtle way of saying “I’m so happy I don’t have to talk to any of you for the next 2 days” but you can’t get in trouble for it.
1 replies 14 reposts 186 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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[invoking a dark spirit with my best lady friends] Him: What are you up to? Me: Just girl time.
1 replies 4 reposts 57 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Celebrate Earth Day by getting hotter and more terrible.
3 replies 76 reposts 342 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Maybe if we start calling it Unborn Baby Earth instead of Mother Earth republicans will be more concerned with its well-being.
4 replies 46 reposts 243 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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My neighbors who constantly let their little dog shit on my lawn and don’t pick it up just put up a Trump sign. Bad news for them because my dog is massive.
8 replies 10 reposts 249 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Republicans: 4/20 should be a national holiday! Us: Huh? We thought you guys were ANTI- marijuana. Republicans: [writing out birthday cards to Hitler] What the hell is marijuana?
4 replies 93 reposts 462 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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But if we hold one rich white man accountable for his actions, what’s next?! Holding SOME rich white men accountable for their actions?! It’s a slippery slope.
10 replies 109 reposts 597 likes
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Cullen
@hellocullen.bsky.social
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imagining being a kid and my parents being like "you can either watch this cg movie about intergenerational trauma that will make us cry or "Fartzo The Cowboy Butt Who Explodes." it would be no contest and yet the marketplace is mostly devoid of Fartzos the children yearn for chaos
4 replies 9 reposts 96 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Trump’s trial starting on tax day feels a little on the nose.
5 replies 12 reposts 225 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Friend: Wanna meet up later for some beers? Me, a recovering alcoholic who loves Disney: 🎵 We don’t talk about brew, no no no 🎵
2 replies 5 reposts 91 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Find yourself a man who loves you like Jeffrey loves Ina Garten.
4 replies 5 reposts 52 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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There is no comprise on abortion. Get that through your head. Either you believe in the right to choose or you don’t.
3 replies 50 reposts 247 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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No thanks, solar eclipse. If I want to watch something usually warm and bright be overcome with darkness, I’ll look in the mirror during the workday.
1 replies 24 reposts 254 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Just had to answer a survey question “Are you a homeowner?" and I thought "Lol if I were a cat I'd be a hoMEOWner" so obviously the answer is no.
1 replies 20 reposts 306 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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It’s never too late to pursue your dreams. Write that novel. Run that marathon. Climb that mountain. Cast that spell. Befriend that wolf. Meet its pack. Earn their trust. Train them to do your bidding. Embrace your new life as the forrest Wolf Witch.
10 replies 81 reposts 444 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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My favorite Christmas movie is Die Hard and my favorite Easter movie is Dye Hardboiled Eggs.
4 replies 6 reposts 131 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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For Passover in Wakanda, T’Challa changes his name to T’Matzo. Thank you.
6 replies 25 reposts 288 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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God: What the hell is this, you fool? I said my son would be a RABBI! Angel who created the Easter Bunny: Oh shit my bad.
6 replies 47 reposts 344 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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If the Easter Bunny were female, Republicans would try to charge her with murder for giving away her eggs.
6 replies 17 reposts 155 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Jesus: I still really don’t like that the day I died is called GOOD Friday. Angel: Beyoncé’s new country album drops today. Jesus: Then a happy Good Friday to us all!
0 replies 36 reposts 293 likes
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Brian
@sortabad.bsky.social
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When Trump is found guilty of crimes one of the punishments should be to make him play golf on live TV
5 replies 17 reposts 150 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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🎵 Movin’ to the country Gonna cheat me a lot of Sneetches 🎵
9 replies 82 reposts 500 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Church sign: JESUS IS CALLING YOU Me: This could’ve been an email.
11 replies 35 reposts 413 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Me: (holding a bong) So where’s the pot that’s supposed to be at the end of this rainbow? Leprechaun: It’s a pot of GOLD not actual pot. Me: Then why the hell are you dressed in green?
4 replies 6 reposts 186 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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The fact that Bill Maher has Republicans defending him should tell you everything you need to know about Bill Maher.
8 replies 25 reposts 278 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Congratulations to Bill Maher on finally trending for something that isn’t racism or transphobia!
5 replies 8 reposts 110 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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We need Saint Patrick to drive the snakes out of the Supreme Court.
12 replies 88 reposts 520 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Mike Pence is like Santa Claus. He’s Christian, he has white hair, and he only comes once a year in the middle of the night while no one is watching.
8 replies 20 reposts 217 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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“Let my people goth.” - Emoses
3 replies 21 reposts 189 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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RIP Lauren Boebert’s career. Soon she’ll have more free time to do the things she loves, like racism and jerking dudes off in crowded theaters.
16 replies 31 reposts 478 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Maybe if we start calling it TikGlock, Republicans won’t want to ban it.
2 replies 8 reposts 140 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Oh, you’re worried about losing an hour of sleep because of daylight saving time? Try losing several hours of sleep every night for the rest of your life because of stress. Welcome to adulthood!
12 replies 23 reposts 309 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Celebrate International Women's Day by interrupting men with your unsolicited opinions and taking credit for their work. If they get upset about it, be sure to tell them that they sound hysterical and should probably smile more.
12 replies 345 reposts 1286 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Katie Britt: Sexual assault is a terrible thing. That is why you should vote for the man with several dozen sexual assault allegations who was found liable for sexual assault.
8 replies 91 reposts 634 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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lol his family is from Michigan
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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My husband gets on me every time for that because I always buckle up unless I’m in the backseat of a cab or other rideshare which makes no sense but in my head it does?
7 replies 0 reposts 23 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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Doctor: Do you use any illicit drugs? Me: No. Doctor: You stated on your intake papers that you use marijuana. Me: You said ILLicit drugs, not CHILLicit drugs. Doctor: Put your hand down I’m not going to high five you.
15 replies 62 reposts 706 likes
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Brian
@sortabad.bsky.social
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I like my men like I like my coffee Picked up for cheap at a gas station
3 replies 9 reposts 54 likes
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The Volatile Mermaid
@ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social
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They should have a Puppy Bowl equivalent for Super Tuesday.
11 replies 28 reposts 185 likes