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Brian

@sortabad.bsky.social

1125 followers 288 following 295 posts

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Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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One upside to the attendance being so bad at the Oakland A’s games is that everyone is guaranteed to be on the Jumbotron at least once

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Finally got bluesky DMs, I’ve made it

0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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you really never know a person until you’ve seen how they react when they’re shown on the Jumbotron at a sporting event

0 replies 0 reposts 11 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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is this really the type of thing you believe is worth your time to argue about

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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No one wouldn’t include San Jose, east bay, or north bay in Bay Area. That would be silly. This is a Venn Diagram thing where Bay encompasses all.

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Also extends west to the ocean, soooo

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Sounds like you have the most important geography must-haves down pat

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Now guess who her long-term boyfriend was

1 replies 0 reposts 9 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Neither really but Palo Alto is geographically perhaps as perfectly in the middle of the Bay Area as possible. Also unrelated but wondering if bears reference the state animal which no one really knows except for maybe from the state flag

5 replies 0 reposts 4 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Ilu Mara but I hate this take so much, lol

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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For the sake of our future is there no child actor who can step up? There’s no way he’ll notice you’re not actually one of his

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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He’s going to keep having kids until one of them likes him.

1 replies 9 reposts 39 likes


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Hi, it’s Abby. Yep.'s avatar Hi, it’s Abby. Yep. @abbycohenwl.bsky.social
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Are you there God? What the fuck, man?

12 replies 269 reposts 980 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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There was a time on Twitter where I’d read something this clever every day. Good ole days

0 replies 0 reposts 10 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Attorney Andre 3000: can you tell the jury, what’s cooler than being cool? Witness: [leans closer to mic] as I recall, it’s ice cold Attorney: alright alright alright alright alright alr- Prosecutor: objection your honor!

0 replies 17 reposts 82 likes


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Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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imagine hanging out with a 24 year old. It’s fun. Good energy, a great vibe. Nelly’s Ride Wit Me plays in the background. You mention you love this song. They aren’t familiar. “Oh,” they say, looking up from their phone, “it came out before I was born.”

0 replies 5 reposts 20 likes


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Maddie's avatar Maddie @madrigal.bsky.social
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my job gave me a sack of flour to carry around for a week before they gave me a laptop

6 replies 47 reposts 337 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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If you want to see your name typed out one place to look is at the bottom of the fantasy football standings

3 replies 0 reposts 4 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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He actually didn’t drop out on purpose he was just so bad at math he didn’t realize numbers went all the way up to 12

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes


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andy™'s avatar andy™ @andylevy.net
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found alito’s bluesky account

1 replies 21 reposts 294 likes


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Travis, bluesky elder 's avatar Travis, bluesky elder @prof-hinkley.bsky.social
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How's this for a comeback? 30 years ago I missed my high school graduation because I dropped out, and last night my daughter graduated from high school in the event center at the university where I teach

9 replies 3 reposts 103 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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I want to roast you about some of this but I’m too happy for you. I’ll be back tomorrow

2 replies 0 reposts 4 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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It’s weird that me, a very young guy, is mostly friends with all the old guys at the gym, who are clearly all older than me (who is young)

0 replies 0 reposts 6 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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I realized I’m technically old enough to have a mid-life crisis and tbh this might be the thing that causes my mid-life crisis

2 replies 0 reposts 16 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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it’s so weird that my a-hole and my b-hole are the same thing

0 replies 4 reposts 16 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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I don’t have a joke but I’m imagining seeing an octopus at the gym and being annoyed bc like hey bro save some machines for the rest of us

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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on world goth day I’d like to extend an invitation to all goths to murder me but in a sexy goth way

0 replies 0 reposts 9 likes


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Stone Cold Jane Austen's avatar Stone Cold Jane Austen @abbyhiggs.bsky.social
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Doctor: Hello. Thanks for being patient Me: Hello. Thanks for being doctor

1 replies 37 reposts 206 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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I don’t think I have DMs here yet but once I do i will be sending photos of puppies to everyone

2 replies 1 reposts 10 likes


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m@thew's avatar m@thew @tweetpotato314.bsky.social
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u know when ur a kid and ur parents make u do the dishes and u do a really just like really really shitty job hoping they never ask u again

1 replies 1 reposts 4 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Genuinely starting to think Biden doesn’t even want to win the election

2 replies 0 reposts 8 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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lol like how did these species make it

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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It’s so weird to remember that all animals used to be wild animals. Imagine how disconcerting it’d be to just like stumble upon a pack of poodles in the wilderness.

1 replies 7 reposts 37 likes


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Dan Fellars's avatar Dan Fellars @dfellars.bsky.social
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I’d offer that a plea in the documents case.

0 replies 1 reposts 1 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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When Trump is found guilty of crimes one of the punishments should be to make him play golf on live TV

5 replies 17 reposts 150 likes


Brian's avatar Brian @sortabad.bsky.social
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Happy birthday, guys named Patrick

0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes


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Mara Wilson's avatar Mara Wilson @marawilson.bsky.social
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Ever dress in what you think is a nice outfit and then look at a billboard on your way home and see a Better Call Saul-style attorney wearing the same top as you

35 replies 23 reposts 397 likes