kim

@kimmymonte.bsky.social

2269 followers 250 following 1455 posts

my stuff:
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:5rnmu5xtzqwc2c4u22abl2ka/feed/aaabw5bxhz3yw

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 02:37 UTC

{slides physician a $5} ok great advice but what if someone doesn’t want to live a long healthy life?

0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 06, 2024 at 01:06 UTC

ok i’ll bite.. blink won 82 what?

2 replies 4 reposts 20 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 14:21 UTC

that’s right

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 02:47 UTC

he was on my ring camera footage last week

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 01:55 UTC

heck yeah billy!!!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 04, 2024 at 01:54 UTC

the stars on the american flag represent the number of movies Samuel L Jackson did in 2004

4 replies 44 reposts 341 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 23:51 UTC

celebrate your independence tomorrow by masturbating in the shower all day

1 replies 1 reposts 15 likes

Reposted by kim

@kattsdogma.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:04 UTC

not a ringing endorsement, tbqh

10 replies 39 reposts 129 likes

Reposted by kim

Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 16:02 UTC

*covered in silly string* If anything I feel more serious now

2 replies 50 reposts 123 likes

Reposted by kim

Royotathon🚘 @royotathon.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 17:10 UTC

you expect ME to pay bills? me. a former baby. you sound insane right now.

9 replies 124 reposts 516 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 01:44 UTC

hard disagree

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 23:52 UTC

lmao

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 22:04 UTC

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 20:59 UTC

my dog when I tell him the Fourth of July is in a few days

9 replies 52 reposts 430 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 22:18 UTC

we were a vibe today ☀️👙🩳

2 replies 0 reposts 21 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 19:36 UTC

you’re an angel trav

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 19:31 UTC

don’t worry this was directed at mark

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 16:25 UTC

don’t get sad if someone doesn't text you back. people only check their phones all day every day until they fall asleep or die.

2 replies 11 reposts 56 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 15:12 UTC

yesssss thank you!!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 14:44 UTC

a designated hitter in baseball is the one who has to hit for everyone in case the team is drunk

0 replies 8 reposts 34 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 14:40 UTC

cutest little gremlin

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 14:38 UTC

he was supposed to be the designated driver that night..

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by kim

Ygrene ✔️ @ygrene.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 12:37 UTC

customer: hello one fireworks please fireworks store: first question, do you respect your neighbors customer: hahahahaha fireworks store: hahahahaha ok right this way

2 replies 61 reposts 337 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 02:59 UTC

can’t remember who but a comedian once said “i get why people think rock and roll music is evil and causes kids to do bad things bc every time i hear nickelback it makes me want to kill nickelback” and this will live rent free in my head forever

3 replies 1 reposts 10 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 02:24 UTC

as soon as we get pics in dms i’m sending everyone my dick

3 replies 1 reposts 7 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 01, 2024 at 01:44 UTC

he’ll just let them know tomorrow

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 23:38 UTC

that’s their couch. all theirs. no one else’s

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 23:29 UTC

haha so cute!!!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 23:28 UTC

OMG!!!! names please

1 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 23:14 UTC

he’s a descendent of wolves

7 replies 6 reposts 71 likes

Reposted by kim

Josh Gondelman @joshgondelman.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 02:34 UTC

“You have the morals of an alley cat,” is like something you sing about the Grinch.

15 replies 89 reposts 790 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 00:48 UTC

i may wear same how embarrassing

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 00:45 UTC

i’m wearing something flame retardant in case i set myself on fire

1 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 00:11 UTC

what’s everyone wearing to the fall of democracy?

6 replies 0 reposts 10 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 18:24 UTC

exactly like how the hell am I supposed to know?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 17:56 UTC

me, naked wearing a hospital gown: should the opening be in the front? dentist: ma’am that’s not necessary for a cavity filling

2 replies 5 reposts 39 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 14:40 UTC

Jack on jack off is how you learn karate

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 03:16 UTC

seriously why am i still on twitter?

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 03:05 UTC

“pure perfection! and to think just 4 months ago her uncle tripped up the stairs at a football game”

1 replies 0 reposts 8 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 02:57 UTC

can’t wait to watch the olympics bc i love when the announcers give little tidbits about the athletes like “wow great performance! crazy to think that just 3 years ago her sister fell out of a tree and landed on a pigeon”

2 replies 8 reposts 78 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 00:54 UTC

omg i love!!!!

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 00:12 UTC

aw thanks but it’s not his bday. he just wears it whenever he wants

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 00:08 UTC

trust me he loves this

4 replies 4 reposts 35 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 22:57 UTC

{my first time watching porn} omg wtf they literally just met

2 replies 4 reposts 26 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 21:46 UTC

such sweetness

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by kim

lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 03:10 UTC

Hyundai Cilantro

4 replies 66 reposts 386 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 15:23 UTC

i’m at my mid life crisis. i’m at the therapist. i’m at the combination mid life crisis/therapist.

2 replies 4 reposts 20 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 03:24 UTC

thank you! it’s my favorite tattoo that i have (don’t tell my human son)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

kim @kimmymonte.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 03:15 UTC

exactly 5 years ago today i got my special boy immortalized on my skin. miss you my little nibs ❤️

4 replies 0 reposts 28 likes