Pumpkin Escobar

@kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social

331 followers 170 following 1289 posts

"Spit jewels like Eastern riches, junkie fixes
Around here we say 'birds', not bitches"
The Streets - Lets Push Things Forward

bsky.app/profile/did:plc:cde5keqwdvan4p2jdwlbya6q/feed/aaabnqkf3tmmu

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Kelly @kimtopher22.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 13:08 UTC

My advice for people getting married is don't.

6 replies 20 reposts 52 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 20:00 UTC

Not really speaking to anyone from now on.

3 replies 8 reposts 17 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 19:57 UTC

💚

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

fredesque @fredtaming.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 19:52 UTC

[a dad walking the plank] ..teak?

1 replies 14 reposts 72 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 19:55 UTC

1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 17:42 UTC

Fun fact white chocolate is made from cobra venom and the tears of stray puppies.

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

SalvadoЯ oЯb3! @theonlyorbei.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 17:17 UTC

nope. i have no children and no desire to have any. why not? humans are a plague.

2 replies 4 reposts 9 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 11:47 UTC

Stuff of nightmares.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 11:46 UTC

😬

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 11:07 UTC

*insert face palm gif

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 20:21 UTC

She gave my nudes a thumbs up that's bad, right.

1 replies 6 reposts 23 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 20:19 UTC

Finding a Catherine Trammell type who'll screw my brains out and then end me with an ice-pick is surprisingly more difficult than one would imagine.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 19:50 UTC

Which type of cheese should I stock up on to make me more appealing to women?

10 replies 5 reposts 21 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Window Dolls @windowdolls.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 18:55 UTC

Did you see that banner just now
‘EAT PASTA, RUN FASTA’ 😂

#euro2024

0 replies 3 reposts 7 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

BEAVE ² @beaveinflow.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 16:10 UTC

[Checks pockets] I’m all out of sunshine, but I do have plenty of gloom.

5 replies 40 reposts 86 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 20:39 UTC

“It’s not the destination, it’s the journey” I say, floating down a storm drain

2 replies 40 reposts 76 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 15:20 UTC

There seems to be a disconnect between my life and even a modicum of enjoyment please advise.

1 replies 7 reposts 17 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 @unfitz.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 12:43 UTC

At first glance, she struck me as someone who would strike me.

4 replies 47 reposts 148 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Endless Screaming @infinitescream.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 14:30 UTC

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

0 replies 2 reposts 6 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑 @unfitz.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 10:13 UTC

Bear with me. I’m trying to strike a balance between mediocre and appalling.

4 replies 46 reposts 88 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 13:48 UTC

Been waiting on this McLobster since 1992 surely it's ready now I've missed my bus.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 09:40 UTC

Liver Lava Labia

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 08:25 UTC

🤠

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 20:56 UTC

It's an oof-fest, Stella.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 20:38 UTC

Oof!

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 19:58 UTC

I'm forming a close bond with her *I've cable tied our ankles together

0 replies 3 reposts 8 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

saja @saja.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 19:45 UTC

they can build a ladder to put a man on the moon but they can't make a ribbed condom that actually tastes like ribs

6 replies 38 reposts 153 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Minister of Loneliness @steamymac.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 12:45 UTC

*artfully dodges any sort of meaningful intimacy

2 replies 39 reposts 87 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 15:40 UTC

* standing with my testicles hanging from the bottom of my kimono 'Ya, I'd say trailblazer was an accurate description'

2 replies 3 reposts 6 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

BEAVE ² @beaveinflow.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 14:27 UTC

The only way to see if someone is ready for commitment is to wear a wedding dress on the first date.

10 replies 54 reposts 136 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 15:32 UTC

Smashing friends, L.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 14, 2024 at 14:35 UTC

@ennuidoofen.bsky.social 🙌

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 19:44 UTC

Just saw Donald Trump in B&Q buying Cuprinol. Completely blanked me.

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

wonder jenny @galacticpotlady.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:57 UTC

Knuckle tats: THEY LIVE

0 replies 13 reposts 21 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:55 UTC

I may list them.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:27 UTC

Sometimes I try to put off moving for as long as I can right now it's reached 4 days.

0 replies 3 reposts 7 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:26 UTC

Antioxidants. Fake. Don't believe in them.

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:22 UTC

Why is it so hard to find a girl with a strong stomach and a bone saw smdh

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:20 UTC

I'm working on how to make mediocrity sexy.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:19 UTC

That is my theme tune.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:16 UTC

Oh I wish you would.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 17:15 UTC

I've got nicknames for all of you and quite a number are really rather disparaging tbqh.

1 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 16:23 UTC

bring your pteranodon to work week.

1 replies 5 reposts 7 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

SpatialKimtamine @kimmalien.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 02:42 UTC

Gasoline scented candles

3 replies 36 reposts 84 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

Minister of Loneliness @steamymac.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 13:24 UTC

On your marks. Get set. Disappoint!!!

2 replies 47 reposts 86 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

andy van slyke @im-all-id.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 14:19 UTC

Despondence would be a lovely name for a girl

9 replies 45 reposts 129 likes

Pumpkin Escobar @kingmonkeysunkle.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 13, 2024 at 12:29 UTC

Has anyone checked on Billy Crystal lately

1 replies 5 reposts 15 likes

Reposted by Pumpkin Escobar

wonder jenny @galacticpotlady.bsky.social
[ View ] May 05, 2024 at 10:28 UTC

Going mad, you guys wanna come with?

8 replies 26 reposts 72 likes