|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Who called them ex-girlfriends and not yesterbaes.
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
|
|
Dak@dak.bsky.social |
1200 followers 677 following 518 posts
I’m only here to escape from reality
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaabmcmbh7f2c
twitter.com/dakarrier
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Who called them ex-girlfriends and not yesterbaes.
0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I was always taught to be a gentleman and open the door for someone, before pushing them out onto the road for liking Nickelback
0 replies 2 reposts 8 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
The worst part of seeing my grandfather get run over while crossing the street is knowing that I have failed this driving exam
0 replies 1 reposts 13 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Whoever named them waterfalls got it 100% right.
0 replies 0 reposts 5 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
the original VR.
0 replies 3 reposts 13 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
This email finds you tortured by the dread of knowing you’ll never retire
1 replies 6 reposts 18 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Don’t go swimming if you’ve just eaten or lost both arms from a tragic accident
1 replies 7 reposts 20 likes
|
Ygrene ✔️
@ygrene.bsky.social
[ View ] |
[arriving in hell] Satan: welco- Me: hit me with a plate of your eggs bro Satan: Me: (sprinkling motion) with the paprika
12 replies 211 reposts 1010 likes
|
bee lake
@leemanish.bsky.social
[ View ] |
never weigh yourself right after drinking mercury
0 replies 5 reposts 26 likes
|
Wicked Ho
@nicebutnot.bsky.social
[ View ] |
it’s possible that i have crossed the line from cute-bitchy to bitchy-bitchy
20 replies 56 reposts 171 likes
|
dave k
@dave-tothe-k.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Why is it a dildo instead of a pubic zirconian?
0 replies 4 reposts 12 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
That time you saw only one set of footprints in the sand was when Jesus blocked you
0 replies 4 reposts 19 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
911: what’s your emergency Me: I’m in bed with my girlfriend and a shirtless man has broken into the house 911: is he a threat? Me: [noticing my girlfriend looking at his abs] ya
0 replies 10 reposts 35 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I always carry a rock in my pocket just in case someone tries to stab me with scissors
0 replies 1 reposts 8 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My DNR bracelet says to pull the plug if anyone in my room says “totes.”
1 replies 4 reposts 11 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Gym so posh it’s called James.
0 replies 13 reposts 33 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I may not be popular online, but offline I'm also not popular
1 replies 47 reposts 141 likes
|
Frovo
@frovo.bsky.social
[ View ] |
microdosing fireworks by cutting off a finger
0 replies 7 reposts 22 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I placed my phone in airplane mode, and out of nowhere, some guy appeared, pushing his arm against mine to take the armrest.
1 replies 7 reposts 26 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Your soul mate is out there. Sitting in the shower crying about being alone, while you lay on the couch staring at your phone
0 replies 1 reposts 5 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
If you’re stabbed in a dark alley, sing a Jennifer Lopez song. You’ll still die, but the attacker will also suffer
0 replies 0 reposts 4 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Sorry I missed your call/text/email even though I have all notifications turned on, my phone is constantly in my hand and I’m always looking at it
0 replies 11 reposts 32 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I’ll text you my thoughts
0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
i still can’t believe my senior class voted me “least likely to let things go”
3 replies 28 reposts 77 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I always carry a piece of paper in my pocket just in case someone ever tries to attack me with a rock
1 replies 10 reposts 27 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Avoid pool party conversations by sitting at the bottom of the pool.
1 replies 7 reposts 16 likes
|
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚃𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚑
@unfitz.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Bartender: Why the long face? Me: It was stretched in a horrible industrial accident. Bartender: Oh my god… I’m sorry, I was just- Me: Kidding. I’m just deeply depressed.
3 replies 50 reposts 133 likes
|
Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Stuart Little failing the breathalyzer after one tiny sip of beer
3 replies 7 reposts 41 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I nod and smile at empty places just to confuse any ghosts that might be there into thinking i can see them.
1 replies 7 reposts 14 likes
|
Ennui Doofen
@ennuidoofen.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My dog once dug up a mostly intact skeleton of what appeared to be the prior owner's dog, and placed it in his kennel. Logging in here feels just like finding that: Eww god no wtf is that?! Wait, this IS kind of interesting
10 replies 75 reposts 359 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I don't believe in black magic but if I did I'd make a voodoo doll of myself and give it a back massage
2 replies 7 reposts 31 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
[interview] HR: Can you give me an example of your problem solving skills Me: I was fired from my last job and now i'm applying for this one
0 replies 8 reposts 36 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I put my pants on like everyone else. When there’s a knock at the front door
2 replies 28 reposts 71 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
sex is great and all, but have you ever rid people from your life that were harming your mental health?
0 replies 3 reposts 14 likes
|
nige
@sensualdad.bsky.social
[ View ] |
i drive a tiny car to compensate for my giant penis
11 replies 33 reposts 190 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Your shoelace is untied. We should see other people.
0 replies 1 reposts 6 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You never hear of pushed pork
1 replies 8 reposts 22 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I’m now at the age where people who mow their lawn but don’t trim the edges makes me angry
0 replies 2 reposts 9 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You know you're old when you no longer sneak out of your home to go to a party, but sneak out of a party to go your home
1 replies 7 reposts 25 likes
|
|
Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
[ View ] |
One of the worst ways to get stabbed is repeatedly
27 replies 185 reposts 1063 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You should be allowed to comment about politics only if you vote
0 replies 0 reposts 7 likes
|
|
Viktor Winetrout
@viktorwinetrout.bsky.social
[ View ] |
My favorite thing about working at an Antarctic research station is the solitude. My least favorite? Being slowly driven insane by ghostly visions
5 replies 22 reposts 97 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
You never hear of Albert Einstein's evil twin brother, Frank.
1 replies 1 reposts 4 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Teach your children about rejection by getting them a cat
5 replies 35 reposts 194 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Ran a half marathon? Big Deal! I ate a whole pizza. Finish what you start
0 replies 6 reposts 27 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.
0 replies 2 reposts 12 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
Which timezone as it’s 6pm Thursday here in Sydney
1 replies 0 reposts 2 likes
|
|
Dak
@dak.bsky.social
[ View ] |
[on 1st date] Me: Have you ever flown to Paris on a private jet before? Her: No, I'd love to Me: Same Me: *shows photo of cat* this is Tim
2 replies 43 reposts 250 likes