THE Burger King

@aburgeraday.bsky.social

93 followers 79 following 225 posts

Semi-talented mimic. That cargo space guy.

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 20:45 UTC

Ride your pony.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 10, 2024 at 20:44 UTC

Let me get this straight: they've figured out how to have direct messages on this thing, but you still can't run a search to see if you've already posted something?

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 09, 2024 at 16:00 UTC

[Abercrombie] Salesperson: Can I help you find anything today? Me: Yeah, where are the NON-slim pants? *I am beaten in the alley by shirtless hunks*

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 19:11 UTC

Dracula: What? You said we were friends for life! Me: *gurgling while I clutch my neck*

0 replies 1 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Wicked Ho @nicebutnot.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 22:51 UTC

Coexist

25 replies 184 reposts 1029 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 16:23 UTC

If Sesame Street's storekeeper sold weed on the side, he'd probably call it Hooperstank.

0 replies 1 reposts 3 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 08, 2024 at 16:17 UTC

You're in luck: I've got lots more like this.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 07, 2024 at 14:50 UTC

Me: *shows off wicked sheet music tattoo* Girl I'm trying to impress: Sweet! Can you play it? Me: Nah, I'm only musically ink lined.

1 replies 2 reposts 5 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 05, 2024 at 23:50 UTC

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join these two Billy Idol lovers in holy matrimony mony.

0 replies 2 reposts 7 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 03, 2024 at 19:23 UTC

Who called it a cold sore and not the big lip owski?

0 replies 1 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jul 02, 2024 at 13:57 UTC

Priest: Have you the ring? Me (has tinnitus): Always.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 13:14 UTC

People may think Asteroid Day is unnecessary, but really it's for the crater good.

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 30, 2024 at 01:44 UTC

Harry Osborn: *falls out of tree* Peter Parker: Did you see her? Did you see MJ? Harry: I spied her, man! Peter: 💡

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Frankenfreckle @neptunian9.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 17:01 UTC

On casual Fridays I wear a hammock.

2 replies 25 reposts 70 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 13:06 UTC

Thank you for your analysis, CNN, but I think it was already pretty obvious who lost the debate last night. (The entire country.)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 12:42 UTC

Today is the first day of the rest of your death. Carpe doom!

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 03:24 UTC

US Olympic trials, but for presidential nominees.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 28, 2024 at 00:26 UTC

There you go measuring out your life in (clean) coffee spoons again.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 27, 2024 at 17:14 UTC

"join the rebellion" with RFK Jr. The rebellion against sanity I guess?

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

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Lauren @laurenkayes.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 21:58 UTC

It’s so cool that cities are like “pweeease only turn your AC on if you’re actively dying and don’t go below 79 🥺🤘🏻💗” while the AI nobody asked for is slurping up the power grid to make 1 image of a girl with 5 tits

96 replies 3781 reposts 9009 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Wicked Ho @nicebutnot.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 21:44 UTC

introducing Wyatt Chirp

49 replies 286 reposts 1544 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 26, 2024 at 16:03 UTC

[help desk] Me: I can't find any of your books on plankton? Librarian: We only have them on microfishe.

0 replies 2 reposts 5 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Orpheus Condescending @maryscottoconnor.com
[ View ] May 23, 2024 at 13:23 UTC

According to recent studies, men tend to choose high paying professions, like stockbroker, doctor, engineer, lawyer, CEO… And women naturally lean toward lower paying careers. Like female stockbroker, female doctor, female engineer, female lawyer, female CEO…

8 replies 46 reposts 172 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 25, 2024 at 11:44 UTC

[Art Museum] Docent: And here we have several paintings from Monet's blue period. Me (remembering that one time in a dark alley): I blew for money too.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 23, 2024 at 02:08 UTC

Pat Benatar: Hit me with your best shot! Bartender: That'll be $400 for the Macallan 30.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 22, 2024 at 00:00 UTC

I got 15, but some of those wrong answers must have been pretty close to the correct ones.

1 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 23:54 UTC

Gimme a Vernor's STAT!

0 replies 0 reposts 2 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 23:42 UTC

My favorite movie about a blowjob thief is Hudson Hawk Tuah.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Frankenfreckle @neptunian9.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 08, 2024 at 17:44 UTC

Don't u hate it when all your Satanic friends become yoga instructors

9 replies 49 reposts 168 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 21, 2024 at 13:02 UTC

Wife: This article says some crazy guy forced a surgeon to add nipples to his chest. Me: *pulling shirt over six bandages* Weird.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Todd 'Papi' Carlos @thetoddwilliams.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 11, 2024 at 21:14 UTC

JAMES BLUNT: You stink JAMES TACTFUL: I bought you this perfume

0 replies 12 reposts 44 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 15:33 UTC

WOAH

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 20, 2024 at 14:02 UTC

I'm making a coat out of my wife's empty deodorant containers so I can be cloaked in Secrets.

0 replies 0 reposts 3 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 19, 2024 at 20:23 UTC

[Interview] Manager: It says here you discovered the element of Cargonium. What's that? Me: It's what cargo pants and shorts are made from. Manager: I think we're done here. Me: Wait! We didn't get to Dadbodium.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Dropped Mike @rebrafsim.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 20, 2024 at 16:58 UTC

detective: where were you on the night of— me: in bed detective: I didn’t say which night me: doesn’t matter detective: I didn’t say what time me: *looking him square in the eye* it doesn’t matter

1 replies 132 reposts 547 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 19, 2024 at 20:02 UTC

[wedding vows] Me: I do solemnly swear that I am up to no good. Her (slipping ring on my finger): Mischief managed.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Frovo @frovo.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 23:07 UTC

DENTIST: what brings you in today ENGLISHMAN: i crisped a tooth

2 replies 21 reposts 91 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

blaine capatch @blainecapatch.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 21:37 UTC

listen all y'all, it's a

39 replies 328 reposts 1559 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social
[ View ] Jan 31, 2024 at 16:42 UTC

[getting into a nondescript van] so how much candy are we talking about

1 replies 31 reposts 105 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 18, 2024 at 12:29 UTC

Counterfeiters bring home the facon.

0 replies 1 reposts 4 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Hi, it’s Abby. Yep. @abbycohenwl.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 06, 2024 at 19:52 UTC

Stay offline? Then how would I hear what people I don’t know think of things I never heard of

7 replies 193 reposts 639 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

@kattsdogma.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 19:20 UTC

ill-fitting bras are why i have bust issues

1 replies 22 reposts 52 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 17, 2024 at 12:43 UTC

To cook a good mystery, dice a character, sautee with intrigue, then deglaze with suspense. Finally, add graveyard dirt. The plot thickens.

0 replies 2 reposts 3 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

Frankenfreckle @neptunian9.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 17:14 UTC

Celebrating Father's day by blaming all my problems on my mom.

2 replies 24 reposts 61 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 23:30 UTC

Finally got enough Father's Day ties to make a noose.

0 replies 0 reposts 0 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 23:24 UTC

What's Mastodon? (Other than dead to me.)

0 replies 0 reposts 1 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

batkaren @batkaren.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 18:03 UTC

If only there were a heist movie where the plan is so damned crazy it just might work.

6 replies 20 reposts 152 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 17:35 UTC

My crepes? Suzette

0 replies 1 reposts 2 likes

THE Burger King @aburgeraday.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 16, 2024 at 15:50 UTC

Me: Wanna settle this like men? Him: Darn right I do! *we go outside and start filling our cargo shorts pockets to see whose holds more*

6 replies 74 reposts 327 likes

Reposted by THE Burger King

La Captain Oblivious @whatthefoxy.bsky.social
[ View ] Jun 15, 2024 at 19:36 UTC

Imagine hating me and I’m over here picking up objects with my toes.

8 replies 62 reposts 168 likes